


In These Plagued Streets

by sj28



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Prostitution, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cause I'm a sucker for happy endings., Drug Use, M/M, Prostitution, Self Harm, dark themes, sort of dub-con themes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-31
Updated: 2014-06-11
Packaged: 2018-01-06 20:12:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 46,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1111042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sj28/pseuds/sj28
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based upon the norsekink prompt: </p>
<p>Loki is a teen when he learns he’s adopted. He has a terrible shouting match with Odin, breaks down and runs away in tears. They try to find him, but to no avail. They call the police, but Loki is nowhere to be found. </p>
<p>Thor is heartbroken, but still hopeful. He thinks about Loki every day of his life, keeps Loki’s photo and personal things close, etc. And when several years later the police stop searching for Loki, insisting that he’s most likely dead, Thor refuses to believe it. </p>
<p>Eventually, Thor finds Loki, who’s been a prostitute all these years, drug-addicted and not really sane. Somewhere deep inside his damaged mind, Loki remembers Thor and loves him, but he doesn’t recognise him and doesn’t really understand at least half of what he’s being told. He’s used to just being used and called names, not really talked to, and being on drugs for years doesn’t help either. Maybe he was forced into prostitution when he was a teen, but now he’s older and broken, he’s not really valuable anymore, so his clients can do whatever they want to him, and it’s cheap. </p>
<p>Thor takes Loki with him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Reunion

Thor cursed his luck after waiting for what seemed like forever. It was only the second week during his new job and he already hated it. It was raining heavily, raindrops hitting heavy onto the pavement beneath him. He knew he took a huge ultimatum when his father pressed against his will, yet he still didn’t regret his choice of choosing his own path. Sure, working for his father would provide to be easier but Thor had no desire to remain under Odin’s command. That was the sole reason he took upon the job offer, he was being paid close to nothing, it was a vast improvement regarding his freedom, yet a huge downfall from his previous life standards, not that he minded, yet Thor wasn’t an idiot, and he faced challenges as they came to face him. That was how he had found himself pining for a cab passing by to get out of the bad part of the town as soon as possible. He checked his emails once again on his phone, willing the time to pass faster. It was closing it in on twenty minutes, and there had been no vacant cabs passing through the street. He knew he was in a terrible neighborhood; homeless people begging for a couple dollars around him, prostitutes looking for a late night job. He though of his previous life, a life that granted him limos and private chauffeurs. He inhaled a deep breath and kept waiting for a cab, pushing back the the thoughts of his past life to the back of his head. This was his life now, and whether or not he liked it, he had to accept it. He’d always had a shrewd idea of life and what it would be like if he so chose another path from what Odin hat planned out for him. 

“Mmm sugar, you lookin’ for somethin’ ?” 

The falsely sugar coated voice drew him out of his reverie. It took him a moment to realize he was being addressed by a prostitute, red head and actually pretty yet Thor had no interest at all.

He held his head down, gaze fixed on the pavement, mumbling something about being busy, and kept an eye out for the possibility of a vacant cab. Once he dared look up and take in his surroundings for the first time until his gaze caught upon someone laid upon the walls of an almost crashing down building. He was busy talking to someone fervently, and Thor had cast him out of his life a long time ago- 

_no_

Simply ‘no’, he said to himself. He laughed out loud then startling a couple of pigeons nearby, even the idea he found preposterous; insane. Sif’s words echoed in his head: _‘You’re so sentimental, Thor.’_. He was gone ages ago. Thor hadn’t thought about him in years, except for birthdays and special occasions where he was forced to reconcile with family, but other than that, he simply did not think about his lost little brother who’d ran away when he was barely in his teens. The idea of finding him as a prostitute was farcical after all these years, it would be too cruel of a joke. Yet Thor took in what the broken figure he’d spotted across the pavement looked like. Sharp green eyes, slick jet black hair pulled into a messy bun. 

_No, no; he was just hoping._

A cab arrived right then, conveniently timed, before he had any more time to dwell upon the figure he just saw, he pushed It to the back of his mind, Loki was long gone after all, it would be foolish to grip onto a fantasy; haunting him back from his childhood. He arrived in his flat in downtown LA, and dropped himself face down his king sized bed. Thor resigned from all of his duties that night, turning his mobile silent before taking shower and preparing for sleep. He dreamed of Loki that night, sharp green eyes digging into his, his hand gripping the back of his neck, their foreheads resting against each other, breaths mingling. 

All traces were gone when he woke up, except for the faint memory of the figure he spotted the day before. He shook his head and took a shower, yet the image of the person he saw kept crawling back into his mind. He raked his hand through his hair and went on to brush his teeth, fighting the idea that his lost adopted brother was a prostitute. It simply didn’t make sense, and it had been ages since he’d given into what everyone had said on the subject matter; to let go. 

***  
Thor slept soundlessly that night, devoid of any dreams and when he made it to the office Sif asked him what was wrong during work after he entered the same data for the fourth time. He cursed her for sensing his moods while also cursed himself for being so unprofessional; it was his second week in this company. He figured saying ‘I thought I saw my long lost brother as a prostitute’ would be breaching their work ethic, so he kept silent, brushing it off, regardless of Sif’s worried glances shot towards him. Lunch was no different, he was still distracted, and Fandral certainly didn’t help. 

“Oh come _on_ , that is the best ‘she said’ joke, ever.” 

“You’re going to be married some day, and Fandral; I pity your wife.” Volstagg said ad Fandral laughed it off. Yet Thor’s mind was occupied, and Sif seemed to be only one to take notice, shooting an apprehensive glance towards his way. He chose not to respond, instead laughing easily at his co-worker’s easily passed comments. 

***

It was just the next day waiting for a cab and Thor saw him once again. He looked so much like his lost brother he couldn’t let it go. Thor had always been sentimental, even his lovers commented on it, yet it was not something he could change about himself. He did hang onto what had been rather than what would have been more often than not. So he calculated the chances in his head, worst case scenario against the best case, they would think he was some high profile in-the-closet types, and the best case… He didn’t want to allow himself to think it, but the best case was him finding his brother. He walked across the street, towards the figure he spotted; and once he locked eyes with the slumped man besides the wall his entire world came crashing down. He was looking at his brother. Years had stolen a lot from him; Loki looked at an undisclosed spot with empty eyes, but Thor knew who he was. He’d always had a knack for it. It was Loki, after all the years, it _was_ his brother. He suddenly had the instinct to grab Loki and pull him by the wrist, yet before he could even act upon his senses, he was cut off by a gravely voice. 

“You want this one ?” The man who asked wore a tailored suit and Thor hated him on the spot. 

“Who’s he ?” Thor’s voice was shaking and considering he was built like a brickshithouse and he was 6’3, his voice didn’t shake often. 

“He’s cheap man, you don’t have to worry,” The guy seized Thor from head to toe, something that made him slightly uncomfortable. His gaze ended up lingering on his watch. The man snickered and Loki looked down at his hands, and Thor questioned his own motives once again, before pushing away every thought favoring that he was insane and that this was not Loki, but that he was about to go berserk on about a random prostitute. 

“What’s his name.” Thor said, his voice coming out a lot more harder and intimdating than he intended to, his gaze still fixed upon Loki.

“Oh, he’ll respond to whatever.” The guy just waved his hands, 

“He’s cheap dude, he won’t tell on you, oh but he’s tight,” he continued. Thor repressed the urge to punch him square in the jaw. 

“He’ll be whoever you want,” he pushed the slumped man towards Thor who caught him in a heartbeat. 

Thor blanched as he caught the figure being pushed towards him, there was no questioning that this man had to be Loki. Same emeralds gazed upon him slightly fearfully, widening without any recognition. 

“Loki ?” he whispered softly, regardless of their audience. 

Nothing.

The man in his arms just kept looking at him with fearful eyes and upturned eyebrows, his gaze never breaking Thor’s. 

“ Look, If you want anal-“ The other guy kept talking. 

“Stop.” Thor barely managed still holding onto Loki. He was going through an inner turmoil, prostitution, Loki, his brother, everything-

The other man raised his eyebrows. 

“He uses. Just so you know.” The other man countered. Thor kept his silence, still grazing his eyes up and down Loki’s presence. The guy shrugged. 

“As I’ve said, he uses. If you want anal, it’s fifty bucks. For sixty, rest of the night. Take him wherever, just don’t leave permanent damage, he needs to work tomorrow.” 

Thor took several minutes to register what was said. Permanent damage, did people leave permanent damage on this person, his, his _brother_ \- He didn’t know what he was saying before he said it,

“I’ll pay, “ His voice croaked. He didn’t even know what he was signing up for, granted this person could still very well might be someone else, but then again Thor was always a sucker for a slither of hope. He paid the guy more than he needed to, also slipping in his card, acknowledging how fucked up their entire situation was.

“Come with me ?” He spoke softly, as if talking to a wounded fawn. Loki only nodded once. 

The person who he claimed to be his brother followed pliantly, and all Thor could think of was whether or not he made a grave mistake.


	2. Chapter 2

Cold. So cold that he had to be freezing. That was the first thought he could conjure, the first sensation he felt against Loki’s bare skin. Loki felt so frigidly cold, bordering on freezing. Thor tried to excuse his lack of clothing for it; he seemed to be wearing a garish short sleeved tshirt that was a hanging off of his right shoulder -which looked far too bony for Thor’s concern- and worn out skinny jeans, yet showed no signs of freezing which Thor still suspected he had to be. He shrugged out of his wool coat, still holding onto Loki with his arm wrapped around his waist, enveloping him in his coat the second he was out of it. Loki neither looked grateful or appreciative as he was being wrapped by a new article of clothing, which only progressed further to build his concern regarding Loki’s current state. He’d never picked off a prostitute off the streets before, sure he’d been to strip clubs -mostly because Tony had been begging him to- but this was hardly the same thing. Yet he still doubted that it was regular for a prostitute from the streets to be this unresponsive, especially when Thor thought the particular one to be his brother. He shivered in the cold weather with nothing on but his button up shirt as they waited for a couple of minutes for a vacant cab to arrive. Thor stole glances towards Loki whenever he thought Loki wasn’t looking while Loki held up his distant demeanor, his gaze fixed upon a brick on the sidewalk as if it held all the meaning of life. Thor could feel eyes upon them, people passing by, or other fellow prostitutes and pimps, making him feel uneasy. Soon enough a vacant cab drove by and Thor rushed to hold the door open for a moment too long where he fret Loki would just run off. Yet Loki just stood there, still as a marble statue that Thor eventually had to guide him towards the cab that was waiting for them.

Once Thor maneuvered both of them into the cab with more effort than necessary, half thankful and half worried that Loki did not make a scene and followed his movements as pliantly as he could. When he was finally seated comfortably, he took out his phone to send a quick text to Sif, letting her know he would be in late the following morning, not giving away any further details whatsoever, fully depending on her skill to cover for him when he needed it, feeling grateful that she was in his life. After he pocketed his phone, he gave the address to his flat to the cab driver, while stealing another glance towards Loki’s way where their cab driver chose to shoot them a faintly disguised look of contempt through the rear end mirror. Thor would’ve said something, anything, if so he could find his voice. Yet he was so occupied with the person deposited beside himself, still gazing out the window as if it was possible to see anything in the moonlight. Loki -or whom he thought to be Loki- was still non-responsive as he had been since Thor laid his eyes upon him, gazing out the window with Thor’s jacket wrapped all around himself. He clutched Thor’s coat tighter around his shoulders almost reflexively and Thor felt a spark of possessiveness shoot through his spine, yet he resisted the urge to reach forward and pull the man close to himself. Loki did not utter a single word through out the entire drive, so Thor had a lot of time to himself to think. He ignored the sly glances from their cabbie, as if to make sure they wouldn’t try anything in the backseat. The thought made bile rise in his throat. 

It hadn’t always been like this. His time with Loki was something pure, even if Thor hadn’t always treated as such. Memories came flooding in, like a torrent too strong to evade or block, and Thor felt his eyes watering. Loki had always been a part of his life, even though he didn’t have memories he’d been proud of. 

***  
 _They had been barely teenagers. It was Thor’s second year in highschool and Loki’s first. Thor had already made a bunch of friends, had made himself a reputation in sports. People had kept asking him if _he_ was really his brother. Thor always responded with a resounding ‘yes’ because in fact, Loki was his brother, it seemed to be the people around him who seemed to have a trouble with the fact. It had always been the same excuse; ‘but you look so different !’, and they had, Thor was never the one to deny it. Loki had been interested in literature and physics where Thor was busy scoring a touchdown._

_“It’s just you right ?” Fandral had asked._

_“What do you mean ?” Thor retorted. Fandral had deinged looked uneasy for a brief moment._

_“Look, it’s not that we don’t like him or anything but your brother, he just- he would slow us down, y’know ?” Fandral said with slight unease. Thor had replied with an easy laugh, assuring them that his brother would have no intentions of joining them in their game anyway. Fandral and his friends all gave a relieved chuckle at that. He never bothered to explain to Loki where he was off to when he asked, nothing more than a shrug anyway._

 

*** 

Thor remembered at least a dozen more situations where he pushed Loki in the background, where he never bothered to ask Loki whether or not he wanted to be involved. It wasn’t as if it was any better when he joined them anyway, he was most likely to be the butt of every little jab and joke. He felt the dampness on his cheeks before he realized he’d been silently crying, much to the cabbie’s discomfort who’s glances had increased in frequency during their ride. Thankfully they arrived at Thor’s apartment, and Thor made haste in paying and tipping generously despite the unwelcome attitude. He got out and moved to usher Loki out of the car, each of his movements calculated carefully in order not to alert Loki. 

Loki followed him silently almost like a fawn gracefully moving trying not to alert his hunter, swaying slightly on his feet and taking interest in his cuticles while they were in the elevator, still not uttering a word, which only progressed to worry Thor further. Given that he was not really familiar with prostitutes picked up from the street, he still thought that no matter what, it wasn’t a good sign that someone couldn’t be this detached to their premises. Thor unlocked the door to his apartment with slightly shaking fingers to let Loki into his flat. He was still clutching the hems of his button up shirt as Loki just stood in the doorway, just as if he was leaning upon the walls of the crack house Thor had found him, same distant look etched in his expression. He suddenly felt a wet, cold sensation wrench his heart, he could feel it engulf his innards with each passing moment as Loki kept standing in his doorway, staring off into nothing. Thor made a vague gesture with his hand and Loki took a step forward. Once he was standing in the middle of his living room, Thor moved to shut his door. After what felt like a light age passing, Loki slowly walked towards the couch that sat in front of him, his eyes fixated on the couch as if he was in a trance Thor couldn’t break him out of. He felt a rush of guilt surge through him unreasonably. Loki turned around to finally meet his gaze, eye to eye. Before Thor could part his lips to say something, he hastily started fumbling with the buttons of his jeans, undoing it in a matter of seconds, moving onto pulling at his jeans before Thor registered what was about to happen and closed the gap between them in a manner of seconds to clasp his hands around Loki’s wrists, stopping him from getting out of his jeans. Loki’s gaze snapped upwards at once, his motions stilling momentarily. Whatever Thor anticipated, it certainly wasn’t this. 

_A prostitute_ Thor thought. ‘I brought back a prostitute to my home.‘ A prostitute who you think to be your brother, a tiny voice inside his head reminded him. He took a couple deep breaths, relying on them to calm him down. 

Even though Thor was known to be rash in his actions, people gave him a lot less credit than he was due, he could be described as rash, but he wasn’t so much of an idiot that he didn’t realize that he needed to approach this particular situation with extra precaution. 

“You don’t have to do that,” he said, his grip still tight around Loki’s wrists, as if he was scared that Loki would continue to get naked if he freed his hands. His mouth tasted of dry cotton, and he didn’t know what else to say. Just as he was trying to gather this stream of thought together, the man before him smirked slightly, sending a jolt of pain through his heart, for he knew that smirk far too well. It reminded him of far too much. _What do you have to smile about ?_ Thor thought. _What have you been through ?_ Loki shrugged out of his grip in a moment of distraction and turned around, bending over his couch, promptly ridding himself of his jeans and Thor felt his insides clench before he moved towards Loki, gripping him by the waist and turning him around just to meet his gaze, trying not to pay heed to his naked state. 

Loki still looked distant and worlds away, but for the first time he spoke.

“Oh you want to see me ? We can arrange that,” he smiled an eerie smile with a gravelly voice, and before Thor could open his mouth to respond, Loki was settling himself on the couch on his back, spreading his legs and all Thor could do was look away, two high red spots forming on his cheeks, gritting a response. “Please put your clothes on.” 

Thor kept his gaze away as Loki complied, shuffling about the couch, pulling his boxers back on. He still laid on the couch with his legs spread and Thor’s heart broke a fragment further. He didn’t know how to handle the situation, not after years, not with Loki laying down on his couch with his legs spread. 

“Please sit.” Thor didn’t know what else to say. Thankfully Loki complied to that as well, pulling his legs in an embrace, he started staring expectantly at Thor, first emotion Thor could pull out from Loki. Thor sat next to him, still clueless of what to say. Regardless of how people usually took him for tactless, Thor knew far better than to startle a man than to introduce himself as his long lost brother, so he took upon the easy route. 

“What’s your name ?” He asked softly, still trying to ignore that Loki was wearing nothing but his underwear. He bent down to pick up his discarded tshirt and handed it to Loki. 

“Please.” He gestured. Loki took the article of clothing and put it on just as nonchalantly as he had taken it off. 

“So.. Name ?” Thor prodded again. Loki just shrugged, his fingers playing with the hem of his worn out shirt. Suddenly he looked up,

“Do you want me to get rid of this ?” he started pulling his shirt upwards as if he hadn’t put it on briefly, just as Thor half screamed “No!” 

“How do you want me ?” Loki asked then, and Thor felt himself shatter in a million jagged pieces once more. How man people had used him ? How many did he had to yield to ? And how, just how, did Loki still not recognize him. 

“I don’t want you,” Thor said slowly. A brief expression of hurt passed through Loki’s eyes before Thor realized how he sounded. 

“I don’t want you to get naked.” Thor stated, hoping it would clarify at least a part of what he wanted out of Loki. ‘I just want to talk’ seemed extremely dubious for Loki to believe, at least in his current state, so Thor had to took a different wording without compromising Loki’s fragile state. 

“Let’s just sit for a while.” He stammered in the end. 

“You want a drink ? I’m gonna go get a beer.” Loki nodded silently. 

“Okay, you just sit here alright ? I’m gonna go get us beers.” 

 

***

_It had been awful. Thor still remembered what hey had been through when they lost Loki. There had been a lot of screaming while Thor locked himself off in his bedroom. The sound of Odin and Loki screaming, accompanied with Frigga’s sobbing still haunted him. Loki had disappeared that night, without a word, not even a note for Thor. Their mother hadn’t spoken to Odin for a month. Thor hadn’t fully grasped what happened, all he got from his parents’ argument was that Loki was not really his brother, which made no sense, because Loki _was_ his brother. So what if he was adopted ? It hardly changed the light he saw Loki in, he still had been his brother, bound by blood or not. Yet Loki had ran away, without a single note, not even for Thor. _

_Thor spent a number of days blaming Loki for putting their family through it all. The police had kept showing up constantly with traces of where Loki might have been last seen. Each of the trails had lead to a dead end, and his mother always ended up silently crying in her bedroom. Thor had been so confused, not understanding Loki’s motives. He’d spent days that drawled into weeks that bled into months where he’d wait for Loki to come back, until one night where the police gave up, upon Odin’s consent, they had stopped looking for Loki. Thor had taken it in stride on the outside._

***

 

He came back and held out a can of beer towards Loki, who took it and started chugging it like a man stranded on a desert who was quenched with thirst until Thor tipped the end of the can downwards. 

“Slow down” he said with a fond smile. Loki instantly laid down the can upon the coffee table and Thor regretted his sentence. He didn’t want to dominate Loki, but Loki seemed to comply to his each request in such a malleable manner, he found himself at a loss to how to progress further. He took a strong pull from his can of beer before setting it right next to Loki’s and turned his gaze towards Loki. 

“Your name ?” He tried softly once again, his hand moving to cusp Loki’s jaw, resisting the urge to pull him close so their foreheads rested against each other’s once again. Loki’s breath mingled with his in their current position, and Thor steeled himself, just breathing in what was lost to him for a while. It was Loki who broke the moment, shifting on the couch slightly to bring his hands to grip around Thor’s sides, making Thor tense instantly. 

“No, no,” He breathed gently against Loki’s soft lips. “Don’t, you don’t need to.” 

Loki recoiled like string pulled too tight at Thor’s words, removing his hands and pulling back against his grip. 

“What do you want ?” He rasped, his gaze falling upon Thor’s, expectant once more. Thor took in the second time he spoke during the evening, and filed the memory in a special place in his mind. Even being privy to Loki’s voice was a treat to him at this point. If Thor had his way, he would have Loki speaking to him for the entire night, about anything, but he had to be strong for Loki. He was clearly damaged, in an irreparable way or not, he did not know yet, nor was he sure he wanted to. 

“Sleep with me ?” Thor asked, holding Loki’s stare, who just shook his head slowly. Thor was confused for a second before Loki kept talking, 

“No, my boss- you don’t get it- I need to-“ then he was pulling at the hem of his boxers again and Thor had to stop him for a second time. 

“No, Loki- no !” His voice boomed in the flat and it seemed to shock Loki out of his trance for he seemed to still his motions. 

“Let’s just sleep yeah ?” he whispered. Once Loki nodded, he slotted himself besides Loki, wrapping an arm around his waist and pulling him close.


	3. Chapter 3

The early light of the morning shining its way through the crack in between the curtains In his living room, brought Thor to rouse earlier than usual. He blinked a couple times in the early hours of the morning as he swiped his hand through his hair, trying to register why he was sleeping on his couch and not in his bed. His back felt stiff and he found himself feeling groggy just as he took notice of the person lying besides him, still sound asleep. 

Right. _The prostitute. Loki._

Suddenly Thor felt a motley of emotions surge through him far too promptly for him to acknowledge each one separately, the leading on edging towards unreasonable possessiveness. He tightened his grip around Loki’s waist as a knee-jerk response, yet he remembered their exchange the previous night crystal clear, how Loki had presented himself; far too exposed for Thor’s liking, not to mention overly seductive. Loki grunted in his sleep and Thor jerked back like he’d been burnt. Trying to shimmy his way out of the couch without waking Loki up, he slid out carefully and took his time at looking at Loki truly for the first time ever since he laid his eyes upon his person. The flimsy blanket he’d pulled around both of them during sometime last night was riding low around Loki’s thighs, and Thor suddenly felt guilty, being privy to Loki’s naked body didn’t sit right with him, despite Loki trying to have his way with him the previous night. 

_He doesn’t know who I am._ was the first thought that sprang to his mind. The thought was soon pushed back in his mind as he took in the Loki’s state. His brother looked much more peaceful while asleep, wary lines and wrinkles not showing on his forehead and around his eyes, albeit the dark circles ever permanent around the hollows of his eyes. Almost like the times when they would fall asleep next to each other in their parents’ house; Thor always outlasting Loki, feeling his soft breath against his mouth. The relationship they shared back then seemed innocent, _was_ innocent. Perhaps not towards the outsiders, including their friends, but Thor had still held their relationship in a permanent pedestal, nothing to let it wilt ever. 

 

***

_Thunder boomed across the sky, lighting the entire city for a brief moment, followed closely by a bellowing noise, drenching the city in long awaited rain. Thor reveled in the thunder storms; snugged tightly in his bed within soft blankets, he watched as the storm progressed outside through his window, the heavy rain chasing bright thunder. He had always enjoyed thunder storms, especially when he got to watch them from the comfort of his bed, the promising feeling of imminent rain after the thunder calming his nerves. He pulled his blanket up to his neck, his wonderous gaze still fixated on the thunder clouds through the glass._

_He, however he also did expect the sudden creak upon his door parting after a few minutes, listening to the soft padding of the bare feet across his floor and welcomed the silent shift in his bed as his brother slid next to him, pressing his body agains his. Loki was often afraid of thunder storms and lightning that he often sought his way into Thor’s bed and Thor beamed with pride at the fact that he was able to comfort his little brother during his time of unease._

_Whenever Loki found his way to Thor’s bed, be it a thunderstorm or something else that spooked Loki, he was always able to soothe his brother’s fears. All he needed to do was wrap his arms around Loki, steeling him and stealing away all his fears._

_So Thor responded the way he only knew how; wrapping both his arms around Loki’s waist, pulling him closer to his body and leveling his gaze, looking straight in to Loki’s emerald eyes gazing straight up to his. Thor found comfort in such moments, in which Loki sought comfort in him._

_“Really brother, still so afraid of thunder ?” he whispered against Loki’s ear once he was snuggly fit against Thor’s body. Loki didn’t dignify Thor’s question with an answer, trying to salvage what was left of his dignity. His brother had always been this vain creature, so Thor did not question his motives further. Loki turned his body away so his back was aligned with Thor’s chest, then he hid his face against the pillows, pushing back slightly against Thor._

_“So what if ?” he said, muffled against the numerous amount of pillows that remained in Thor’s bed as he drifted off to sleep, no that Loki ever found sleep before Thor did._

_It was the first time that Thor felt the urge to place a kiss on Loki’s exposed neck, just to comfort him, and relive him of his pride, or so he told himself refusing to delve in something deeper on his account. He ended up resisting against his primal instincts, scolding himself for even thinking about his brother in such demeanor. He opted for pulling Loki closer to himself, aligning their bodies and whispering against Loki’s neck instead;_

_“Don’t you worry brother, nothing will hurt you as long as I live to breathe.”_

***

Thor remembered the memory with a pinch of nostalgia, solemnly wishing everything to be easy as it was back then. Not that it had been easy for them ever, even prior to finding out Loki’s adoption. He longed to comfort his little brother with a simple hug, or a chaste kiss upon his cheek. Thor took the liberty to caress a lock of raven black hair back from his brother’s face, carding it back against his ear. Loki shivered slightly against the ministrations, yet made no motions towards waking up. Thor winced as his fingers circled around a dark bruise, and he drew his hand back. Loki seemed to be covered in bruises, some of them darker and some of them barely blooming on his pale flesh. He cursed himself for not noticing them the night before. His eyes snapped to Loki’s arms as he thought of what the guy said. 

_’He uses, just so you know.’_

__Proof enough, he took in the yellow-purple needle marks on Loki’s arms, inside of his elbow. He traced a bruise lightly with his fingertips, almost as if to reverse the damage, when Loki woke up. He blinked a couple times, taking In the premises, before fixing his gaze upon Thor. Thor had no idea how Loki still managed to look graceful with the blanket pooled halfway down his legs while he pulled himsefl up on his elbows._ _

__“What time is it ?” He sounded slightly alerted, eyes darting around subtly._ _

__The question took Thor off guard, but then again, so had Loki always. He checked the clock on his phone, avoiding the three missed calls from Sif for the time being before pocketing it._ _

__“It’s around noon.”_ _

__Loki’s eyes widened a fraction for a brief moment before he sprung up from the couch, blindly reaching around for his scattered clothing._ _

__“ _Fuck. Fuck shit fuck_ ” _ _

__Thor suddenly felt dumbfounded upon watching Loki gather his clothing, put it on in a manner of seconds, he almost reached out to stop Loki from dressing in haste, until he realized what he was about to do, and turned around to give him some privacy as Loki dressed. Once he felt enough time had passed, he turned back to facing the man who spent the night on his couch pressed against him._ _

__“Loki,” He stated knowing not how to finish the sentence. All he wanted was for Loki to stay in his flat, and the fact that Loki looked so panicked and flushed, fast to dress up made him panic in return, as if Loki was slipping away from his reach once more. He reached towards Loki, grabbing his forearm efficiently steeling Loki’s movements._ _

__“You didn’t rent me for the morning” Loki said sounding wary._ _

__“No, I- I didn’t _rent_ you- Jesus.” Thor found himself at a loss of words. _ _

__“You want a shower ?” Taking in Loki’s greasy hair, he went down the easy road, whatever he could do to keep Loki longer._ _

__“Yeah…yeah.” Loki said after staying silent for a couple minutes and Thor realized he was still holding onto Loki, so he let go showing Loki towards his tiny bathroom._ _

__“Take as long as you want, don’t have bathrobes but uh- clean towels are in the closet,” he gestured, doubting Loki would judge him for not having bathrobes. Loki nodded and there was nothing else for Thor to say, so he left Loki in his bathroom._ _

__He attempted to prepare breakfast while Loki showered. He didn’t usually cook breakfast for himself, he had spotted a fine place, and having friended the barista in the coffee shop down the corner who always greeted him with a smile and threw in a couple donuts his way. He didn’t have much to go on with, but he managed scrambled eggs and toast, and by the time he was done, Loki emerged through the doors, fully clothed._ _

__“I made breakfast.” Stating the obvious for him seemed like an ever remaning constant._ _

__“Enjoy it.” Loki responded without a second glance at him, casting his gaze downwards._ _

__“You’re welcome to join.” Thor really didn’t know how to progress here, for once, it was Loki, for second, it was a prostitute who did not recognize him._ _

__“What time is it ?” Loki asked once more._ _

__“It’s almost one pm.”_ _

__Loki looked uneasy again and Thor’s repressed rage entwined with his guilt bubbled up uncontrollably, it was _Loki_ , they were playing a stupid game just as they’ve had during their childhood, and yet Loki still refused to acknowledge him. He was onto Loki before he even realized he gripped onto his forearms, pinning him against the wall of his living room. _ _

__“Your name. Tell me your name.” He growled, rocking Loki against the wall making a *thump* sound._ _

__“Anything ! _anyone !_ ” Loki looked so panicked and Thor could feel the thrumming of his heart beat against his own breast as he pressed himself closer to Loki. It broke his heart, as well as his haze of rage as Loki kept panting. Scaring Loki wasn’t what he aimed, neither was having Loki as anyone. He stepped back, giving Loki his space. _ _

__“I-I need to leave.” Loki sputtered and Thor stood there as if steeled to the ground, watching Loki slide through his front door._ _

__***_ _

__Thor couldn’t focus on a single sale that day, almost causing them one of their largest accounts. Just as anyone, he wasn’t an exception to Sif, who managed to catch him during the lunch break. Thor could probably confide in her, given that she was one of his most trust worthy friends, having been transferred to the same location right after Thor._ _

__It was no coincidence, Sif came from a family of rich people, why she chose to work for Odin’s company, Thor had no idea, yet he wasn’t so clueless that he couldn’t put two and two together. Their fathers always meant for himself and Sif to end up together, yet they had become best friends, aware of their situation, and had always confided in one another. They had put up a pretty good show so far for their parents._ _

__“Thor, what’s going on ?” Sif asked, worry engraved in her features. Thor thought about lying once again, but he could only keep it up for so long, especially against someone like Sif._ _

__“My brother, Loki,” And he hated the look of pity that formed in Sif’s expression the second he’d said it._ _

__“Thor,”_ _

__“I think I’ve found him.” Thor burst out before letting get a world in._ _

__“Where ?”_ _

__There came the hardest part. He couldn’t say that he was sure that he had found Loki as a prostitute who didn’t even recognize him._ _

__“He…he doesn’t remember me, not fully, but it’s him. I know it’s him.” He thought of Loki laying on his couch once again. Loki with bruises, Loki who was panicked, Loki who couldn’t seem to get away faster._ _

__Sif remained silent for a long time and Thor was grateful for It. Sif never judged harshly,even though her instincts screamed for it._ _

__“I don’t know what you’ve got yourself wrapped up in. But you better not screw up those accounts.” She smiled at him and pet his shoulder before leaving him to his own thoughts. He kept thinking about Loki throughout the entire day; whether or not he was going to find him in the same place, and if he would finally remember who Thor was. A small part of his brain kept reminding him how terrible of an idea it was to begin with. Loki most certainly didn’t remember him, and for all he knew he could just be continuously harboring a prostitute._ _

__Despite his judgement, Thor knew he was going to try and see Loki that night. So he bid his goodbyes to his employees, and made his way to the street that he once saw Loki in._ _


	4. Chapter 4

Despite his best attempts, he did not find Loki that night, he didn’t even come close. He killed an hour on the streets, eyes seeking out for that familiar glimmer of green, only to come up empty. There were a couple girls, and a handful of guys whom he could ask, but he never worked up the courage to do so. He gave up after an hour an a half, skulking towards the nearest liquor store with flashing neon lights in the dark, stocking up on whiskey before trotting back to his spot with a bag of Jack Daniels. He waited for another twenty minutes before hauling a cab, proceeding to drink himself into oblivion once he was in his flat, zapping channels before gradually ended up face down on his bed, passing out into a dreamless sleep. 

It was particularly exhausting to drag himself out of bed the following day The events of the previous night weighed heavier on him than intended. He dreaded facing work, and dreaded what would inevitably come after that knowing himself. His mind was set to sought out Loki once again. Deep down inside it granted him a faint feeling of righteousness, looking out for his little brother came as a second nature ever since Loki had gone missing. _If only you’d have done that when it counted_ , Thor thought bitterly. He had entertained the idea that he was going out of his mind, but those high cheekbones, thinly presses lips, arched eyebrows; it all called to a primal instinct to own and to protect deep within him, something that only Loki had been able to provoke throughout his life. The only loophole in his scenario was that Loki seemed to have zero recognition of him. He recalled the images of Loki lying naked on his couch as an involuntary shiver took over him. Sif’s worried gaze swarmed into his vision briefly, and even though he wanted to hate her for it, he couldn’t bring himself to feel the emotion. She had ever been the anchor in his life ever since they’d met during their course of work and once they’d realized that their fathers had actually been acquaintances related through business, they had become close friends soon after. Sif had always been bold, perhaps even more so than she needed to be at times, always speaking her mind and what she believed to be true. Thor, had always been relatively transparent even as he tried to hide behind the veneer that had been forced upon him, the trait bringing them closer inevitably. Anyone he’d met would tell him that he was so transparent and how he needed to put his emotions aside if he wanted to make it in the industry. Thor never took it as a criticism, his success speaking for its own. He had always prided himself on being honest, and if honesty translated for pellucidity, he let it be. He had told Sif quite a lot about his family history through the years; the pressure of being expected to take upon family business, long devoid expectations of living up to his father’s legacy, his adopted brother and their skewed family dynamics while carefully leaving out the fleeting times where he felt more than brotherly affection towards his step-brother. It had been hard to unravel at first, because it was far more perplexed than he could express in words, be it his relationship with his father or brother. His feelings towards his brother in public had always been expressed somewhat loosely, too close to surface, yet bordering on far too restrictive for Thor. Regardless, she had never questioned him during the times he would be open with her, even when he confessed that he expressed interest towards males. It had been even more of a shock to find out that she knew of Fandral and Volstagg. It was almost funny how they had all ended up working for the same company, like a twist of fate.

Thor allowed his mind to stray from facing employees and clients to his own feelings as he prepared coffee. Once the coffee was done, he walked out to his balcony in his pajamas, trusting the crisp morning breeze to awaken him wholly. He let his gaze steer down at the streets, took in the people roaming the streets, and allowed himself the splendor of a cigarette. It had been two months since he’d last indulged in a puff. He felt the smoke fill his lungs and he coughed twice, already feeling himself falling back into the familiar pattern. Sif would be disappointed in him without a doubt, but he felt the need for vices at this point. He took another puff from his cigarette, relishing in the bitter taste of nicotine, suddenly wishing he could blow off all responsibilities; work, the bus ride, clients, even the cab ride back to his flat, anything. Loki would have let him. Just as he would have done as he did back when they were in highschool. Thor wished things to be as facile as they had been back during those times, just boys cutting a class or two, sneaking out the back to smoke a joint with his friends. Yet somehow he found himself smoking in his balcony, glancing over the rush of people that flooded the streets, feeling a childish sense of guilt. He wondered if any individual among the sea of swarming sea of people had such troubles addling their minds, the woman with the red coat, the guy with the dark hair. Did they ever have their lives go amiss ? 

He shook his head as if the simplistic motion could bring himself back to reality. He couldn’t help his mind from straying back to Loki momentarily and he knew he couldn’t avoid the course of his life as much as he wanted to. He put out his cigarette on the railing of the balcony and went back inside to dress up in one of his regular suits for work, setting out for the bus to his office. For the first time in a long while, he didn’t think of anything related to work on his bus ride. 

Apparently, time being stuck when one willed it to pass quickly, was not a myth. He checked the his clock for what seemed to be the billionth time before the lunch break. He tried to seclude himself the best, but he had always spent his lunch break in the cafeteria with the rest of the crew and he felt as if he’d draw more attention if he were to suddenly disappear. Shoulders carefully pulled taut, he braced himself for the worst, only to be met with an easy going Sif, as if she’d sensed his discomfort throughout the day. They made easy conversation, talking about clients, comparing their tally. Thor found himself laughing at Fandral’s bawdy jokes and Volstagg’s stories of his children and his wife. However, his lunch break was over way too soon and being a contractor, having no meetings for the remainder of the day left him with a lot of spare time to waste. Against the reasonable part of his mind, he googled Loki once more. It wasn’t the first time he’d done it, ever since the Police Department had told them that they were obligated to stop searching, he googled Loki in almost periodic intervals. He scrolled through the usual stuff, _’Odin’s Son Missing’, ‘Odin’s Son or Stepson-‘ So much for him turning out to be a prostitute,_ he thought. Thor closed the tabs and did his best to focus on his business. He tied up two more deals before checking out, being cheered on by his co-workers upon his business transactions. He took it in stride as he often did, knowing he was good at what he did, allying with Stark Industries had been the right choice for him. It was the easiest and the most efficient way to give Odin the middle finger without actually doing so, given how Stark Industries had been Odin’s grandest rival in the business ever since Tony Stark took over. He found comfort in the fact that he was actually making himself useful instead of being coddled by his father’s minions. Tony Stark, inheriting the business after his own father had managed to erase any negative connotations to the company name that they previously suffered in the first few years he had come in power, was really smart and had decent morals give or take his lewd sense of humor which Thor had come to appreciate once Tony had cracked his demenaour. However what Thor appreciated the most was the fact that Tony hadn’t been interested in his lack of experience or more importantly his surname, and had actually hired Thor for his potential. 

_Odinson_. His surname had haunted him throughout his career, if not his entire life, including college; professors willing to give him extra credit, socialites trying to reach out to him, and most importantly for Thor, setting Loki further apart from him without even either of them realizing. Thor had a lot to be grateful for and he wasn’t stupid enough to chuck it aside, but sometimes it felt easier if he could blame it all on his surname. He was glad he was working in an environment that actually made himself feel profitable instead of being coddled and monitored by his father’s minions. Thor made sure to not let Tony down each day he walked into his office. 

The day was over far too sooner than he would have liked, and soon enough he took his familiar spot on the streets, still determined to find Loki. He thought about calling his mother briefly, she would surely know what to do in such a crisis, however upon reconsideration Thor came to the realization that it might not be the best idea to call Frigga on her long lost adopted son without and solid lead. Frigga had been just as devastated as Thor, if not more so, upon Loki’s disappearance, and Thor really didn’t want to bring up arduous memories unless he was certain. His face heated up with shame as to what he was about to do; perusing the streets for a prostitute yet once more. A couple girls working the streets winked at him, Thor was aware that he was an anomaly in these streets. He was excruciatingly handsome to be seeking out company for the night, he wasn’t a narcissist, far from it actually, yet he had been praised enough to know that his looks worked in his favor, all the while wearing an expensive three piece suit. He managed to ignore the winks and whistles, mind set on locating Loki. He spotted the man he had exchanged words with the previous night before he laid eyes upon Loki. The guy didn’t pay heed to him until Thor walked into his personal space, demanding his attention. 

“Come back for more ?” The guy slurred drunkenly, keeping his tone jocular. _Great_ Thor thought. Only guy he could’ve wrung some information out of, and he was wasted. _‘What did you expect to find ?’_ a tiny voice whispered to him.

Thor could see the flicker of a golden tooth through his smirk and had to will down to sudden urge to punch the guy square in the jaw just for the sake of it. It was the first time in his life that he found himself asking for a favor to from a guy who was pimping out prostitutes. He weighed the outcome of straight up punching the guy, just because he appeared so smug and for the sheer need of wanting to, yet decided against it with tremendous self restraint given what was at stake, it would have been a poor move working to his disadvantage. 

“Yes.” His reply came out clipped and the guy made no effort to respond. “There was a guy the other night, black hair, green eyes.” His voice sounded strange to his own ears, strained and far away as if he was watching the scene undulate from far away. He almost straight up asked for the name Loki, stopping himself barely. He still felt millions of worlds away when the guy finally spoke. 

“Ah, that one.” The guy nodded knowingly. Thor tried his best to not take offense at his precious Loki being referred to as ‘that one’. “He’s sold for the night, cheap ones with tight asses go fast.” he said with a smirk. 

Thor contended another wave of nausea that hit upon the words, and kept telling himself that beating this guy into a bloody pulp would just lead him towards trouble and no closer to Loki. 

“I’ll pay double.” The words left his mouth before he even realized what he was actually saying and suddenly he was feeling disgusted with himself, offering to pay for something that should’ve been granted to him freely; time spent with Loki. His long lost brother who hadn’t shown a sign of recognition towards him. It was still absurd that he had been reduced to resorting to direct payment for a night within his vicinity. He leaned in towards the guy, invading his personal space even further, bulk coming in handy even as he inwardly begged for it to not come to that, he stuck a couple hundred bills in in his palm. 

“Fetch him.” He whispered in a comminatory manner, praying that it would have the desired effect. Despite his granted posture and accompanying tone, he felt terrified on the inside. He knew he was playing an intricate game, a one that he would either gain or lose all. The only problem was the stakes were set too high this time. The man he faced stood his ground, albeit stiffly to his credit. It took Thor a couple moments to realize that he was laughing, placing a sturdy hand on Thor’s shoulder and squeezing briefly for reassurance before attempting to push him backwards, not daunted by Thor’s stance, and the fact that he seemed to easily hover over. It took a lot for Thor to not bulge slightly. The man let out a sharp laugh at his efforts, at least having the audacity to remove his hand from Thor’s person and backing off a step. 

“Easy, easy now. There are other birds, y’know.” He tried to pat Thor on the shoulder which he shook off easily enough. 

“No.” Thor’s voice brooked no arguments despite his knees silently threatening to give out. 

The man sighed and slipped out of Thor’s reach to slither back into the alleyway. Several minutes passed by leaving Thor standing alone in the dimly lit alleyway all by himself and suddenly unsure, but what happened next, Thor wasn’t prepared for and shattered his heart to pieces promptly. The guy had located Loki alright, dragging him by the elbow from the alley where Loki seemed to limp along obediently. Thor fought against his gut instinct, steeled himself to his spot as Loki was thrusted towards him with his pants not even half way up, fluids Thor didn’t even want to think about running down his thighs as his shaky hands rumbled with his pants, trying to pull them up in a hasty attempt to cover himself. Thor instantly snapped his gaze from Loki’s discomfort to the guy who still infuriatingly held his grip on Loki. 

“This the one you wanted ?” The guy asked as if Thor had ordered a meal in a restaurant and he was making sure his order had come up right. Much to his abhorrence, Thor had to play the cards he’d bean dealt right, yet even the grip on Loki’s elbow was setting his nerves alight. He inhaled deeply as his nails left crescent moon shaped marks deep in his palm as he kept squeezing his fist tighter. 

“He’s the one.” His voice came out strained and unstable, perhaps a bit too rough despite his efforts. Luck seemed to be on his side for once for Loki’s captor didn’t seemed to notice as he hummed in delight, counting the dollar bills Thor chucked into his hand earlier, pushing Loki towards Thor. A soft gasp emerged Loki as Thor caught him easily, wrapping a concrete arm around his waist and arranging Loki’s arm so it wrung around his shoulders. The guy was still counting the cash with a vulgar expression when Thor supported both of them away, checking Loki for immediate injuries once he saw that they were far enough to draw attention.

Thor made sure Loki’s clothing was all done up properly before he risked a cab ride, flinching as he buttoned up Loki’s jeans trying not to pay attention to Loki’s present state.

“We’ll get you all cleaned up, don’t worry.” He whispered gently against the shell of his ear. To his discomfit, Loki didn’t even seem to care, only wincing slightly when Thor wrapped an arm around his shoulders, supporting his weight once again, carrying them both away from the alley, hopefully for once and for all if Thor could help it. 

The cab ride wasn’t been any more easier with Thor fidgeting in his seat, stealing not too subtle glances towards Loki and Loki wearing the same dead expression through out the entire trip. He made sure to tip generously as he ushered Loki into the apartment once more with the same unease he felt the first time. They made it to Thor’s flat with Loki slumped against the side of the elevator and Thor fetching for his keys.His flat wasn’t anything impressive to go by, just a place he’d rented temporarily, relatively close to work and affordable by his own standards without asking for extra money from Odin. Once they made it in, Loki looked as uncertain as Thor felt, once more standing like a sore thumb in the middle of his living room, next to that damned couch. Thor moved quickly, locking the door even through no one would be bothering them, not in his flat. Then he made a quick trip to the bathroom, determined to wash away everything Loki had experienced during their time apart, one step at a time. 

He tentatively opened the door that lead to his bathroom and made a beckoning gesture towards Loki, who sauntered towards Thor. Once Loki was in the bathroom, Thor made sure the door was closed once again, nonsensically careful as if closing doors after Loki would cement his position in Thor’s life. Loki still looked groggy in his muddied jeans and halter top but his breathing had seemed to even out. Only then he focused his full attention towards Loki. There was no beating around it, Loki looked like hell. Thor tired to ignore the bruises fading into black and yellow, the needle marks on the soft skin of his upper arms. _You need to be strong._ Thor thought. 

“I figured you would like bath.” He said swallowing around the lump that seemed to form in his throat. He wanted to clean Loki himself, to reach into every crevice and rub them raw until Loki was cleansed however intrusive that might have sounded once voiced aloud. Despite the urgent need to _do_ , he didn’t have the heart the offer it. Loki shrugged and started undoing his jeans while trying to pull them down with some skin still attached due to dried semen sticking to his thighs. Thor flinched at his efforts and reached out for Loki who stilled at once when Thor gripped his wrists, fingers easily looping around. 

“Let me…” Thor swallowed audibly before continuing, better to embarrass himself than have Loki hurt himself. “Would you allow me to bathe you ?” he asked softly, tentatively allowing one of his hands to rub soothing circles on Loki’s backside. Loki nodded once not making a move to break out his grip and Thor didn’t need further initiative. He made short work of ridding both himself and Loki from their tops, figuring it would be more comfortable for Loki if he replicated the movements. He unbuttoned Loki’s jeans properly in a delicate manner that even surprised himself. He had taken memory of how Loki winced once he tried prying them off, so he simply gathered Loki into his arms and simply submerged him in the warm water. Loki gave out a soft moan as his skin made contact with the water, holding onto Thor’s biceps with nimble fingers. Thor tried to work his way around Loki’s grip, trying to pry off his jeans with slow but sure movements, attempting for minimum discomfort, taking as much time as he needed. Loki lifted his hips upwards, still gripping onto Thor for leverage. Thor rubbed hot water against Loki’s inner tights, finally feeling the fabric give away under his ministrations, he pulled it off of Loki, laving him clad in nothing. He tossed the disheveled jeans to the side making a mental note to have Loki’s clothes sent to the dry cleaner’s, or burnt, he reached for the shower gel on the stand. 

Thor had lost the track of time before he’d stopped scrubbing Loki’s body, it felt like a minute yet it could’ve been hours before he placed the half empty bottle, reaching for the shampoo. He poured a generous amount into his hands before moving onto Loki’s hair. It felt more intimate than anything he had done so far; given that he had been rubbing at Loki’s inner thighs and soft cock, in between his buttocks and up to his chest again for the past hour, soliciting any evidence of anyone else being there all the while Loki just sat there pliantly. Yet feeling and massaging Loki’s scalp with his crafty fingers and discerning touch applying the right amount of pressure somehow felt more intimate. Loki leaned into his touch once he dug his fingers down into the back of his neck, trying to get rid of the suds under the spray of how water, so Thor gave in and let his hands work against Loki’s scalp for a couple moments longer where Loki grew even malleable. 

Once Thor deemed Loki unsullied enough, he pulled the plug of the bath, watching all the dirt go down the drain as if it was leaving Loki. He let go of Loki to fetch him a bathrobe. He didn’t have one for guests, so his clean robe would have to do. He doubted Loki would mind anyway. Once het got Loki out of the bathroom, cuddled in his bathrobe, he lead Loki to his bedroom, where Loki untied the belt around his robe almost immediately before Thor gripped his wrist again. Loki reamed in his bathrobe while Thor laid clean clothes - his old sweat-pants and and a tshirt that didn’t fit him any longer- on his bed. 

“These would fit you the best, I think.” He said, turning his back to Loki to grant him some sort of privacy. He kept himself from laughing at the outlandish situation of it all; turning his back on a prostitute while he changed. Who turned out to be his long lost brother. Life was indeed whimsical, bitterly so. Once he heard a faint cough coming from behind him, he turned around and there was Loki, wearing his clothes. Before Thor did anything else, he noted to schedule a doctor’s appointment for Loki for his sake. Then he gestured towards his bed, hoping he wouldn’t need to prevent another one of Loki’s attempts to drop naked. He allowed himself a small smile when Loki made no move to undress, just laying himself on Thor’s bed dressed in his clothes. Everything almost felt right again once he tentatively slotted himself next to Loki on the bed. Thor waited until Loki’s breath evened out, and he only wrapped an arm around Loki’s waist and dragged him close once he was sure Loki was sound asleep.


	5. Chapter 5

He woke up with Loki slotted against him the next morning. Thor relished in the fleeting moments were Loki was molded into his grip, his expression almost serene, deceptively close to peaceful. Thor pried his arms off of Loki and headed towards the shower hoping to clear his mind, respite the situation he was in. Hot strands of water felt celestial against his skin and Thor took his time to think as he always did under the spring of scaldingly hot water. Even if - _even if_ \- the person sleeping in his bed wasn’t his brother, it didn’t take a genius to put two and two together, he needed help. He contemplated going straight to the Police, he’d been thinking about it ever since he saw Loki, but chances that they would actually take him seriously were slim. An idea sprung to his mind just then; an investor, nothing too special, just a client Thor took upon a couple days ago; Dr. Banner, who had assured him several times to contact him upon any medical complicates. Thor usually didn’t rely on his clients for personal favors, especially regarding such a delicate work environment, but desperation clawed at him.

Loki was still soundly asleep when he got out of the shower and padded towards his closet to put on some clothes. Thankfully It was a weekend and he didn’t need to check in for work, even though he’d made previous plans, they were easy to cancel with a couple well mannered texts. He dialed Bruce’s number, already hating the hesitation that crept into his voice while he left a message. Most likely, Dr. Banner would be more than eager to set an appointment at the hospital he owned upon Thor’s request for the next day, even though they weren’t open for business ‘officially’. Partially relieved, Thor moved on to prepare breakfast for two, having no idea what Loki would like, he made sure to make best of the ingredients he had. It ended up being hash browns, scrambled eggs and toasted bread with butter. Just as he was feeling proud of the selection he’d put out, Loki emerged from the bedroom, looking disoriented and disheveled. 

“I-I used the shower, if you don’t mind.” He said, as if he was granted a tremendous privilege. Thor could close up the space between them in two strides yet he held himself back, reminding himself not to be too forward to scare Loki away.

“Breakfast ?” He offered gently. “You’re not going anywhere.” He regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth, having Loki flinching and steeled to the spot was the least of his intentions. 

“I mean, at least have breakfast, c’mon.” He gestured towards the kitchen table, ignoring how desperate he sounded. Loki just shrugged and seated himself on a stool. Thor prepared their meals, all the while driving himself insane in his mind upon how to breach the subject of a medical check-up that was set specifically for Loki without his knowledge. Despite his lithe -bordering on starvation according to Thor- frame, Loki showed little interest in food, mostly playing around with the contents of his plate, casting his glance downwards, almost as if he was not worthy to look Thor in the eyes. Thor felt the agitation build up in his insides during the course of their silent breakfast. Just as soon as Loki moved to make his leave, he shot up from his seat, startling both himself and Loki. 

“Please stay with me.” It sounded even more pathetic to his ears than Thor could have ever surmised. He needed Loki to trust him and even further, to acknowledge him on a visceral level. 

“ _Please, Loki,_ ” 

And just like that Loki went rigid, turning on his heels to face Thor wholly. 

“ _What ?_ ” He rasped, breath halfway to panting. Perhaps this was going to be harder than he initially bargained for. “Please stay with me. You’ll be taken care of and-,”

Loki cut him off mid sentence. “No no, what did you just-“ he looked like he was having a panic attack, his pale complexion flushed and his breathing coming out in sharp pangs. Thor took the liberty of stepping closer, reaching around the crook of Loki’s neck, wrapping his fingers around his nape, drawing them closer in a familiar gesture. 

“ _Loki,_ ” he repeated, hoping for the tiniest sliver of recognition. Loki still looked devoid of all emotion save for his uneven breathing, with unfocused eyes. 

“Loki,” He repeated softly, allowing Thor a whispered corroboration. 

“I’ve spoken to your boss,” Thor really didn’t want to say hustler, and Loki seemed to relax a fragment upon that, so he continued, “It’s fine if you spend the day here, I’ve,” He had to swallow around the lump forming around his throat, “I’ve paid for the entire day.” He winced internally upon seeing Loki’s posture go slack upon his words. Not entirely true, but then again Thor wasn’t about to let Loki roam the streets under the command of some asshole. 

Loki gulped down his plate far too quickly and Thor did his best not to stare at the marks on the inside of his elbows trying to keep his breakfast down. Once they were both done Thor made quick work of dumping both of their plates into the sink and turned towards Loki once again. His brother looked incredibly skinny. He was about to suggest to go shopping when his phone started ringing. Seeing it was Bruce, he picked up immediately. 

‘You need someone t be taken care of ?’ _Yes_ Thor thought desperately, his gaze not leaving Loki’s, who looked like a deer caught in headlights anyways. Thor made quick conversation, affirming Bruce was expecting them as soon as possible, that day in fact. The only obstacle that remained was Loki’s veneer, and Thor had just the idea to crack it open. He put his mobile down on the counter and took a step towards Loki as one would approach a wounded animal. 

“We’re gonna visit someone, are you okay with that ?” he asked tentatively. Loki shrugged once again and Thor realized how sick he’d gotten of Loki’s shrugging. Had no one ever given him the chance to respond properly ? “Is that fine ?” He pressed on, not taking the half hearted shrug for an answer. 

“Yeah, yes, it’s fine.” Loki said once prompted further. Thor didn’t have much to go with so he accepted the answer. His mind was set on taking Loki to a hospital anyway, it was just his luck that he had a doctor willing to cater to his needs at his disposal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short update, but an update nonetheless. The next one's going to be longer for sure.


	6. Chapter 6

Thor took his time getting ready, making sure to pack an extra set of clothes should he needed to stay overnight, desperately wishing he could do the same for Loki; who had managed to make himself appear even smaller, hugging his knees to chest in Thor’s already cluttered flat. Once they made it to the hospital, Bruce greeted them right away, giving Thor a firm handshake while his gaze fell upon Loki briefly. Thor felt uncomfortable despite his struggle to keep his expression and stature neutral, he kept reminding himself of what was at stake, while the saner part of his mind ate away at his subconscious, telling him that this had been a lost cause to begin with. The scent that lingered in hospitals got to him and he masked it away with a cough. Bruce regarded them with hospitality, at least as much as one could show in such an environment. 

“I take it that you want this case to remain private ?” He asked in a low voice, gesturing for the approaching nurse to keep her distance. Thor didn’t have to ask what Bruce meant. He wasn’t in a position to call forth any media attention by simply walking into a hospital; the only time he was mentioned in any sort of publication was when he refused to take over Odin’s business years ago, the story making its way into a couple business magazines. What Bruce implied was something he was deeply thankful for; no official admittance paperwork, no interviews, inconspicuous process, Thor knew how it went. He was brought back to reality by Bruce’s soft reminder of a cough. Loki was already showing signs of discomfort, stepping closer to Thor, trying and failing to disguise the faint tremble of his hands at his sides. “It is.” Thor said, “I need him treated well.” He said, quickly adding “And with care.” emphasizing his point by leaning in closer and letting his voice drop an octave. Bruce nodded once, and Thor wrapped his arm around Loki’s waist hoping it would grant some semblance of reassurance. He leaned in and whispered “It’s fine, it’ll _be_ fine.” and patiently waited for Loki to relax against his grip, a part of the hospital staff still watching the bizarre scene that was unraveling before them. Bruce gestured towards the admission desk with an apologetic smile “I will still need him to check in.” Upon the hesitant look on Thor’s face, he went on to continue, “everything else will be kept private.” Having no other option, Thor dragged a reluctant Loki towards the stand, with Bruce trailing close by. 

The woman behind the counter didn’t even look up from her occupation when they approached. “Name of the patient ?” She intoned dully. He really didn’t want to risk saying ‘Loki Odinson’ and having Loki go into another one of his trances, whatever they’d experienced back in his flat might have been. He recalled him by name the first night they’d met, and Loki had shown absolutely no sign of recognition, so Thor was uncertain how he would react now. “I-“ He looked at Bruce with pleading eyes, but before Bruce could say anything, the woman behind the counter sighed “Fine, just sign here.” She said, pushing the paperwork across the desk. The offhanded gesture made him wonder if they took this nature of approach often, admitting patients without even questioning their name. Being in no position to make complaints, Thor made short work of signing in his name. His hands’ tremble almost matched Loki’s, and he pushed the forms back across the countertop. After what felt like ages to Thor, Bruce laid a tentative hand on his shoulder, giving a gentle squeeze. “Looks like we’re all set here.” Loki tensed upon those words, pressing his side to Thor, who just gripped him tighter. It was the simple dispositions of Loki that made Thor uncomfortable the most, in all the years he had envisioned their reconciliation, Loki had always remained as he remembered him, all forcefully irrefutable and unyielding. Instead Loki was shaking barely holding his own weight. “Lead the way.” He said, putting his trust in Banner, who lead them towards a separated court, his palm coming to rest against Thor’s chest right outside the warded room, before he moved to step in after Loki. “I think it would be for the best if you waited this one out. Not filling in official forms is a string I can pull in my hospital, but I can’t just let you in on examination. Trust me when I say it’s for his sake.” Suddenly Thor felt dread worming its way into his gut, twisting and squirming his innards. It would mean leaving Loki alone, with people he barely knew without so much as an official admittance. He had already entrusted Bruce with more than he could afford to do with anyone else. All he wanted was to be there for Loki, to not leave his side for a second, so he tried to object before having Bruce interrupt him again. “It will be _private_ , Thor, I will be examining him myself and you will be notified afterwards if anything goes awry, but until then you need to allow me to work with him-” He said gently. “And before I progress further, just what exactly am I supposed to be treating him for ?” It was clear as day that it wasn’t Bruce’s intention to pry, yet it felt like he was doing so regardless. Possibly seeing the agitation his words brought upon Thor, he hastily added, “Look, Mr. Odinson -Thor. I don’t mean to pry. Close friend, family, “ Thor flinched only slightly, “Lover… I can tell he matters to you and I don’t mind either way, but I need something to go with.” Thor ran a couple quick ideas -lies, really- before deciding on a solid answer, “Drugs.” Because it would serve as a valid excuse bound to perturb any concerned doctor, and would provide relief to Thor on some sick level. If he could blame Loki’s state solely on drugs. Even the thought itself felt like a sharp blade twisting in his belly drawing blood, closely followed by an abundance of guilt. He forced himself to focus on what Banner had been saying. “… and could you tell me his name ? I understand that you don’t want it in the records, but it would be easier if I had a name to address him by.” He could have easily said Loki back in the day, it would’ve rolled of his tongue easily, yet he found his mouth to be dry when he parted his lips to voice the words. “He doesn’t- I’ve called him by his name, and he-“ _doesn’t react ? Squints his eyes accusingly ? Panics ?_ Thor had no idea what to say, so he swallowed around the words that threatened to form. Bruce raised his eyebrows faintly in professionally veiled surprise and knowingly said, “He did not respond in the way you expected ? That could happen in certain situations. What did you call him ?” Thor realized he was more tired than he actually had been in months while he felt the fight leaving him by increments. “Loki. I called- _His name is Loki._ ” 

***

Bruce followed Loki into the private ward locking the door after them, leaving Thor staring after them with a longing gaze. Loki on the other hand still looked like a deer caught in headlights, twitching on the spot while eyeing the door as if he was contemplating to make a run for it given the chance. Bruce didn’t need the years of experience or his diploma to tell him that he was dealing with an abuse victim as well as one that used drugs if he took what Thor said on face value, so he tried to keep his tone as gentle as possible. 

“Loki, right ?” He said, gesturing for Loki to sit on the armchair besides the examination table which Loki did promptly, still resolutely avoiding his gaze. He needed Loki to trust him on a minor level before he carried on with the regular examination. 

“Sure,” 

“Well, Loki, I’m not going to hurt you, first of all I need you to understand that.” He had given up on the cringe worthy _’I’m just here to help.’_ years ago. The response he got startled him, which was impressive given his experience in the particular field of work. Loki was laughing, doubling over even. Bruce simply waited for him to regain composure, Loki wiping his eyes with the heels of his palms. The veneer from panicked and hurt seemed to transform into mocking and crude in the blink of an eye. However his laughter held no bite nor mirth to it, sounding like broken glass escaping his throat, jagged pieces rattling on concrete floor. 

“You’re not going to hurt me.” He repeated dryly once he was done laughing at him, gaze fixated on the floor. Bruce nodded in assertion. “I’m not.” He said calmly as if they had all time in the world to simply talk out Loki’s issues. Only then Loki looked up to meet him eye to eye, smiling ferociously. “You could, you know.” Loki said as if coming into realization of their positions. “ _Hurt me._ If you so wanted, you could-“

“Does Thor hurt you ?” As much as it hurt Bruce to ask it, it needed to be done. More than often abuse victims had been admitted by their culprits. Loki succumbed to quiescence then, calmly studying his nails. “No.” He muttered in a whisper and not wanting to get in over his head, Bruce let the subject drop by. Thor hardly seemed to be the one hurting him anyway.

“I just need to perform a routine check up, if you would.” He said, hoping to draw Loki’s attention to elsewhere. Loki just shrugged and got up from his seat, stripping bare before him casually. Bruce’s eyes fell upon the spots where it called necessary, taking in the tenuous needle marks upon his body. So Thor hadn’t been lying. Bruce couldn’t decide if he found it relieving or distressing. A drug test was to follow up then. The regular check up that he went by quickly showed nothing amiss for someone who abused drugs, _possibly heroin_ Bruce assessed by the bruises on Loki’s arms. He needed a sample for a blood test even though chances of Loki shooting during the last four to six hours were slim, given he had been under Thor’s surveillance, a blood sample was still mandatory. 

Convincing Loki into the idea of sticking a needle into his arm hadn’t been easy, Loki had tensed up and even resorted to flat out wailing and trashing out, he had relented in the end, sticking his arm out for Bruce, who kept talking to him during the entire process, explaining what he was doing medically, something his clients oddly found soothing. The next part didn’t prove it to be any easier; Loki looked at him as if he was the one who was admitted when Bruce presented him with a cup. It had already been more than half an hour and he knew Thor would have to be growing restless, being left in the dark for so long. “You want me to piss in this ?” Loki asked for the fourth time. “Yes, Loki, for a urine test. Common procedure. I would take you to a urinal, but given your case… It’s just procedure. ” Bruce tried to make it sound as casual as possible, which it was. Urine samples when testing for drugs were mandatory, since tracking for them was easier through urine given the range of time drugs stayed in one’s system. Fearing Thor would do something irrational like barging in during a crucial moment, Bruce’s tone became almost desperate. “Come on, I’ll turn my back, just try to fill in the cup.” Loki finally took the cup and turned his back towards Bruce, who did the same. The sound of piss hitting the plastic filled the room and against his better judgement Bruce didn’t say anything even though he felt thankful that Loki was obliging. Once the noise subsided, he gave Loki a couple more moments before turning around, facing Loki who raised the cup towards him. Once he had all the samples securely put away, he smiled at Loki. “We’re all done. It will be a couple days before we get the results. Seeing how you don’t have any concussions or internal bleeding, you’re free to take your leave.” Loki nodded and straightened his clothes before opening the door, only to reveal a Thor who was crumpled on one of the seats against the corridor, eyes set on the very door Loki emerged from. Thor rose to his feet immediately once Bruce shut the door being them. He reached out for Loki, who gave in and moved closer to his side. Bruce let them have their concise reconciliation, aware that Loki needed a familiar touch after such examination. Once Thor’s features gave into ease, etchings of worry slightly disappearing, he beckoned Thor away from Loki to have a private word. 

“I’ve gotten the samples I need, but if I may, he needs psychological treatment.” He knew he needed to break the subject gently. Thor nodded half heartedly, his gaze still lingering on Loki. 

“Thor, I mean it. Look at me,” Only then Thor tore his look from Loki to focus his entire attention on him. 

“Bruce, I can’t thank you enough-“ He started. 

“Don’t thank me yet. As I’ve said, psychological treatment. He really needs it.” Thor nodded once again almost looking defeated. “I see.” 

“The drug screening results will come up in a couple days, wednesday for sure. But I can already tell that he’s in need of psychological attention. I can recommend people.” He stopped for a brief moment for Thor to take in the information. 

“There is one person I would recommend in such a case.” He slipped a business card into Thor’s front pocket. “Call her, trust me on this, if there’s one person to help him, she’s the one.” Thor still looked unconvinced. “But what of,” He seemed to trail off, not able to complete his inquiry. 

“Of what ?” he asked barely above a whisper, not wanting to draw attention. 

“Marks. He has them, surely you must have seen, needle marks-“ Thor stopped mid sentence, clamping his jaw shut, as if he’d spilled some secret Bruce wasn’t privy to. 

“I did.” He winced sympathetically. “As I’ve said, the results will be here by wednesday. Until then, just try to make sure he doesn’t use anything.” Thor nodded again. “And _call her_.” Bruce patted the front pocket of Thor’s shirt for emphasis, before leaving Thor to take Loki home for the remainder of the day.

***

Loki was pliant once they left the hospital, keeping quiet and sticking close to Thor. _Natasha Romanov_ , the business card Bruce slipped in his pocket said. It was a single name with a number attached nothing more. “How was the appointment with Bruce ?” he asked, not knowing how to breach the subject without making Loki uncomfortable. “Fine.” Came the clipped answer, so Thor knew he wasn’t allowed to push for more. Making a mental note to give the psychologist a call, he snaked his arm around Loki’s waist once more while they waited for their cab. Loki laid his head in the crook of Thor’s neck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter will have mentions of dissociative amnesia based on trauma. A pre-warning if you will. (amazed at all of you wonderful people still sticking with this story and sending me feedback.)


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not happy with this chapter but eh. (I don't really have a better excuse other than hopefully the next one will be longer and more in depth.

They got stuck in an inexplicable late night traffic and heavy rain came not long after, sound of it mixing with the blaring car horns creating a distant turbulent noise, cruelly resemblant of the turmoil that occupied Thor’s mind. He tried to block it out in desperation, the noise or the thoughts, he wasn’t sure he could discern one from another. In the back seat of the cab, Loki had stopped acting squeamish, ceasing squirming against Thor’s side. In fact he appeared to have ceased all and any acknowledgement of Thor’s presence next to him, curled up against the window. Possibly drowned out by his own thoughts, Thor surmised. He had the sudden urge to reach up and pull Loki close, to return them to the state they had been in minutes ago yet he stopped his hand mid-air as he saw Loki flinch slightly. It was as if he refused to be in close proximity to anyone once he was left to his own devices. Thor didn’t dare push further, not while they’re in a cab anyway. His hand hung there for a couple of seconds which Thor could only describe as painfully awkward, before retreating to rake through his tangled hair. The rest of the ride indicated quiescence, so he spent the entire drive back watching Loki out of the corner of his eye; Loki easing from twitching slightly to relaxing incrementally in his seat, his breath leaving foggy imprints against the window.

Thor released a pent up huff of air he didn’t realize he was holding once he locked the door behind them, and walked towards the kitchen, discarding his keys and coat as he did so. His limbs moved on their own accord, his movements entirely automated as he reached for the top shelf where he kept all his liquor, pouring himself a generous amount of whiskey before downing all the contains of the tumbler in one go. He hissed slightly as he felt the liquid trailed down his throat, leaving a much welcomed burn in its wake. His mind buzzed lightly and he stood there motionless for an indefinite amount of time leaning against the countertop. “Now what ?” A ragged voice broke into the misty haze clouding around and startled him out of his trance, as Loki spoke for the first time since they’d left the hospital. Thor turned around to respond, yet when he opened his mouth, he found no words forming either in his head or mouth, so he closed it shut. He poured himself another generous glass of amber liquid without bothering to offer Loki the same curtesy. He took a sip, and turned the words over in his head. It was the million dollar question, the one that Thor had asked himself over and over. ‘ _Because you’re my brother. Because we’re family. Because you don’t deserve this. Because I feel guilty. Because I’m drunk._ ’ The excuses piled up in his head, each one growing rapidly losing significance. Instead he opted for the easy way out, “You could take the bed for the night.” gesturing towards his bedroom. Averting what proved itself to be convoluting was not in his inherent nature, yet he had learned it the hard way that sometimes it was simply easier to give in and let things run their course the way they were intended to. Loki scrutinized him with a quizzical expression, something fleeting passing across his gaze that looked too familiar, like the Loki Thor used to know. Thor opened his mouth once again and the expression was gone in a flicker, leaving his brother the the blank shell of a memory. 

“You do realize I have to leave at some point ?” Loki inquired tentative of his reaction, still not stepping into his flat standing in the doorway. It hurt Thor that Loki still appeared to hesitant, as if Thor was to snap at any given point, like Thor was bound to hurt him in the end. ‘ _You have before_ ’ a bitter voice reminded him. Thor took a deep breath while assessing the situation as much as his liquor addled mind would let him. There was no way on earth or in hell he would let Loki back out in the streets after the night they’d been through, however there was little he could actually say to persuade Loki to stay for the night without resulting to physical strength, and that was sure to trigger another panic attack. No, brute show of strength was the last thing Loki needed. 

“We’ll figure it out tomorrow, you can leave in the morning if you want to.” The unspoken _”Over my dead body”_ remained unvoiced in his tone. Thor figured his best option was to tread the waters carefully with Loki jumping out at his own shadow. The remnants of the fight that Loki was holding seemed to vanish with that, and he padded over to Thor’s bedroom, turning over his shoulder before stepping in. “Mind if I use your shower ?” He looked like he was fourteen again, all doe eyed and raised eyebrows. “Yeah, sure, whatever you need. Don’t need to ask.” He managed, hoping he didn’t sound as intrusive as he felt as he took in the sight of Loki profoundly. Loki didn’t show a sign of discomfort even if he did feel it, and Thor was left alone once Loki disappeared behind his bedroom door. 

He sighed and downed the remainder of his glass once more, repeating the mechanical motion. Once he was satisfied with the abundant amount of liquor in his tumbler, he settled himself on the couch, retrieving his laptop from the coffee table. He willed the trembling of his fingers away as he typed ‘memory loss’ into google.

***  
 _  
“Is your brother…” One of their friends had asked, the rest of the question remained unsaid. It had always been there yet unvoiced, even his own friends had mentioned it in a veiled attempt._

_“Is my brother what ?” Thor had always been naive when they were growing up, oblivious to countless taunts and jabs Loki had been objected to, assuming his brother could always counter what was dealt his way with equal ferocity._

_“You know…” The boy had said. The kids privy to the conversation giggled and Thor had felt and inexplicable burn to defend his brother._

_“What are you talking on about ?” Thor had started to become more and more aggravated._

_“Fruitcake ?”_

_It had been the first time Thor had punched someone square in the jaw. The guy fell on his rump with tears steaming down his cheeks as soon as Thor had punched him and Thor hadn’t found it in his heart to feel remotely sorry for his actions, regardless of the repercussions he would face without a doubt. They were both taken to the principal’s office, both families informed on their situation._

_“Please explain yourself Thor.” Frigga had prompted, standing before the president, ever so serene and graceful, even in the face of such discomfort. Thor had tried his best, heatedly explaining how the guy had offended his brother, and how the entire thing had turned into an inevitable brawl. Frigga hadn’t commented further in the presence of their principal, not daring to compromise Thor’s position, and the entire thing had resulted in both of them getting a two week suspension, drawing a lot of muffled protests from Thor and his counterpart._

_Once he was at home, Thor had already braced himself for the yelling from Odin he’d been bound to receive which he’d taken in stride, before he’d tiptoed to Loki’s room, knocking politely, because his brother hated being jumped upon. He’d heard a faint “It’s open” Loki had responded meekly and that had been all Thor needed. He’d barged into Loki’s room, only to have find his brother huddled in blankets against his bedpost with red rimmed eyes._

_“Loki, what,” He’s uttered confused. Had Loki been crying ?_

_“I know why you got into trouble…” Loki had muttered, not meeting his gaze._

_“Just because some asshole dared to !” Thor had started, before Loki’s hitch of breath had stopped him._

_“What, brother.” He’d sounded so fragile, so akin to shattering to a million pieces, that Thor had to stop his grand defense he’d prepared prehand._

_“Brother ?” He’d prompted softly._

_“Just leave Thor.” Loki had looked contempt while muttering, his gaze still downcast, which had prompted Thor to move further towards Loki, seating himself at the edge of his bedding._

_“Loki ? Baby brother ?” It had always been the cheapest shot between them, referring to the family ties. Loki had flushed beet red, his eyes welling up with unshed tears._

_“Please.”_

_Thor had paid no heed to Loki’s wailing, moving himself closer to Loki on his bed, until he was comfortably spooning Loki; his arms wrapping around his waist and thei legs tangling around the ankles._

_“It’s okay brother, if you are.” Thor had whispered into the shell of Loki’s ear. Loki had remained silent and rigid against his frame._

_“Are you ?” Thor had whispered, not really expecting an answer, startling when he received one._

_“I am.”_

_Loki had sounded so pitiful, so innocuous, that he hadn’t even realized that he didn’t need to have pretended for Thor’s sake. There had been a pause, where only breaths mingled and moonlight had shone through the crack of their window. Thor had hugged his brother all the closer once he’d confessed, in a poor attempt of comfort._

__

 

*** 

 

Countless results came up as expected breaking him out of his reverie, yet one spoke to his interest. ‘Temporary Memory Loss’ it said. Thor clicked the link with trembling fingers, making sure to take another long pull from his drink. He took his time skimming through the articles, some were far too medical for him to comprehend, but after half an hour of drunk stumbling on various medical entries, he finally felt as if he got the general gist of it. ‘ _Dissociative Amnesia_ ’. All the articles summed up what went unmentioned in Loki’s past, ‘blocking out passages of time due to traumatic events.’. However none of them assured him that the patient was to regain his memory entirely, and Thor suddenly found sordid resentment bubbling in his gut. There was a fragment of possibility that Loki would never remember their memories the way Thor did, would never remember Thor as he did Loki; Thor who hadn’t had a single day pass without his thoughts being tainted by remnants of Loki’s memories, without guilt chipping away at his conscience. He downed the rest of his drink and suddenly he found himself befuddled by his surroundings. His glass remained empty on the table, some obscure entry on disorders blinked at him from his monitor, and Thor felt all-consumed by the events that surrounded him. With what was left of his drooping mind, he made a mental note to look into the psychologist Bruce mentioned earlier, slightly more convinced that Loki would indeed need a psychological advisor if they were to get through this. He almost stumbled towards his bedroom in a familiar stupor, before remembering he already had an occupant there. He slumped on the couch without a change of clothes and let himself drift to the comforting unconsciousness of sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just to say, I love not-a-bitch!Sif, so just a slight warning, she will remain throughout the story as a crutch. And, it gets icky. I don't know how else to give trigger warnings.So, warning: it gets icky. (huge thanks to everyone still following)

Thor didn’t even get the luxury of a much expected hangover as his alcohol induced passing out was interrupted by a piercing scream that came from his very own bedroom. He bolted up instantly, a mistake unforeseen on his part, he figured as a jolt of pain flared through his skull feeling akin to someone actually stabbing him in the back of his head with a shiv. He blinked ardently, forcing his surroundings to swarm into his vision as trepidation settled over him. Once he trusted himself to rouse from what he’d gathered to be his couch, he let reverberating echoes of shrill screaming giving way to low moans guide him to the source. It was still raining from what he could fathom, raindrops drumming faintly to their own beat against the windows, winter breeze whistling through the tiny crack in his window by the nightstand, a burgeoning draft sweeping throughout his flat, seeping into the depths of skin, sobering him faster than the constant moaning that had somewhat transformed into soft wailing. It felt like harmony contiguous to chaos, and amidst of it all lay Loki, writhing against the sheets, long, bony fingers visible through the moonlit room, clutching the bedspread so hard attempting to tear the fabric. Thor’s following movements were born out of gut instinct and he was on the bed next to Loki within seconds, grabbing him by the shoulders to pin his trembling body down. Loki’s body was convulsing profusely and it felt like ice melting under his touch; numbingly cold with a sheen of sweat under his palms. Thor faintly recalled Bruce telling him about potential withdrawal symptoms, of cold sweat and bone crushing pain that Loki would be inclined to encounter, ranging on his dependance on opiates. Thor had just nodded, filing the information away not paying it much mind. He hadn’t know the extend of which he would need to deal with, having no other experiences with drug addicts. Loki seemed to cease his wailing since after Thor had managed to pin him down with sheer physical force, for the lack of a more reasonable stratagem. Loki’s hands shot up to grasp at his biceps, squeezing lightly before his grip turned near painful, digging his nails into Thor’s flesh. 

“It burns” Loki’s voice came out hoarse, miles from the velvet purr Thor had been accustomed to. “What ?” Thor uttered in susurration, at a loss of words, apprehension prickling hot beneath his skin. “It _hurts_ ,” Loki looked at him with such pleading eyes and Thor could tell that much, yet he hated himself all the same for being so useless, unable to ease Loki’s pain. “Tell- tell me where it hurts.” He murmured, descending slowly on Loki, letting his lips graze against the shell of his ear, not really having been granted a wide expanse of movement, with Loki’s hands still gripping at his flesh like talons. “Everywhere, _inside_ my bones,” his words mutated into another whimper as he clutched onto Thor. Thor unlatched his right hand from Loki’s shoulder with difficulty to wipe at the tears that had been flowing freely down his cheeks, and Loki seemed to calm down for a minute before trashing again, his breath heaving and his free arm pushing against Thor’s chest in futile attempt. “I think -no- let me go,” Loki’s trashing grew more aggravated before he went impossibly still under Thor’s grip, his gaze dropping form Thor’s, he squeezed his eyes shut, his grip left Thor’s forearms and started tugging on the blanket that covered his lower half slightly. A faint blush flushed his cheeks and the tips of his ears and it took Thor a moment to realize what happened. “Please don’t,” Loki begged in a desperate manner, still fumbling with the blanket. Loki had soiled the bed, and was trying to cover it up in vain. Thor spent about two seconds setting his thoughts straight; that he was dealing with a drug addict who was going through rough withdrawal symptoms, someone who once used to take extreme pride in his state of appearance. He huffed a smile while still holding Loki down with his left hand, not quite trusting Loki’s resulting reaction. “It’s okay, shh, don’t worry, let’s get this cleaned up.” He said, helping Loki out of his own mess. Loki still kept his glance downwards, not meeting Thor’s as he mumbled “It usually doesn’t happen, I just need-“ Thor could envision the rest of the sentence - _You don’t_ need _heroin_ \- he wanted to say, so he cut in before Loki could finish. “It _is_ okay if it happens. You don’t need to worry. It’s just side effects.” _Of heroin_ went unsaid. Loki nodded his ascent, still not meeting Thor’s gaze while being dragged into the bathroom. Thor made quick work of drawing a bath, carefully submerging Loki into warm water. Loki seemed to relax once he had comfortably settled in the bathtub, scrubbing at himself while Thor carefully sat on the edge of the bathtub right next to him, tentatively running his fingers through Loki’s hair, feeling the answering shiver down Loki’s spine. They spent a few minutes like that; Loki scrubbing furiously at his quickly pinkening flesh, where Thor let him, running his hands through Loki’s softening locks over and over again. He gripped Loki’s wrist once it threatened to scrub the same spot for what its seemed like the thousandth time, his pale flesh glistening in an angry hue of red. “Enough,” he said and Loki stopped dead in his tracks, like a child caught with his fingers dipped in the cookie jar. All doe eyed and innocent. Thor carefully took the cloth from his hands and laid it aside; Loki showed little resistance. They spent some time, while Loki’s hands laid idly against his sides, at a loss, as Thor kept playing with Loki’s hair, curling soft strands between his fingers. Thor hadn’t forgotten what Loki did for a living, how he was probably accustomed to the touch of other people. It sparked an unreasonable kindle deep within his gut, even when Loki leaned into his touch, all well malleable and docile. Yet the simple act of running his hands through Loki’s hair felt more private than anything he had done with Loki, and more private than anything Loki could have done with his suitors. There was a soft humming, and it took him a while to realize that it was coming from Loki. Thor stood there as long as it took and once he was comfortable enough to ensure that Loki wouldn’t attempt to hurt himself, he padded back to his bedroom, making quick work of discarding the soiled sheets and laying out clean ones. He was just about done, aimlessly fluffing up the pillows when he heard a strange noise coming from the bathroom. Panic reeled his mind as he barged into his bathroom, expecting the worst, whatever that might be, given their situation, only to find Loki out of the tub, bent over the toilet seat retching his guts out. He rushed over to Loki’s slumped frame without a thought, tentatively reaching out to brush damp locks out of the way as Loki continued heaving his innards. 

It felt like a decade before Loki finally ceased writhing and stirring against the tiles of his bathroom. Thor toweled him hastily, scared as if he took his time, Loki would start seizing up again. He made sure to wipe the damp towel around the corners of his mouth to wipe at the drying bile, while Loki sagged in his grip like ragdoll. Once was satisfied that Loki was clean all over, he carried Loki to his bed, settling him against the clean sheets. His alarm clock stole his gaze for a flicker of second, reminding him it was almost past five am. Thor didn’t know how he was expected to show up at work in about three hours, where all he desperately wanted to do -needed to do- was to sleep for several decades, letting everything in his life run its course while he was deep in slumber. He wasn’t sure if he could endure Sif’s concerned gaze bordering on pity, Fandral’s raucous jabs or Volstagg’s expedient advice as harmless as they always were intended. He was just about contemplating calling in sick when Loki’s nimble fingers wormed their way around his wrist, feather light grip that jerked Thor to a halting stop in his motions regardless; Loki came before anything, revoking any sort of priority in his life. 

“Stay,” Loki’s voice sounded haggard and raspy -hours of retching and dry heaving will possibly do that to you- Thor thought. Loki also turned his gaze upon him, imploring deeply, green eyes boring into his, daring to speak the unspoken. However his expression also held a faint air of unprecedented desperation, something Loki wouldn’t have divulged years ago, the raw neediness etching into his voice afflicting Thor’s conscience. Thor didn’t have the heart to make Loki beg his way into having him stay, and it was so easy to just surrender to the softness of the sheets, to the gentle chill of Loki’s flesh after hours of holding him. ‘Just this once’ Thor told himself, knowing it to be a lie. A lie woven well nonetheless, convenient enough for him to believe in at the moment. He didn’t respond to Loki’s plea with words but instead with his actions, slowly unlatching Loki’s grip from his wrist and crawling into his bed besides Loki, fitting himself against the shell of his brother’s back before slipping an arm under his waist, bringing his hands to entwine his fingers with Loki’s, drawing both of their hands against Loki’s chest; the thrum of his heartbeat serving as a catalyst for them both, lulling them to a dreamless slumber.

***

When Thor woke up again, it was already midday, and thankfully it wasn’t due to shrill screams or painful moans, but the sunlight shining through the slightly parted curtains, filling up the tiny room in its glow. His right arm was cramping, and when he tried to retrieve it, he found it to be still trapped under Loki’s warm weight. He shifted his weight on his elbow to cast his gaze on Loki’s sleeping frame, savoring what fleeting moments he had of his fantasy. He indulged himself in the frame that presented itself before him; Loki curled up against him, tucked under the blankets, his fingers still gripping Thor’s. He looked utterly peaceful, shallow wrinkles etched into his forehead making him appear older than he was. There was a trail of drool dried against the pillowcase, trailing from Loki’s parted lips. Thor found it to be endearing. 

A pang of guilt twisted low in his gut then. It was often said that certain scents and sounds could trigger emotions. Against his own volition, his mind drifted off to harsh breaths Loki drew, the moans that had been of pain while his mind recalled them for they could have been; throes of pleasure, disregarding the situation. Was that the way Loki moaned in pretense when he spread his legs for a stranger when he was paid to do so ? ‘ _He’s your fucking brother_ ’ He squeezed his eyes shut, as if he could be able to squeeze the thoughts away if she just shut eyes tight enough. The instant the word ‘brother’ made its way into his mind, his thoughts drifted off to Frigga, the fact that he still hadn’t called her eating away at him. ‘What would you say ?’ a tiny voice admonished; ‘Hi mother, I’m pretty sure I’ve found Loki, but he doesn’t remember us, and he’s a drug addict. As well as a prostitute.’ He had to get Loki in somewhat of stable state, whether or not he ever regained his memories. Their mother had been devastated when Loki had disappeared and he didn’t want to alert her unless Loki was in a condition to meet remnants of his past. He wondered what they’d done to deserve this. Odin, maybe. Thor had no shorting of Odin’s faults when it came to parenting, even though he had been the favored son, he’d endured enough lectures of how he’d never prosper to his father’s legacy if he didn’t apply himself. Even though he’d been the favored son, which he recently had come into terms with, he still wasn’t comfortable with Odin’s means to dictate what could have been just as easily Loki’s as it was his. An empire, promising the heir with press coverage and private chauffeurs; nothing Thor really wanted or needed. He and his mother, on the other hand, had done nothing to receive _this_. ‘And what a spectacle of a brother you’ve been’ the voice supplied as Thor grimaced. He might not have been the best brother one could have been, but he truly hand’t realized his little jabs and jokes would get to Loki so thoroughly, none had meant to cause true harm. ‘Well you fucked that up gravely’ and Thor was done with his littler inner monologue, each accumulating argument against his own conscience felling himself. 

He carefully pried his arm off of Loki’s grip, and made a reach for his mobile that had been set aside on his nightstand. Four missed calls and three text messages. He held back a groan as he slid his thumb across the touchscreen. Missed calls were all from Sif, predictably enough. He didn’t bother with the texts, getting out of bed while making sure he didn’t disturb Loki’s sleep. Loki had always been the one to sleep In late, not bothering to wake up until it was noon unless it had been a school day. Thor briefly recalled the saturdays where he’d have to drag Loki out of his bed, literally, as Loki came up with creative curse words. He absentmindedly redialed Sif’s number, his mind running through probable excuses. Coming up with a believable excuse had never been his forté, nor had he ever needed it to. Several moments passed by where he just stood listening to the dial tone before Sif answered his call. 

“Thor, where have you been ? Are you okay ? Do you need something ?” 

Thor swallowed a bitter chuckle. Leave it to Sif to worry over him before his work, to make sure he was in no immediate danger. It hurt Thor even more to know that his friends cared for his wellbeing, when he had no valid excuse he could offer, exposing Loki was out of the question, given how his colleagues looked upon him with pity whenever he mentioned his brother, as if he’d gone senile, chasing up the loose ends of a thread long lost to both.

“I’m fine, Sif, I just had a little more than I could handle the last night-“

“Really ? I thought partying wasn’t really your scene Odinson.” Sif’s tone was dreading on accusatory, laced with genuine concern. 

“It’s not,” Thor reassured, “It was a friend’s birthday. I’m sorry.” He lied. 

“If you say so.” Sif didn’t sound entirely convinced, but she seemed to drop the issue much to Thor’s comfort. 

“I could still come in-“ He winced as he checked the time, it was way past their lunch break, him coming in would be redundant at best at this point.

“Don’t bother, it’s fine. Tony’s in Shanghai anyway, and I doubt he would mind.” Sif confirmed his surmise. Thor could practically see her twirling a lock of hair between her hands, brows furrowed in apprehension. 

“You know what…” Thor held his breath before she continued. “Let’s meet up after work, the cafe down the street by your place ?” 

Thor’s mind simply ran out of excuses right then, despite the fact that he’d been furiously trying to come up with one, not wanting to leave Loki. They had met countless times in the said cafe; with clients to close up a deal, by themselves to just have a good time, and such as in this case, to discuss important things going on in their lives. It was the last thing Thor wanted to do, keeping Loki hidden felt like a primal need, a most carnal impulse. It should be easier Thor thought, he should be able to just lock Loki inside his bedroom and leave him there until he was back to take care of him, attend to his needs. ‘He’s not your house pet that you keep for your own entertainment.’ Thor repressed his inner voice of reason, and cleared his throat before replying. 

“I can’t make a promise, but I’ll try to meet you.” Before Sif could torment his already bleeding conscience, he added “I’m truly fine Sif, I’ll be at work tomorrow.” 

Reticence. 

“That’s fine… And, one of your clients demanded to get through to you. Bruce Banner.” Thor tried to feign disinterest as his heart started beating faster. 

“He didn’t leave a note, but it sounded urgent.” Sif went on as Thor preserved his silence. 

“I’ll get back to him.” His voice croaked slightly at the final syllable. 

“I’m sure you will.” With that, Sif hung up, and Thor was left alone once again. His mind was reeling, prioritizing his responsibilities swiftly; Bruce had tried to contact him, surely it would be about Loki, since he refused to leave a note. He pondered why Bruce hadn’t called his private line, and it dawned on him to check his text messages. As was expected, they were from Bruce, prompting Thor to meet him in person. Fear and anticipation bubbled in his gut. He dialed Banner’s cell, and thankfully Bruce picked it up in seconds. 

“Mr. Odinson,” Bruce’s tone held the calm demeanor that it always seemed to preserve, whether he was delivering a death sentence or merriment of a new life. 

“I’ve just read the text messages, is this about-“ He cut himself off before saying Loki. 

“Loki, yes. I wanted to inform you that his results will be coming in sooner than expected, tomorrow to be precise. Anytime tomorrow, you’ll be free to pick them up.” 

Thor swallowed around the lump forming in his throat. 

“Tomorrow ? Should I bring him with ?” 

“It’s up to you, but I would like to perform a brief check-up, nothing too vexing. Just about possible signs of side effects, ”

“He’s had them” Thor cut in, still accumulating the gruesome details of the previous night. 

“I see.” There was a brief pause where neither of them said anything. 

“I- thank you. I will bring him along.” Thor mumbled, not knowing what else to say. 

“I’ll be there to see you. Try to get some rest, Thor, sounds like you need it.” And with that the line went dead. _No kidding_ Thor thought. He hadn’t signed up for any of this, he’d always envisioned the reunion with his brother would be one to celebrate in festivity. He gave an exhausted sign and just plummeted down on the couch. He send a text to Sif to let her know that he would able to meet her later on, imploring to perhaps gain an outsider’s view on the entire situation, or at least the parcel of it he was willing to tell. Loki was still slobbering onto his pillow when he stepped back into his bedroom, carefully padding towards the bathroom. Loki probably did need his sleep, Thor didn’t even know when the last time he got to indulge in a tranquil night of rest. He took a quick shower and dressed without making much sound. He left a note by the nightstand for Loki, doubtful whether or not he would bother to read it. _’Out to meet a friend, will be back shortly’_. It seemed adequate enough. He let his gaze linger on Loki’s lithe frame a moment longer than necessary, taking in all the little details; how a locke of hair curled by the nape of his neck, how his fingers twitched against the thread of the blanket ever so slightly, and most importantly how serene he looked deep in slumber. 

***

_Loki had looked at him slightly odd, as if he’d grown a spear head. They’d been watching a horror movie, a one their parents had prohibited them to see. Thor had snuck out to retrieve the VCR after their parents finally fell asleep. Loki had made his way closer to Thor as the movie progressed, finally slotting himself against Thor, flinching whenever something spooked him, keeping his entire focus on the movie. Thor’s inept attention had been drifting, however to other things. Things such as Loki fitting so well against his bulkier frame; Loki’s soft gasps on his shoulder, hands clutching against his sides when something momentarily scary had happened. No matter how hard Thor had tried to restrain his baser instincts, impulse had won over reason, so he’d pulled Loki closer and had sated his perverse lusts in breathing in the scent of Loki’s silky hair, where Loki had just snuggled closer to him, cluelessly trusting his big brother to comfort him. They had spent many a night like this, where Loki had been slavering on Thor’s shoulder by the end of the movie, leaving Thor to just admire his little brother with a wishful gaze lingering behind his hard gaze._

***

Sif was already seated when he arrived, sipping her coffee. If she was angry or upset, she did not let it through her expression; a combination of genuine concern, the one Thor felt in her voice without needing to see her assertion of it. 

“You want to tell me what’s going on Thor ?” She inquired once he settled and placed his order. Thor felt as if he was in a horror movie where the protagonist was trapped in a single day of detriment, reliving it over and over again. He had no answers, nothing he could say without endangering Loki, or without sounding insane. 

“I’ve met someone.” _’Half truths will always save your ass’_ One of many wisdoms of Loki he had exchanged with Thor when he asked why Loki lied so often to get his way. 

“Okay, that’s good news…and ?” Sif prompted. 

“He’s a bit more problematic than I’m used to” he tried not to wince. 

“Problematic how ?” When Thor kept his silence, she went on. “Look Thor, I don’t mean to pry in on your personal life, but I,” she placed her hand on his, “I’ll be frank, I’m worried about you. It’s not like you to not show up at work, to dismiss colleagues- don’t-“ she said when Thor opened his mouth to argue. 

“Is this about your brother again ?” She asked bluntly. He could’ve lied, he could’ve said a billion things, ‘no’ being the most prominent choice, yet when he opened his mouth nothing formed. His cheeks felt damp and before he knew it, he broke down and told the entire enterprise he had it as his hands. He spilled on how he had to pry Loki out of the deepest pit, how he’d fallen and how deep the need to take care of him ran. Tears welled up and fell down his cheeks the entire time. 

“ _Oh_ , Thor,” Sif took his hand within her’s, and forced him to meet her gaze. 

“Look at me, _you_ are allowed to take an unprecedented take of leave, Tony would understand, given the situation you’re in-“ 

“I don’t want this to get out. Not to Tony, to anyone really.” He said uneasily. 

“I won’t tell Thor, you know I won’t, but you need to deal with this. Just take a break from work, undisclosed reasons are not unheard of you know. I’m sure no one would push.” 

“Maybe Volstagg, losing his gourmet buddy,” she punched him lightly on the shoulder and Thor felt even more grateful for having her presence in his life. 

“He would get disappointed,” He countered, falling into familiar banter. 

When he returned to his flat, he didn’t expect to find what he did. Loki was seated on the couch, looking at him with imploring eyes.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I am extremely sorry for the late update, I had to take extra shifts during work, etc. Nevertheless; Bruce has a heart to heart with Thor, and more importantly Loki's POV for the first time.

A whole week. _Exactly seven days_ had passed since Loki had somewhat sorted himself in Thor’s tiny flat, not that he owned much valuable possessions prior to his current living situation. He still remembered the damned night Thor came back after leaving Loki alone in his house; which had been confusing to him in the first place, none of his clients left him until they were done for the night, which rarely happened in the vicinity of their own homes anyway. Dimly lit street corners and back alleyways were Loki’s standard spots, and even if he got a lucky break every once in a while for someone to actually introduce him to their bedroom, Loki never saw the light of the morn before he was back out in the streets, stuffing the wad of one dollar bills into his back pocket. He had been crying for quite some time before Thor was back, he couldn’t recall what had set him off, might have been a fading bruise on his thigh or how he couldn’t untangle a knot in his hair; Thor had walked in and Loki had shot his gaze directly at Thor, startled like a deer caught in headlights. A lot of yelling and screaming had ensued on his place, while Thor showed visible strain on his part. Loki still didn’t know what had transpired between them that night or how he came to lashing out in such detonation where Thor stood there frozen solid as Loki went on screaming in half gibberish. It had ended with Loki lamenting and bawling into Thor’s chest, his shoulders trembling with the force of his high pitched sobs while Thor held onto him with his iron-like grip, shushing him and whispering softly into Loki’s ear, his stubble tickling Loki’s sensitive skin, until Loki finally passed out against Thor’s sturdy frame that exuded warmth, drained from crying and mental exhaustion. That, had been exactly a week ago; Loki knew because that was one of the things he did not dare to let go, fearing that if he did he would go thoroughly insane. He kept a little calendar of his own, something personal for him to hold on to. It had been a habit that stuck with him throughout the years as he chipped away at the days, crossing out date after date, days marked with bleeding red if he had clients, others just crossed away dully with a blunt pencil. He slid the piece of paper into his pocket after X’ing out another day, slumping on Thor’s couch desperately wishing for something to get his mind off of the fluttering yearning that burned deep within his chest. A couple more hours left to his own devices, he would be back out on the streets frantic for a bag of gear. It clawed at his insides, as he willed down the tremble of his hands, impetuously wrapping his arms around his chest, tucking his hands under his armpits. His eyed the worn out clock that was in Thor’s apartment for some reason, appearing at least a couple decades old. Loki stared at it viciously as if they were in combat, the ticking away daring him to do something impulsive. He briefly wondered if he could acquire some cash in exchange for it at an antique shop. His thoughts drifted from debt money to Thor rapidly as the clock ticked once more.

Right, _Thor._ He thought to himself. Thor had been discernible from the start, taking Loki into his home like he belonged there all the while supporting a nervous and hesitant demeanor bordering on shyness. Then there was the issue regarding medical care, which Loki still had no means of payment for. The only source of payment he substituted for money had been to spread his legs and let strangers he owed invade his body. His well practiced strategy had backfired on Thor immensely, resulting in Thor seemingly growing even more uncomfortable and prompting him to end his charade. Loki had dealt with similar clients in his past, when he was but a babe in the business, still had clients lining up for him. He had been about seventeen or so during the time; who knew people had a thing for barely legal jailbait. His clients had varied from high end businessman who sought a night of easy release, slipping under the gaze of their trophy wives, to eligible bachelors who wanted a taste of what they would be missing once they were wedded properly. Thor fit the profile well enough, wealthy, undoubtedly straight with a hint of curiosity, and stupid enough to escort Loki into his house. Even the businessmen who sought him weren’t careless enough to take him home. Thor however, not only had taken him in, but even allowed Loki to use his bathroom, gave provided him with a clean set of clothes for wear, and kept up his strangely shy act whenever Loki was in his presence. He would have flushed crimson at the memories of the week he’d spent at Thor’s house if conjure up the remnants of his pride; how he’d attended to Loki’s most embarrassing needs, not making a big fuss -he would have been booted on his back if his body had pulled anything like that- patiently taking care of him, even when he had been shitting his bed and vomiting into his toilet simultaneously -withdrawals had never been easy on Loki, he had gone through enough to know his body’s response by now. He usually had to endure them by himself until he got his next fix- and having someone standing by him however unhelpful and panicked was a nice change for once. He had been internally thankful for the company even if he failed to voice it out loud, having someone hold his hair back as he retched while rubbing smoothing circles on his back had been comforting, yet he knew he couldn’t afford to get used to this, the feeling of comfort and letting go of his reigns, despite how far he had allowed himself to indulge in Thor’s warmth already. 

The main issue he did not dare to breach remained rooted in his thoughts. Thor, calling him _brother_. Even thinking about it gave Loki severe headaches that had him reaching for a nonexistent gear on the coffee table. A brother, it sounded absurd to his ears, Loki had no family besides the one he’d made himself on the streets. Much less a brother. A so said brother whom he spread his legs for, laid in nude before him. Loki let out a hard bark of laughter to himself upon entertaining the idea further. He knew his family well enough, none of them would have been so kind to even blush; a handler who cut him some slack when he was going through withdrawals was his definition of a family, someone like _Thor_ being a part of it felt ridiculous, even dirty. Given the range of clients he had, Loki still couldn’t fit Thor with all the rich ones he’s given a blowjob in a limo. As far as he was concerned, his history started writing itself from when he first started spreading his legs for people, anything before that, he had been comfortable to draw a blank. He had tried, once upon a time, to implore memories of his past, of what Loki was before he became a pretty plaything on the streets, but it had all proven to be too painful for him to cope, leading him to simultaneously double his drug intake then his clients, working himself to the brim of over exhaustion, so he gave upon it after a while. As long as he didn’t try to remember what had been of him, he could make-do, rewriting his past, no matter how jagged it had been. As far as Loki was concerned, his past remained a clean slate, a blank page where he chose to handpick memories and events, rewriting his past as he deemed fit. He could have been a fucking prince for all he cared, it didn’t matter anyway, not really. Not when his real story began after he had fallen into his withering ways of survival. 

 

The first couple years in his particular line of work had been fuddled in a misty haze, both regarding pleasure and his exclusive memory; all Loki cared for back then were shiny pretty things that he could cash in for an ounce of weed; most of his clients liked to see him in shining trinkets anyway, be it gifted upon a part of a fantasy or for paid as a part of his payment, and the pleasure of being fucked. He had no qualms about being put on his belly, or have his legs hooked on a stranger’s shoulders for the night, bending himself in half as they took their sweet time preparing him and made sure he had a good time in return. He tried to grasp the exact moment, the peak of his inevitable downfall and it all came back throbbing, shooting a jolt of pain through his skull as he tried his hardest to remember, snorting coke off someone’s six pack, shooting heroin at an after party with a couple of groupies, arguments growing heated as someone backhanded him across the face, supporting more and more bruises as days went by, his clientele slipping, finding himself needing something stronger than the buzz of cocaine, lowering his price as the line in front of him diffused, turning to heroin and needles for solace. He pinched the bridge of his nose and rubbed his temples gently to soothe the pain away. It was a lot to take in and before now, Loki really hadn’t had a time to truly sit and reconcile with his past, reminiscing empty memories. He would surely be out on the streets soon enough, his handle looking out for him once again, and he would be bent over some car, hoping he would get proper payment.He had been thinking about how his pimp would react upon his inevitable return when he heard the keys rattle in the lock. He jumped to his feet as if he’d been jolted, and soon enough Thor was stepping through the doorstep, once again looking uneasy. He shifted from one foot to the next, hands fumbling with the keys before he dropped them into the bowl by the hall. 

“I’ve been to Bruce’s,” Thor said guiltily. - _Ah,_ so this was what it was about then. Another medical test for Loki then- But then Thor continued, 

“He thinks it’s fit for you to see Natasha now. She is the, uh, the psychologist. Or the psychiatrist, I don’t know-,” Thor inhaled and stared back into Loki’s eyes, expecting to coax some form of reaction out of him. The talk of psychological help had come up during his weekly stay, more than Loki cared for. He didn’t have any qualms except he didn’t want a stranger attempting to reveal his most guarded secrets and his blanked out past. What was there to talk about anyway, the only knowledge Loki could give upfront would be on positioning himself so their partner could experience the utmost pleasure. Thor however, had been unyielding in his conquest to have Loki talk to a shrink, thinking he was subtle in his attempts to bring It up in every conversation they’d shared. The problem was, Loki was on a roller coaster of emotions, feeling angry and paranoid and guilty all at once. 

“Bruce, the one who took four tubes of blood until he deemed it enough. What did you talk about ?” Loki asked. He wasn’t really curious about what Bruce had said, but any outlet he could take to change subjects, he would take. 

It took a couple more minutes before Thor was pouring himself a drink, carefully avoiding to offer Loki anything, and settling down on the couch next to Loki, unravelling the gist of the conversation. 

***

Thor walked into Bruce’s office with hesitation, relaxing once he took in the setting. As Bruce has promised, there was no one else in the room, and Bruce was calmly sitting behind his desk when Thor stepped in. 

“Mr. Odinson, Thor,” Bruce quickly recovered, “I’m glad to see you. Come, have a seat,” He gestured to the empty chairs that sat in front of his desk, “we have a lot to talk about.” Ever since Bruce had declared that Loki suffered no fatal illnesses, blood transmitted diseases or STDs, Thor had been reluctant to return Bruce’s calls, until he’d left a text message saying it was urgent. 

The words sent a shiver down Thor’s spine, but he took the offered seat flexing his shoulders as a reflex, an unconscious action he did whenever he felt under threat. Bruce made no mention of it even if he did notice Thor’s tense posture. 

“So it’s been almost a week where Loki’s been with you.” Thor gave a brief nod, still fearing what was to come. 

“And you’ve notified me of several withdrawal symptoms. He is going through a detox period, which could be lethal-“ Thor almost shot up from his seat to lunge back at his flat, to make sure Loki had not dropped dead, but Bruce made a flippant gesture with his hand, beckoning him to relax. 

“He wouldn’t die of withdrawal, but he needs treatment. “ He said calmly, where Thor’s blood was boiling. 

“What do you suggest ?” He managed to ask, still itching to go back to his flat to make sure Loki was there, still breathing and in one piece. 

“It’s up to you, actually” Bruce intoned, “There’s Methadone treatment, but we don’t suggest it as it tends to create co-dependancy on several occasions; however it is legal and would reduce the intensity of the seizures Loki’s due to get. Another option is Subutex replacement, but we would need to lower to dosage quite rapidly, if you want my medical opinion, Subutex is bullshit.” Bruce clasped his hands together while his gaze bore into Thor’s. 

“So, what do you suggest then, just leave him as he is ?! There needs to be something else, another treatment, besides these- these drugs you suggest-“ Before Thor realized, he had leaned onto Bruce’s desk in a threatening manner, before he composed himself, slumping back against his chair. 

“What would you have done ?” He asked in true despair. He had no knowledge of treatments, of drugs, and he’d sworn to himself that he would not let Loki down. Thankfully, Bruce composed his calm demeanor through Thor’s minor outburst. 

“As swindling as it is, I would go for Methadone. I can measure the dosage he needs to subdue to symptoms, and decrease it eventually. It’s the best he could get, given his credentials.” Thor opened his mouth to argue, ‘the best he could get due to his credentials’ didn’t sit right with him, because he would be damned if he could not pull the highest strings. 

“ _As an addict._ Really Thor, I know you’re dealing with my hospital’s finances and all, but I would be more comfortable if you had a little more faith in me.” 

Thor fell silent at that, slight blush creeping at his cheeks. Bruce really did want to help, disregarding his outcome in the process. Bruce just sighed in resignation. 

“Look, I’m not going to pretend to understand what you’re going through, but I’ve dealt with a lot of drug addicts in my past. This person- Loki,- uses heroin. The sooner you get your head wrapped around the fact, the easier it will become to face it. I know it’s hard and you probably don’t want to believe it, but this person is dependent on opiates. It’s a miracle he steered clear of Hep C., “ He grimaced at Thor’s abrupt stricken expression. 

“Does he smoke ? Tobacco, the regular stuff ? Intake of alcohol ? Anything to compensate ?” Bruce asked while Thor hung his head down in shame as he mumbled a vague “I don’t know.” 

“What was that ?” 

“I don’t know. Okay, I don’t know !” Thor was breathing rapidly as he realized he was gripping the armrests of the chair to the point where his knuckles turned white with pressure. “I offered him whiskey the first night, I don’t smoke so I doubt he’s been as well.” Bruce remained infuriatingly calm while Thor tried to control his frazzled nerves. 

“Calm down now, hey. The only reason I asked is patients with a drug addiction -specifically heroin,- tend to get cross addicted easily.” Upon the confused expression on Thor’s face, Bruce elaborated further. 

“Cross addiction could occur at any point as a coping mechanism. Especially if the individual has a case of addictive disorder -Thor I must really insist that you get Loki to see Natasha, just let her know that I sent you, I assure you, she would be more than willing to help.” 

Thor was rendered speechless for a couple of minutes, taking in everything Bruce had said. He thumbed the card Bruce had slipped in his pocket once he was in the parking lot. _Natasha Romanov_. He would gently broach the subject to Loki, seeing another professional couldn’t hurt at this point. 

“He will experience elated emotions for a while!” Bruce called behind his back. “Be patient !” Bruce’s voice drawled out eventually, as Thor made his way out of the hospital, his mind running a thousand miles a minute. Cross addiction had never been something he’d considered, and he felt the guilt bubble up in his chest as he remembered himself offering Loki a shot or two while he’d been sobbing into Thor’s shoulders. Swearing he would do right by Loki this once, he dialed Natasha’s number once he was out in the streets, scheduling and appointment on Loki’s behalf. 

***

“I will see her, if it would please you.” That was all Loki could offer to please Thor, seeing as to how Thor wasn’t willing to take him up on his usual payment, and he did look grateful once Loki had been compliant under his will in a way Loki was unfamiliar to. Thor had been careful not the press the subject on Loki and Loki didn’t blame him, even he couldn’t give reasoning to his alleviating emotions. He took Thor’s smile as a slight victory when he said he would indeed see Natasha upon the embarked date. Thor got creases on the edges of his eyes when he smiled, and a slight wrinkle on his forehead that Loki noted, making him appear older than his actual age. He didn’t know how or why or when this particular information could be useful to him, but he noted down how Thor’s brows formed a slight crease when he furrowed his brows anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As this is my first attempt at a multi-chaptered fic, I just want to really, really thank you to those of you who've been following and leaving comments and kudos, it really does mean a lot, thank you so much.


	10. Chapter 10

Thor’s blood boiled as he waited for Loki just outside of his own bedroom. Loki had agreed upon seeing Natasha after Thor brought it up countless times in a not-entirely-subtle manner, so Thor had scheduled an appointment which was approximately set for an hour from now. Loki said that he needed a shower and knowing how much Loki had a liking for showers ever since he’d been in Thor’s flat, Thor had no objections against it. Loki took showers all the time, before going to sleep, upon waking up, at random hours of the day. 

That was until Loki’s shower had taken more than half an hour, leaving Thor hesitating whether or not to barge in through the presumably locked door. Taking a deep breath and bracing himself towards a panic attack or a similar sort of crisis, Thor creaked open his bedroom door to let himself in. The bedroom remained seemingly unperturbed, sound of water running emanating from the shut bathroom door that was linked to his bedroom. _’He will experience elated emotions.’_ Bruce’s voice echoed strong in his head. He didn’t want to startle Loki in the midst of a shower -a place Loki found some possible sort of salvation, treating it as a haven according to Thor-, yet he couldn’t help himself to grow worried as time ticked by. Loki said he would be out in ten minutes. It had been thirty-five. So Thor took it upon himself to knock on his bathroom door; gently at first, urgent the next; hoping to coax some sort of response from Loki. When there was no answer in return, he forced the door, only finding it to be locked as he had guessed. He couldn’t remember the last time he used the key to his own private bathroom, let alone grant Loki the access to a key. Loki had somehow managed to lock himself into his own bathroom. Suddenly Thor’s mind was filled with possible scenarios of Loki inflicting harm on himself, suspense and fear making his pulse thrum under his skin. He rattled the doorknob a couple times and when it refused to give, he shouldered his way into the bathroom, the wooden door splintering open, creaking at the hinges as Thor flexed his muscles after ramming it in to the solid wood. He had been panting with the exertion he procured, and yet he was met with an unexpected scene before his eyes that made him forget the sudden jolt of pain ramming up his shoulder. 

Much to his relief, Loki didn’t seem to be in any expeditious state of danger, especially not one he inflicted on his own person. No, instead, Loki was sat on the floor of his bathtub; knees drawn to his chest, his arms cradling his legs as the shower sprinkled warm water over his frame. Loki’s gaze shot up at him, body tensing suddenly when he saw Thor at the entrance. Not wanting to startle him further than he had, Thor peeked his head into the shower, letting flickers of water wet his hair. 

“Loki,” he breathed, trying to control his voice in order not to panic Loki, yet seeking to gain his attention, while Loki seemed to relax by a fragment, tearing his gaze from Thor’s and lifting his face towards the stream and letting it soak his hair further. He tentatively moved closer until he was kneeling by the edge of the tub, his damned voice coming out wavery. 

“Loki,” he whispered once again, reaching with his hand and daring to run his fingers through Loki’s damp hair, and Loki acknowledged his presence once more; letting his eyes drift shut, leaning to his touch subconsciously like an overgrown cat. Thor felt unwarranted desire surging through himself as he kept raking his fingers through Loki’s hair a number of times, relishing in the softness of Loki’s hair. Once he realized what he was doing, he drew his hand as if he’d been scalded. The last thing Loki needed to deal with were his carnal desires that seemed to transpire whenever he dared to share an intimate moment with Loki. Then he let his gaze drop down to the tiny swollen welts against Loki’s wrists for the first time. They were quite different from the purpling bruises of needles that painted innards of his elbows, and he had to swallow a sudden urge to vomit. He had cleared out his razors once he made certain that Loki was to stay with him -helpful advice from Bruce-, but the puffy skin left nothing to speculation. Thor wanted to kiss and mend every bit of angry, puffy expanse of skin making itself known against Loki’s wrists. He didn’t want to think about what could have dragged Loki so low that he would turn to inflict wounds upon himself. Feeling a rise of irrational anger, he let out a unpleasant grunt unintentionally; how dare Loki taint himself when Thor held him on a pedestal, wanting to reward each bit of skin that was exposed to his eyes. 

“I don’t want to,” Loki’s suddenly spoken words pulled him back from his perpetual reverie; 

“What don’t you want ?” Thor whispered not truly trusting his voice, despite sensing Loki’s obvious answer. 

“The shrink.” Loki grimaced, as if the words tasted bitter on his tongue. He brought his hand to wrap around Thor’s wrist, pulling his hand back to his scalp once again. “This feels so good.” He offered as an explanation, tilting his head towards Thor’s palm, prompting him to repeat the motion. So Thor started letting his fingers run through thick locks of black hair once again. For a simple, fleeting moment, the scene looked so peaceful, deviant from reality, Thor almost phoned up Natasha and cancelled their appointment in the instant, as if every problem they faced could be solved by Thor playing with Loki’s hair. 

Loki seemed to hum contently upon his ministrations, another first since he had been staying at Thor’s place. The impulse to cradle Loki up in his arms was so prodigious that Thor found himself pulling back from him and yanking his own shirt over his head, making quick work of his jeans and boxers and sliding in to the tub next to Loki, letting the sprinkle run over him and his chiseled bulk. He was suddenly aware of his own harsh breathing as their shoulders pressed against one another, and he willed himself to calm down, angling himself against the edge of the tub, letting his legs stretch through the length of it. His heel blocked the drain, letting warm water well up in the tub, tipping his head backwards against the edge, he reached out blindly for Loki, who seemed to catch up, sliding next to Thor, resting his head against the juncture where his neck met his shoulder, slotting himself against Thor. 

***

_Frigga was sighing in exasperation as Loki scowled and crossed his arms across his chest.  
“But why-“ he asked petulantly, where Thor seemed to be far more invested in the floating toy ship in the bathtub. _

_“You’re both growing,” Frigga explained with fondness that veiled her tiredness. “You hardly fit in the tub anymore !” Loki kept scowling while Thor shouted something about the captain of the ship, splashing even more water upon the walls, before finally focusing his attention to his brother, yanking him back towards himself with a strong grip against his waist. Loki just yelped before he was fully submerged in bathwater._

_“Attack !” Thor’s screams filled out the room when Loki surfaced gulping in a fresh breath of air, his cheeks turning pink._

_Frigga smiled at them both, “What am I to do with you lot,” she muttered._

***

Showing up for the appointment was no longer an option and Thor cursed himself for letting his baser instincts get the best of him, but none of it mattered since he had Loki. _’Cut yourself some slack, Thor.’_ words of wisdom from none other than Frigga rung in his ears as he allowed himself the simple pleasure of holding Loki in the same position he had for many years as water sloshed around their knees. Thor had never been to one to cut himself some slack, whenever he attempted to do something, he fully committed to it until he met his goal. It had been that way ever since he could remember, he was built to conquer, to win. 

He felt Loki’s soft sigh on his jugular against his neck and tried very hard to simply pass it by. Loki had somehow managed to nuzzle him; his nose buried in Thor’s neck, thin lips pressing against him. He wound his arm around Loki’s shoulder, running his fingertips against Loki’s elbow before drawing him closer, feeling bones beneath the soft skin, warmed by the perspiring drizzle of water. He felt Loki place a damp kiss right next to his Adam’s apple, making him tense slightly, detectable desire twining with restrained conscious surging through him. Before he could sort his emotions, Loki’s sinuous hand was trailing down a path through the strained muscle of Thor’s stomach, feather light grazes followed by deft fingers wrapped around his cock and squeezed, making Thor yelp and wrenching Loki’s hand away from the one place where he wanted it the most. 

“ _Jesus, Loki,_ ” 

“What ?” Loki was also slightly panting now, his wrist twitching in Thor’s steel grip, yet his features portrayed an expression of pure innocence; his lips parting slightly and pupils blown wide were the only features betraying his demeanor. 

“You can’t just-“ Thor’s voice still came out in harsh breaths despite his spark of annoyance, his body had an entirely different response to Loki’s executions, growing half hard despite his sudden anger. He realized he was indeed hurting Loki with his grip on Loki’s wrist, so he relaxed his grip.

Loki rubbed his wrist with his free hand once he managed to yank it free, nimble fingers brushing scars, supporting a hurt expression that pierced Thor deeply. He wasn’t meeting Thor’s gaze when he spoke once again, dark lashes fluttering against high cheekbones. 

“I can pleasure you…” Loki mumbled his gaze steeled in on Thor’s lap, where Thor erection was flagging rapidly, much to his thanks. 

“You don’t need to, Loki,” he exhaled exasperated, Thor wasn’t gullible enough to believe years of damage could be fixed within a week, but it still worried him that Loki fell into a pattern where he thought he needed to please Thor.

“I want you to feel safe with me, there’s no need for you to pleasure me.” Loki still looked doubtful so he continued, “I’m not going to let you back out on the streets, your boss-“ Thor placed his index finger on Loki’s lips as he attempted to reply, silencing him. “Your boss, or anyone else,” Thor added for good measure, “can come and get you here. I won’t let them. I’ve mourned your loss once brother, twice would not do.” With that, he let his hand slip from Loki’s lips to cusp the back of his neck, bringing their foreheads together as once they had been, even if it did not mean the same gesture it once had been to Loki, Thor allowed himself to indulge just this once, pretending they were brothers once again, as if Loki felt the same sentiment. Loki had been breathing sharply during Thor’s speech, allowing himself to be brought closer to Thor, relaxing in his grip. 

“ _Brother ?_ ” it was an honest question, not an acknowledgement, yet Thor soaked it up all the same. 

“Brother” He echoed with a genuine smile, placing a kiss on the side of Loki’s parted lips. He wanted more, so much more, yet his own words proved an obstacle. _’Brother. Offer him comfort-‘_ so he did. He enclosed Loki once again, drawing his slight frame against his own until their fingertips and toes became wrinkled under water, his mouth betraying him, placing soft kisses on Loki’s hair, once again inhaling the slight scent of apples within Loki’s dark locks. 

“Am I supposed to remember you ?” Loki spoke softly against his neck, having made himself comfortable against Thor once more. 

“I don’t know,” Thor answered genuinely. “I don’t know what you remember, and what has been missing from your memories, but I will do my best to make sure that you do.” He smiled and laid another kiss on Loki’s temple, it might have been the tenth or the fiftieth during the night, Thor didn’t keep count. 

“You _are_ my brother, even if memory serves you falsely.” Thor kissed him on the side of Loki’s lips. 

“You’re silly.” Loki whispered, as if his own voice would shake if he dared to speak further. Thor drew back slightly and brought his hand up to grasp Loki’s chin between his thumb and forefinger, tilting it upwards to meet his gaze. 

“Why ?” 

When Loki finally brought up his gaze linger on Thor’s, his eyes remained piercing as ever, almost causing his fragile air drop completely. 

“Brother, really ?” Loki asked, his lips so close against Thor’s that it was simply brushing against, and Thor suddenly became aware of Loki’s hands, gripping onto him. “Do brothers feel as such then ?” Loki whispered before leaning in to place a kiss to Thor’s lips, and it took a moment for Thor to register what was happening, Loki’s tongue sliding past through his lips, blunt nails digging into his biceps, and it would be so easy, so convenient for him to give in to the impulse, to kiss Loki back, to own and to claim. Yet, it wasn’t the time, Loki was not himself, and if he was to have Loki, his brother, this was not the right step. So he kept his mouth rigid against Loki’s explorations and drew back once Loki realized he wasn’t reciprocating. 

“You intend to keep me,” Loki whispered in a low tone as he pulled back, as if he was just coming in terms with the conclusion. The familiar spark that glimmered in Loki’s eyes, even though briefly, spurred on the sliver of hope Thor held. 

“That, I do.” Thor grinned when Loki looked flustered, charming blush spreading on his neck and the tips of his ears. 

***

“I hate the mall,” Thor offered, once they were out of the bath and lounging on the couch, appointment with Natasha long forgotten. Loki just nodded, picking on a threat of loose string on the hem of his oversized shirt lent to him by Thor, which just proved that they needed to go shopping. 

“Come on.” Thor signed picking himself up from the couch, prompting Loki to do the same. “There’s a shop nearby, we need to get you clothes.” 

Loki complied, clad in Thor’s old sweatpants that were sliding down his hips with each movement, and the loose shirts that desperately tried to clung around his shoulders. 

The shopkeeper didn’t question a single thing when Thor and Loki walked in to the shop, Loki looking like a homeless junkie with Thor escorting him. Browsing through clothes they picked a couple things for Loki to try on. Black jeans and white t-shirts seemed to struck a cord with Loki, as he seemed to be interested in nothing else, eyeing the button up shirts Thor displayed with poorly veiled disgust in his eyes. 

“It would look good on you,” Thor mumbled as he hanged yet another button-up shirt on the hanger. 

“It would, over my dead body.” Loki smiled charmingly, as he added another white shirt upon the pile of clothes. 

In the end, Loki picked three jeans that were identical to Thor, accompanied by four t-shirts. Once Loki changed back to his former clothes, Loki walked towards the exit, leaving back the pile of clothes. 

“Loki,” Thor called after him, under the scrutinizing glare of the shopkeeper. “We need to pay for the stuff,” 

“With what ?” Thor could feel the tensing gaze upon them, yet he did his best to keep a calm demeanor and to avoid making a scene. 

“It’s on me this time.” He winked at Loki, Who looked scandalized for a brief moment. 

“Thor, no-, I-“ Loki tried to hold Thor back by a feeble attempt, trying to pull him back by the wrist as Thor walked towards the cashier with an armful clothes Loki had picked. He paid for them hastily, shopkeeper’s gaze still lingering on them as he practically dragged Loki out of the tiny shop against his unyielding arguments on how he had no means of payment. 

Once they were out on the street, shopping bags tucked under Thor’s arm, safely out of Loki’s reach, Thor wrapped his right arm around Loki’s waist, effectively shutting him up and pulling him in. 

“Please,” he said in mock kindness, as Loki parted his lips to argue once more, “Shut up.” 

Upon Loki’s affronted expression he let out a laugh. 

“I can’t pay for it you dumb buffoon,” Loki countered, even though he didn’t resist against Thor pulling him closer. 

“But I can.” Thor flashed his famous smile at Loki, one that had been made famous by his colleagues -The ten dozen watt smile- Tony called it. Loki still looked annoyed as Thor stole a peck against his cheek, before they managed to make it into Thor’s flat; where Loki slumped on his couch flicking through the channels complaining how mainstream media had dominated independent publication before settling on a black white movie. 

Thor placed the the newly bought stuff in the previously emptied drawer, something he’d done without telling Loki, all in an attempt to not freak him out, binding him to any sort of commitment. Carefully sliding back into the living room, he made himself comfortable on his couch, Loki shifting to press their shoulders together. 

Another day without a craving on Loki’s behalf was a winning day for Thor, so pushed back the missed calls from Natasha for the moment, basking in the illusion cast upon his life, Loki snuggling closer to him only cemented his unfulfilled lust he needed to keep in check. He smiled regardless when Loki mouthed Audrey’s famous line; ‘Oh! Every morning when I wake up and I see there's a whole new other day, I just go absolutely ape!’ 

Thor promised himself that he would reschedule another appointment with Natasha and let himself enjoy the rest of the movie with Loki slightly dozing off on his shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm extremely overwhelmed by your comments. I'm terrible at responses, and fail to respond to many but I never expected this. Each and every one of your comments are so kind, I'm really undeserving. Thank you so, so much for your response and feedback.


	11. Chapter 11

“Will you be okay ?” Thor asked for what already felt like too many times, starting to grate on Loki’s nerves, smoothing out the creases of his charcoal suit. 

“I’m not insane, you know.” Loki retorted dryly while idly forking around his half eaten breakfast. That had Thor snapping his gaze up instantly as Loki scoffed at his transparent concern.

“Loki, I didn’t mean-“ Thor apologized abruptly. 

“ _I know._ ” Loki cut in before Thor made even more of a spectacle of apologizing to Loki. “I’ll be fine and I’ll still be here when you get back.” He reassured and when Thor still looked hesitant to believe him, he went a step further to cement his point. “And we’ll see the infamous shrink who’s to work wonders on me, I promise.” Thor just sighed in retaliation running his hands over his tie once more. 

“That’s what you’ve said last week.” He sounded resigned. Disbelieving. Something Loki couldn’t afford. 

“But I just promised you. Surely that has to mean something ?” He resorted to a pout, one that had been described as ‘teasing’ by many. As suspected, Thor’s expression softened and he brought his hand to rest on Loki’s shoulder. 

“It does. I’m truly glad that you agree to seek psychological help.” He gave a slight squeeze to Loki’s bony shoulder before departing for work, leaving Loki to his own devices. Loki washed the dishes remaining from the breakfast, thinking it was the least he could do when Thor offered him a warm place to stay at, especially since he refused any sort of payment Loki could offer. Then he went to dig up the stash he had in his old jeans, wrinkled up and thrown away in favor of Thor buying him new clothes. Smoking weed hadn’t come up in his terms with his little agreement with Thor, even though he could see Thor frowning upon the motion, he needed _something_ before the dreadful appointment Thor had been so eager to set up. Once he inhaled a couple puffs from the joint, he let his mind free, all of his thoughts converging upon a single person. 

 

Thor -much to Loki’s lately rekindled amusement- had been walking on eggshells whenever he was in Loki’s presence, all of his moves painfully calculated and thought-out, his responses coming out heart-felt yet excruciatingly deliberate as if there was a secret code word that would crack Loki open destined to trigger him into a rampant breakdown. Not being used to such gentle and careful handling, Loki found himself struggling at treading his relationship with Thor. He wished there was a simple way to make Thor understand that whatever romanticized fantasy Thor had running through his head where he was Thor’s long lost brother Thor could just rescue, the damsel in distress scenario didn’t play out the same for Loki. In distress he might be, but he was in no need of saving, he had been making coin ever since he could remember, pulling his own weight by his own means. Thor treating him like a delicate piece of jewelry deemed to break at any point had thrown him off his track, and despite his better judgement had slowly rooted a falsified sense of safety. As much as he tried to defy the feeling, he couldn’t help but welcome the feeling of safety whenever he was graced with the presence of Thor; always doting about him, buying him clothes, feeding him properly and making sure he was tucked in; his attentions bordering on embarrassing yet welcomed nonetheless. It was troubling, given how he would probably be back out on the streets once Thor’s interest in him waned, he couldn’t afford to bask in such succor with Thor’s radiating warmth surrounding him. There was a reason Loki had his guards up, strong and unyielding akin to sharpest of steel, ready to shred sentiment when it came his way. So he let Thor have his daydreams and fantasies where he imaged Loki as his brother, as long as it served him, he could pretend, after all he had pretended to be many a thing during his years of servitude; long lost lovers, kept away mistress, what was a long lost brother for him to pretend. He’d been asked to call his suitors a variety of things, older men with a burning daddy kink who paid him extra for the sake of calling him ‘daddy’, clients with an oppressed dominant streak who wished Loki called them ‘master’, really Thor wishing to be called ‘brother’ by Loki was not nearly as taxing. If Thor wanted Loki to name him his brother, Loki could do that as long as it held his interest. The only thing Loki couldn’t pinpoint was the fact that Thor had refused his services so far, refusing Loki’s well made attempts at all cause. Loki did not pride himself on many things, but pleasuring a man wasn’t a mystery to him. 

He sunk deep in the couch that was laid in the middle of Thor’s main hall, zapping through the channels until he came across a black and white movie. That was another thing that disturbed him. The patterns they had fallen into. During the two weeks where Loki stayed with Thor; they had discovered an unsettling number of random things that they both enjoyed, old school movies being one of them. Whenever Loki hadn’t been locked in the bathroom suffering from withdrawal symptoms, they were watching old black and white movies where Loki snuggled against Thor’s chest. Loki didn’t pride his moments of surrender as his highest, but Thor had been so warm, so solid against him that he couldn’t simply pass on the opportunity. He had also ceased his advances on Thor, slowly coming in terms with the fact that Thor had taken him in not as a usual client. Whenever Loki even tried to get promiscuous with Thor, he was blushing and begging for Loki to stop. As much as Thor seemed to be set on cracking Loki, he was set out to crack Thor, to find out what he really wanted from Loki. Half his mind mingled with thoughts and theories about Thor, he tried to focus on the movie, waiting for Thor to come back home. 

***

“Are you ready ?” Thor hadn’t even changed out of his work suit, still draped in an immaculate cut, accompanied by his tie that Loki found himself underdressed, clad in simple black jeans and a while cotton t-shirt. 

“That…. I am.” Loki mimicked Thor’s words with a mocking smirk, but truth to be told he was nervous as he’d never been before. Having been paraded before clients who were willing to pay for his nightly services hadn’t riled him so much as a single appointment Thor had set up. A psychologist, Loki assumed, would be willing to talk about intangible things, such as Loki’s ‘emotions’ and ‘feelings’ which he wasn’t really willing to address, especially when he was caught in a crossroad.

Thor acted in the manner of a spoiled golden retriever for the lack of a better comparison; straightening Loki’s clothing as well his own multiple times, drumming his fingers on every available surface and checking his phone even more often. Bracing himself for an interrogation, Loki ran his carefully chosen answers through his head once more. 

***

Thor stayed back in the waiting lounge, still wearing a far too hopeful expression for Loki’s comfort as he urged Loki into Natasha’s office. She greeted him at the door with a firm handshake and gestured to the leather couch that sat before an amazing view of the city, joining him on the adjacent seat soon after with a notepad in her lap.

“So what do you want to talk about, Loki ?” 

Granted, the question didn’t take Loki by surprise. The appearance of Natasha however did. For once, she wasn’t sat behind her desk like Loki imagined she would be, nor did she seem to even look into his eyes -a small comfort he was thankful for- gazing off into the silhouette of tall buildings. She was attractive, younger than what Loki had predicted, curly red hair framing her face; Loki figured he could play her easily enough. 

“Whatever that will help me _recover_ all the faster. ” He smirked. 

“So you’re not opposed to your admission due to an unstable mind state and abusing drugs ?” She asked bluntly. Loki opened his mouth to argue, he certainly wasn’t here by his own will, nor would he admit to abusing drugs openly. 

“You’re direct aren’t you ?” Loki countered. 

“We’re not here to talk about me, but sure you could say that. I like getting to the source of the problem as quick as I can, some might say direct.” Natasha shrugged. When Loki kept silent, she continued. “Either way, you’re here, sitting on my couch. We could spend the next two hours admiring the skyline, but something tells me you need someone to talk to.” 

“I don’t know why I’m sitting on your couch” Loki muttered towards his hands clasped tightly between his knees. 

“Talk to me.” She said, suddenly forcing him to meet her eyes; similar shade of a deep green like his. All of a sudden he felt too small, shrinking down under her penetrating gaze. So Loki started talking. He didn’t have much to lose, and it felt getting it off of his chest, someone finally willing to listen to _him_ ; not one of characters he put on play. He talked and talked spinning his tales until he felt his voice scraping his throat, and Natasha just listened, silently scribbling something across her notepad every once and then. She did not blink when words felt too heavy to voice, tears filling up his eyes against his will, holding her stoic stature. When it was finally the time to end their session, Loki felt drained, wanting to drown in Thor’s comforting bed. Natasha gave him a hug on his way out, mentioning she was looking forward to seeing him next week before she uttered much dreaded words to Loki’s ears: “I’d like to get a word in with Thor before you leave.” 

Sensing Loki’s slight yet sudden change in stance, she offered a genuine smile. 

“Everything you’ve said during our session is confidential.” 

Loki still felt like a string pulled too tightly before stepping out of her office to exchange places with Thor. 

***

Thor smiled uneasily, he didn’t expect Natasha to want to speak to him privately, but welcomed it nonetheless; any information he could gain that would provide him leverage upon his relationship with Loki was welcomed. 

“Is he going to be okay ?” he blurted, wincing the next moment as he realized how he sounded. Thankfully, Natasha didn’t reprimand him, only smiled a tight smile before speaking. 

“It depends.” Upon Thor’s expectant expression she took a deep breath. “You need be patient with him.” 

“I am, I swear I talk to him often and try to make him remember me, I-“ 

“Mr. Odinson,” she cut in, “It’s not about you. Being patient also means giving him his space, allow him that. He’s been refused a space of his own for a long time -he needs that. He spoke to me of your little rituals.” 

Thor blushed at the words, yet nodded fervently. Much to his surprise, she went on with a genuine smile, 

“Keep those up. He needs familiarity, some sort of sanctuary if you will. The things you do together would keep him occupied, keep his mind off of his addictions. Crowds might be too intimidating at first, I would advise against that, but socializing is a key point to breaking his shell, keep that in mind. And again, _be patient._ He will have setbacks and it will be hard, but you need to work through his obstacles, just as he is trying to get around them himself.” She concluded as Thor struggled to take mental notes. He was escorted to where Loki was waiting for him soon enough. 

***

Their ride back home was quiet, Loki didn’t ask what Natasha talked to him about, neither did Thor, sensing was too much of a private issue. Once they arrived at Thor’s house, Loki mumbled something about taking a shower, and Thor whilst burning to monitor Loki during his secluded time in his bathroom, pulled back his reigns with some effort, words form Natasha still ringing in his ears. So he settled for ordering pizza, making sure their order didn’t involve mushrooms or olives -two ingredients he’d found out Loki wouldn’t come near-, and settled on his couch, flipping the channels for something they both could enjoy. _’You need to be patient with him’_. Natasha’s word echoed in his head, a small voice in his head battling all reason. ‘You conveniently left out the part where you desired him as something more than a brother should’. Silencing his inner turmoil, Thor got up to pour himself a drink. He knew of the possible repercussions; Loki replacing his addictions with alcohol, Loki picking upon his drinking patterns, Loki, Loki, _Loki_. It did all come back to him. Yet still, Thor needed his vices, a neat double shot of whiskey being one of them. 

Loki emerged from his rooms after Thor had downed two shots, dozing off on the couch, finally settling on a black and white movie. Loki carefully clutched the towel around his waist, wet locks of hair slicked back curling at the end of his neck. His chest bared to the wind, pebbled nipples stealing Thor’s attentions momentarily, settling next to Thor, reaching for his glass and taking a long sip, he scooted closer to Thor muttering, “What are we watching ?” 

Thor was so ensnared by Loki’s presence so close, pressing against him that he couldn’t help himself to ignore Loki’s question but to bring his hand to clasp around Loki’s neck, dragging him closer for a kiss that was long overdue. He pried open Loki’s lips, he let his tongue explore the depths of Loki’s mouth, invading what Loki gave permission to, parting his lips pliantly against Thor’s. 

The second Loki started running his fingertips against the soft fabric of Thor’s shirt, he recoiled as if he’d been electrocuted. Loki appeared as confused as he felt; betrayed and hurt. 

“What is this ?” Loki asked, once Thor pulled back from his ministrations, and Thor wished he had answer. His thoughts ran thousand miles an hour, yet nothing tangible came up.

“Loki, I-, You-“ 

“ _No._ What is this.” Loki distanced himself from Thor, drawing back further with a wary gaze, affect lessened by kiss-swollen lips. Thor found himself in a turmoil of emotions not for the, first time. Kissing Loki had been a mistake on his part, a regrettable one for sure, yet he found himself not regretting it one bit. He had finally indulged in his instincts; the will the claim Loki, ever since he’d first seen him had been so hard that Thor was almost surprised that it had taken him so long.

Loki on the other hand, had been vulnerable, craving for affection ever since Thor had spotted him; the single reason he felt guilt over his actions. Loki was not in his right mind. He had let go of any taboos when he tasted Loki’s lips; he was ready to introduce Loki to anyone as his brother, and equally eager to introduce him as brother, yet Loki looked so stricken and taken aback, it made him question his own motives. 

“Loki…” He whispered, hoping to draw some form of response from Loki, who seemed to draw back from Thor in a state of shock. 

“You… What do you want with me ?” Loki rasped, his resolve seemingly broken. 

Thor tried to come up with a proper response as so many answers ran through his head; _”I missed my brother,” “I’ve wanted you for so long,” “Ive just wanted to taste you,”_ … There were countless answers which he could have chosen from but Thor said nothing, claiming Loki’s mouth once again. 

He expected nothing when he brought his hand to the nape of Loki’s neck, petting the sofft curling hair, having Loki arch into his palm like a touch-starved convict, dragging him closer. Loki didn’t argue when Thor brought their lips together once more, the movie long forgotten in the background, tongues delving past parted lips on both sides. Thor was known to be an amorous lover, yet he has never so passionately made out with one another, lost in the comfort of his own couch, his tongue tasting Loki for the first time, despite being aware of the mistake he was making. He took Loki’s mouth with abundance, well aware of the fact that this would be a one time experience, a gift where Loki was responsive, moaning against him and bringing his own hands to wrap around Thor’s neck, letting go of the towel. 

On some level Thor realized there would be ramifications upon his caveman-ish actions, yet he did not care at the moment, feeling of Loki’s lips around his was the only thing he cared for.


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 'Someone' makes an appearance while Thor hates himself for solid reasons.

It was hard to startle Loki; he’d seen and experienced a lot of things during his wild time in the streets, but apparently Thor strived to succeed, pressing his lips against Loki’s, punching the breath out of him. Loki responded out of instinct, it wasn’t likely that his suitors would kiss him on the lips, but it had happened enough that Loki felt the need to respond, the emanating warmth from Thor not helping his resolve in the slightest. So he parted his lips and allowed Thor to further his ministrations, soaking up heat of Thor, one who had been calling him brother so earnestly. For a split second he could pretend it to be one of his customers who was looming over him and it was easy enough to slip into the mindset, but then Thor had drawn back and looked at Loki with such intensity that made him want to drop all pretense and flee on the spot, because none of his suitors had looked at Loki with such ardor. Then Thor had made the situation worse by gripping the back of his neck, as if falsely rooted sentiment could save both of them. It wasn’t something that Thor did often, but Loki could tell it meant something to Thor on another level that failed to transpire to Loki. Thor didn’t often touch him, let alone grope, but whenever he got that flicker of gleam in his eyes he would bring his hand to cusp his neck, fingers curling around his throat softly. Loki was panting hard by the time Thor was towering over him, conquering Loki’s mouth with his own, demanding without abandon. Thor parted for a second to whisper against his lips where Loki relished the bitter after taste of sour whiskey, passed onto his from Thor’s mouth. 

“ _Brother,_ ” Thor growled and looked at him with such fondness in his gaze, Loki couldn’t help but return it, a soft smile hooking up the corners of his kiss-swollen lips. _’ You would deign to call me brother, even in this ?’_ words unspoken ran through his mind and Thor was back engulfing Loki in his warmth, locking his arms around Loki’s shaking frame as if willing to conduct heat to Loki’s cold body as he arched into the touch, welcoming the heated embrace. Thor’s lips didn’t return to his, but instead found their way down to his neck, sinking in to the soft flesh beside his adam’s apple, sharp tongue laving at the bruise that would surely make itself known by the morning. 

Thor left more bruises than he intended to that night, from Loki’s neck down to his navel where he pushed up the fabric against Loki’s skin, laying down a trail of open mouthed kisses. Loki just laid there, his breath coming out in short gasps whenever he felt teeth biting down, taking whatever Thor had to offer. It was a nice change being taken care of, yet he still couldn’t get hard; he hadn’t been able to for a long while -another side effect of heroine he’d come to accept- and none of his previous bedmates had made an issue out of it. Save for Thor. Loki flushed crimson when Thor pulled back after sucking another wet bruise next to the trail of soft hair traveling down Loki’s navel, with a truly considerate expression written across his face. 

“Are you not enjoying this ?” 

Loki almost let out a laugh, because Thor was so clueless, and despite his trite knowledge of Loki he’d gathered during their shared time, he didn’t know Loki by the slightest. Loki could already feel how hard and pulsing Thor was through the thin fabric of his pajamas, yet the expression he wore was at odds with his state. It would have been easy enough to weave a lie, it was after all what Loki did best, to spring convincing lies to enhance and to convince. He could’ve pretended that Thor was one of his desperate customers, in need of assurance and praise, but that would mean accepting Thor as another casualty, and he couldn’t afford that. However, he didn’t have a response either, to say that he was indeed enjoying their spontaneous make out session would be too obvious a lie, and to say that he’s not -well, Loki was actually enjoying the amount of attention Thor was paying to him, disguised as a brother or not. So Loki shifted beneath Thor, cradling his face with both of hands before stating out what was obvious. It was an easy way out, but Loki had learned it the hard way that ones who didn’t take the opportunity offered were the ones who drove themselves off the edge of a cliff right into a pitfall. 

“You’re drunk.” Loki sighed fondly, cradling his fingers through Thor’s golden locks that formed a shining halo around his handsome face. 

“A bit,” Thor laughed and Loki wanted to stab himself. Thor was so beautiful, and if he could ensure that this wasn’t meant to be a one night thing, just a drunken act of leniency from Thor; if Thor could still love him as a brother and a lover, he would have indulged, giving Thor all he had. Yet he couldn’t risk it, because Thor was just as mercurial as he was, scolding Loki one moment and doting over him with guilt laden looks the next. It fell upon Loki once again, to act the strong one, so he squirmed his way under Thor, leaning on the further edge of the couch away from Thor’s boxing frame. 

“I think you need to sleep it off.” Loki said with all the drawn restraint he could muster up. For a second Thor looked like he was going to jump Loki, but he was getting up the next and muttering apologies and gibberish the next, his words slurred with the added effect of alcohol, picking up the bottle of whiskey and trotting towards his own bedroom, leaving Loki to his own thoughts. 

***

Loki kept his eyes shut as he slowly came into consciousness. It took him a while to take in his surroundings, he was on Thor’s couch with a blanket over him. Flashes of the previous night played across his eyes as he struggled to keep his eyes closed. He didn’t want to wake up, not after the night he had been through. Confused didn’t cover an inch of the emotions he felt. He was surprised to find himself feeling betrayed, hurt, intrigued, obliged, _and_ confused all at once. It also didn’t help that the sharp pang of ache that speared through his skull had returned. Loki had always relied on meaning, as long as something made sense to him, he would comply. Not to say his choices always landed him in the best of places, they had always made sense to him, in one messed up way or another; money in exchange of services, drugs to dull out sensation and to ease his mind, making enough cash so he could someday not depend on people. It had all made sense, and Thor had thrown a wrench in there, meddling with his logic, up until now. Loki had deemed his dalliance with Thor as a form of salvation, a safe place where Thor acted the caring, protective big brother, defending Loki from what life had to offer to him so far. But then Thor had kissed him with such fervor, Loki felt himself _want_. Oh how he wanted. He wanted to feel Thor’s constant warmth against his frame, he wanted to burn up in flames Thor had to offer, but when he finally pried his eyes open, Thor wasn’t there. In fact, there was no evidence of the previous night, save for a knocked over glass on the rug. The door to Thor’s bedroom was ajar, so Loki got up and tiptoed his way across to get a peek into the bedroom, only to find it empty. Thor’s bed was unmade, yet there was no distinction of Thor. Feeling curious, Loki walked into Thor’s bedroom. The bathroom he’d already used countless of times was devoid of any signs of life, just as the bedroom. The only sign of Thor sleeping there was the upturned bed and the empty bottle by the pillow. Loki padded back into the living room, sinking down on the couch. He lit a cigarette, inhaling the smoke like fresh breath of air into his lungs, relying on nicotine to keep him occupied, because he had been craving. A line of coke, a shot of heroine, or even a puff of crack. 

***

Thor regretted his actions rarely, especially after leaving Odin’s care; it had been the biggest decision of his life and he hadn’t been forced to make such tough decisions ever since.. Yet he felt nothing short of hatred for himself when he finally sobered up after a night of drooling on his pillow with an empty bottle of whiskey laying there on the counter as a reminder of his actions. He reached for his mobile, trying to snooze the alarm he had drunkenly set. Once he managed to stop the friggin’ alarm, he scrolled through his messages; worried ones from Sif regarding both work and his mind state, a single one from Tony Stark himself asking what was going on with him -if Thor could be bothered about work, this was the one text that would set his nerves alight-, and one he did not dare to read just yet, a text from Frigga. He groaned into his pillow before dragging himself out of bed towards his bathroom, taking a quick shower and dressing in a fine suit making sure to not raise any sound to wake Loki up. He didn’t bother with breakfast, laying a blanket upon Loki, not even daring to look at his face - _You made out with him_. - He laid a kiss on Loki’s temple before leaving his apartment, bracing himself for work even though he didn’t want to talk to any of his accounts, or co-workers. 

Work related part of ‘work’ went as Thor had expected, irritating yet sliding by without much trouble, tying up loose ends, hating himself more by the second he spoke with confidence on the phone convincing people of how trustworthy they were. Thankfully Thor was no stranger to his line of work, and he allowed himself a smoke break after gaining another customer with a lot of money on his hands who looked to tripling it. 

So he went to the smoking area, unearthing a cigarette from his pocket he’d started carrying ever since he’d taken Loki in, and lit it up, inhaling the nicotine finding a small relief as images from the previous night came back in flashes. He was thankfully startled out of his trail of thought when he felt a strong hand clasp his shoulder. 

“Long time no see.” An uncharacteristically cheerful Tony Stark greeted him. He almost choked on the smoke leaving his lungs, Tony was rarely seen in the company, even though he had treated Thor as a friend ever since he’d made the decision to work for Tony’s company. However Thor knew better than to abuse the kindness that had been afforded.

“I thought you were in Shanghai.” Thor resented his statement gravely, but he still didn’t know how to address Tony, whether or not Tony would be upset about his workdays was a mystery. Tony made a flippant gesture with his free hand before lighting a cigarette of his own. 

“I was, I was, I took a flight back yesterday, you know Pepper.” He inhaled and waved his hand once again. “Can’t sneak in a day for myself where _’the company’_ isn’t concerned about one thing or not.” 

Thor huffed a laugh, because he indeed knew what what Tony was talking about, Pepper was Tony’s personal assistant, and frankly, the one who run the entire company whenever Tony felt like taking a ‘breather’. People were much more frightened by the sight of Pepper rather than Tony, despite him being the one who owned the actual company. 

“So what’s been on your mind big guy ?” Tony asked. 

“Hutchington’s been tied, he’s willing to buy some stocks for sure and I-“ Thor started only to have Tony wave him away once more. 

“Thor, I don’t mean work. I wouldn’t have bothered to hire you if I had a doubt about your skills, I don’t care about the accounts, you know that.” He inhaled once more, exhaling the smoke. “ I mean, why haven’t we seen you at work, what’s happening, are you finally tying up the knot ?” he nudged Thor’s shoulder with a suggestive wriggle of his eyebrows. Thor had the suppress the urge to vomit upon the suggestion. Tony must have sensed Thor’s discomfort, cause he didn’t push the subject any further, putting out his cigarette and slapping Thor on the shoulder before taking his leave. 

“It’s good to see you back in action Thor.” He said before leaving Thor to dwell on his thoughts. 

He saw Sif during lunch briefly, trying his best to avoid her worried glances, and professionally avoiding her attempts to corner him not feeling quite ready for a heartfelt one-on-one session with Sif. She would be worried about him undoubtedly, and being the only person who knew about Loki she would ask questions Thor wasn’t prepared to answer. 

He was simply thinking about Loki when Pepper called him. 

“Mr. Odinson ?” 

“Ms. Potts, I’m at your service.” Pepper practically represented Tony, and it was known that any request of Pepper would be in favour of the company, if not Tony Stark himself. 

“I’m extremely sorry to be putting you in this position, but the head of our human resources department seems to be _missing_ ,” Pepper hissed, “seeing how you don’t have any other appointments for the rest of the day, I take it I can trust you to take care of the rest of the interviewers ?” So he would be interviewing nervous interns for the rest of the day. Compared to what he usually did, it was a piece of cake, and would possibly take his mind off of Loki. 

He was presented with a preset form, composed of standard questions that left a large area to his own intuition. The first candidate Thor interviewed was nervous and desperate to work for Tony, something he personally knew Tony despised, so he promised to return the call. The second interviewee appeared a little less desperate, answering the questions earnestly, so Thor put his resume on the pile that would have been considered. The third candidate, however, took him by surprise. 

He came from a military background, not something they encountered often. 

“Steve Rogers.” He gave a firm handshake before settling across Thor, his body language comfortable yet taut. Thor took a liking to him from the start, he presented himself with a positive attitude, and to his credit didn’t mention ‘wanting to work for Tony Stark’ once. 

“And finally, why do you want to work for Stark enterprises ?” Thor asked. Steve chuckled as he got up from his seat. 

“It would be foolish not to acknowledge Mr. Stark’s profound success in the business, I simply want for both of us to gain something from this. Experience, speaking for myself, new clients for Mr. Stark, so to speak of.” 

Thor was convinced by the end of their interview, and they were shaking hands with Steve gaining a new contract, and Stark INC with a new employee. 

As a representative, Steve fulfilled the expectations, he was built muscular and tall, dashing blue eyes and blonde hair, he was the specimen they had been searching for. He had a good feeling about Steve, so he called Pepper on the spot and made sure Steve was the one who got the position.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still thanking each and everyone of you who're still reading this. I swear I have a plot line, it's just taking me a while to process it, and this entire thing is sadly un-beta'd. So any mistakes you spot solely belong to me.


	13. Chapter 13

Steve had been talk of the week since being hired, and Thor had gotten a personal bonus from Pepper personally, thanking him time after time. Turned out, Steve indeed proved himself to be trustworthy employee Thor vouched for. Whenever Thor was at work, he pushed the rest of his problems into a deep place in his mind -he wondered if this was how Loki’s mind worked, simply repressing whatever he didn’t want to remember- because work offered an outlet he needed desperately; no one asked about his personal life, even Sif had taken a step back sensing that Thor needed some space. It was easy enough for him to get lost in Fandral’s latest success in scoring some chick’s number much to Sif rolling her eyes, or Volstagg’s tales of his kids. Other than that, it was simply people asking him about his accounts, or in a specific case of Tony Stark, pestering for a night out. Before he could worry about Tony, Sif had stolen the privilege, pulling him towards a corner before Tony got the chance. 

“Tony wants to talk to you.” She stated bluntly. Thor just stared at her, dumbfounded, and not really knowing how to respond. 

“I know you need some time in dealing with… whatever you have on your hands, I just wanted you to know. You know there’s no stopping Tony once he’s had his mind set on one thing.” She smirked and patted Thor on the shoulder. 

Apparently, Sif did have a point, and Thor realized it once he was being cornered once again by Tony Stark himself. 

***

“You, my friend, are wasting yourself.” Tony said on one of the lunch dates Thor couldn’t afford to refuse. Tony was sipping a margarita, Thor had sworn clear of alcohol since that damned night. 

“How so ?” He asked playfully with a hint of smile. 

“You’re acting too reserved man, c’mon tell me what’s going on.” Tony prodded, and Thor hated to admit that he saw Tony’s point; when he had hired Thor, he had been the life of the party, he had spent far too many nights getting drunk at high end strip clubs with Tony, and he couldn’t blame Tony for questioning his change in stance ever since Loki came into the picture. 

“Nothing’s going on,” Thor started, hoping Tony would drop it, not really wanting to disclose his relationship with his brother. 

“Thor. Please don’t make me prove to you that I’m not an idiot.” Tony took another sip, before continuing, “Don’t get me wrong, this is not some boss-employer thing, think of it as friend to friend conversation.” 

_’What’s another person knowing,’_ Thor thought, before unravelling and telling Tony almost everything. Everything except the night where he got too drunk and crossed a boundary. He told how he had an adopted brother, how he rescued him, and how he had been staying at his house for a while, needing extra care. Tony kept his silence for a couple of minutes, abandoning Thor in the uncomfortable silence. 

“Holy shit.” 

“Yeah.” Thor smiled uneasily. 

“Dude,” Tony slurped the last of his drink before gripping Thor’s shoulder and giving it a brief squeeze. “Take some time off. A week, I don’t know, a month. I’ll talk to Pepper-“ He raised his hands in retaliation when Thor opened his mouth to argue, “I won’t cut your pay. You need some time off, trust me. If that employee you hired is anything to go by his reputation, you’ll be more than fine.” He winked once more and slipped a hundred dollar bill under his glass before leaving Thor to dwell on his thoughts. 

***

Loki remembered how much he hated the streets once he went out on them. It had been a tough call to make; on one side he had Thor, who undoubtedly lived in a fantasy world where he thought once he held Loki’s hair back while he retched, all would be fine. Then there was the actual reality of Loki’s situation; Loki being a guest in Thor’s house in need of a relief. The streets were crowded, filthy and uncaring, and it reminded Loki too much of himself, as much as it agitated him, the masses of people surging through also calmed him in a mental state; no one really cared. He felt no semblance of guilt when he bought gear from his usual dealer, exchanging the last amount of cash he had for what it was worth. It was powder, so it would be gone before Thor had a clue. He was back home before four pm, which meant he had an hour before Thor came back, giving him plenty of time to get his high. The stuff he had wasn’t the usual snow white color Loki was used to, but then again he wasn’t used to sniffing heroin, so he tried not to judge the ugly brown shade. He sniffed the lines before he heard the keys turn in the lock; mildly surprised that Thor was back home earlier than usual. Wiping the counter clean swiftly with his hand -even though there was nothing left- he straightened himself, knowing the high wouldn’t hit for at least another ten minutes. Thor hadn’t really spoken to him after the night where he tried to make out with Loki and get him off, so Loki let him be, still confused about what Thor actually wanted from him. 

“Loki ?” 

“In here.” Loki responded panic rising in his voice slightly, he needed to somehow put some distance between himself and Thor before the drug affected him, he could already feel the hints of a sweet haze conquering his mind. He felt his pulse speed up, sweat pouring out of his pores as Thor made his way towards him. He took a step back as a reflex, still not daring to meet Thor’s eyes. 

“I have week off,” Thor said, depositing his keys and messenger bag on the counter by the entrance. 

“Oh ?” Well that was curious. Surely it had something to do with him, and Loki tried his best to school his expression to a one of nonchalance, if Thor wanted to stick by his side for a week, so let it be. 

“Yeah, it was Tony said so himself and - Loki ?” 

Loki had stopped listening to Thor, his voice a distant rumble as he felt a sense of lightness flood his being. His mind was alight and so were his senses, and for a split second, nothing mattered except for the pulse in his veins and the distant humming of Thor’s strong voice. 

“ _fuck, fuck, FUCK_ ” was all he heard before Thor smashed his fist into the wall nearby, an unreasonable act in Loki’s case, he was already flying on top of the clouds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the short chapter but if it's any relief the next one will be longer for sure and the update will take much less time.


	14. Chapter 14

That night stole a lot from both of them, even though Thor had been so roused up with anger, Loki hadn’t felt scared for himself, somewhat knowing deep down that Thor wouldn’t dare hurt him, not even when he was so enraged; his anger specifically aimed at Loki himself. He’d regretted his rightful confidence when Thor had punched the hollow wall right beside him, ending up with a bloody knuckle when his hand half went through the gypsum cement, earning an undignified shriek from Loki. All Thor had asked was _’why’_ afterwards and in the end, it had been enough to make Loki break down in half sobs and half heaves accompanied by heavy breathing, because he hadn’t had a proper answer. Not one that Thor wanted to hear anyway; according to Loki, Thor chose to live in his intricately crafted fantasy world where Loki wasn’t even an addict and everything was _just fine_ , and he could keep Loki with him like a piece of a rare collection out-bid by rivals at an antique auction, available always at his disposal. It felt like it had been a couple years as Loki finally felt the high wearing off completely, but it was probably just a couple hours. He rubbed his temples with both of his hands gently as he could while he seated himself next to Thor on the couch, who was still supporting a bloody knuckle and just new to Loki’s knowledge, crying softly. It was truly as awkward as it got for him, why was Thor crying ? Was he was upset that his little daytime fantasy had failed ? That Loki couldn’t play up to the person Thor had shaped him up to be in his mind ? That Loki had failed Thor’s expectations ? He could play a variety of roles, but consoling the scorned lover was not one of them, it hadn’t been one for a long time, let alone a supposed family member with doubtful intentions. Frankly, Loki didn’t even know if Thor had gotten upset over his relapse or that he had gone out of Thor’s word. “Thor.” He gently prodded Thor on the shoulder, “Thor,” he tried again louder when he got no response out of the slumped figure next to him. 

“What ?” Thor finally brought his hands down from his face and turned his gaze towards Loki, and he regretted it upon that instant, because Thor’s gaze was piercing and expectant, shining tears gathering in the corners of his eyes, deeming answers and full of unvoiced questions that Loki didn’t want to answer, that he wasn’t _ready_ to answer, not yet, maybe not ever. He was in a completely different mindset, certainly not ready to deal with whatever Thor was going to throw in his way and he felt guilty even thinking of such a thing in the current circumstances, but he couldn’t help but notice what years of his profession brought within him; Thor looked breathtaking. Even with his eyes swollen from crying, a streak of blood across his cheek due to his bloody knuckles, the man across him still managed to look enchanting when he held Loki’s gaze, the blue of his irises had receded in order of his dilated pupils, somehow darker than anyone else’s Loki had seen, crimson staining his face, painting half of his golden stubble a deep, dark red that Loki wished he could kiss all the crimson away from Thor’s beautiful face. 

“Don’t get angry,” Loki mentally kicked himself as the words left his mouth, because usually he could spin words so dexterously, but the talent fled him when he needed to make use of it desperately. The feeling heightened when Thor let out another choked out sob, “I’m sorry, I’m fine, really-” he tried to reassure, hoping to placate Thor, wanting nothing more than the put an end to this dispute and to Thor being so miserable. Assuming that was what had Thor so agitated and upset; that Loki had relapsed, that he had put in his life in danger, almost wishing it to be the reason; someone caring simply for his well being. 

“Don’t get angry ? _Don’t get ANGRY ? Wow._ ” Before he could get a word in, Thor got up to his feet, looking scary and intimidating as he never had before, dark and tall and imposing. He took in a couple of harsh breaths as he continued, “I did everything I could, I, I-“ he walked over to the kitchen counter laughing out loud, the sound of it hurting Loki’s ears because it didn’t fit with the sound he had filed Thor’s laughter as, boisterous and cheerful, this one sounded just loud and bitter and it didn’t fit Thor, not at all. “I was so happy to tell you that I got week off, I thought-“ and Thor was laughing with that horrible voice again and Loki hated nothing more than the sound of Thor’s broken, cynical laughter that almost sounded like it was mocking him directly. Suddenly Loki started calculating, because that was what he needed to: don’t set up shop anywhere, don’t lay roots, be ready pack up in a heartbeat. He hadn’t gotten any cash off of Thor, and what he’d brought wouldn’t be near enough to carry him out through the night, but he didn’t need food, not at the moment and could give his old pimp a call but even that would entail him using Thor’s phone and he wasn’t so sure that Thor would let him near anything that was in his house owned by him. 

“I need to make a call just-“ Thor’s voice brought him back to the present as he progressed Thor’s words, Thor’s words that didn’t suggest that he needed to be on his heels right this moment. In fact, Thor seemed even more agitated than he was mere seconds ago, considering he wasn’t the one concerned about a shack to stick his head in, Loki thought Thor was acting rather absurdly; he watched Thor take a swig straight out of a bottle -so much for his promises to never ever drink again-, fetch his phone from his pocket and punch in a number then disappear to the privacy of his bedroom, leaving Loki by himself. Loki figured out he could at least wait out Thor’s phone conversation -it had to be important if he was choosing to go through with it at this moment- so he sunk even further into the couch, willing himself to be engulfed by Thor’s couch completely and praying that Thor would actually let him stay the night before he kicked him out. 

***

Thor was pacing. He was pacing and breathing hard while the dial tone kept ringing in his ear, it had to be past four am in europe; where he was currently calling. 

“Thor ?” the familiar voice finally went through at the end of the line. 

“Mother, I-“ Thor stopped, because he didn’t have any idea how to continue. He was in desperate need of advice, and Frigga was the second person he’d chosen to call after he’d called Bruce, making sure that Loki wasn’t in any immediate danger after a relapse, just a minor set back. Bruce had spent fifteen minutes reassuring Thor that, no, he did not need to bring Loki in this particular second, that relapses were not uncommon and once again, Loki wasn’t in any imminent danger. And now he was waiting for Frigga to pick up, cursing himself inwardly for his decision to call his mother in the first place. 

“Thor, are you okay ?” Frigga’s voice was heavy with genuine concern, with just a hint of disappointment poking through, she probably thought that he had gotten into a drunken brawl and ended up in custody where he needed Frigga to provide him with credentials without notifying Odin. Thor only wished that it had been something as simple as that, because really, how did one break down that he had tracked down the missing adopted son who had no recognition of them ? 

“I’m, I’m fine, it’s… It’s not me I’m calling for, it’s someone else,” 

“What is it ?” She still sounded so genuine that it broke Thor’s heart to be the one to wake her up in the middle of the night, and this was possibly the worst way to deliver the news cause he’d been there to witness how devastated Frigga had been when Loki had simply disappeared from their lives. 

“I need you to sit down for this,” Thor continued, 

“Thor, you’re my son and you know that I love you, but unless this is absolutely necessary I would rather-“ 

Thor almost said ‘But it’s Loki’ out loud before he stopped himself. What did he expect, he couldn’t simply blurt out that Loki was a drug addict who relapsed over the phone and he couldn’t really afford to reveal anything else except that he’d found Loki. _Fucking brilliant_ he thought to himself. He’d woken up his mother, who lived a couple thousand miles away in the middle of the night, because he had been upset, and the worst part was that it was too late reverse his actions. 

“I’m fine, it’s actually all fine, never mind, it was a friend but he’s fine now,” Thor allowed himself to cover the speaker with the palm of his hand and take three deep breaths before he let it near his mouth again. 

“Thor, are you really okay ? Is your friend okay ?” Even though his instincts screamed for him to say ’no, I’m really not,’ he forced himself to swallow it down and repress the abundance of emotions he’d been feeling. 

“Sorry for waking you up, I know it’s late there and-“ 

“Thor, you don’t need to apologize for waking me up. Is everything really fine ?” It was excruciatingly hard to lie to Frigga, especially given that lying wasn’t his expertise, _perhaps I’m learning a thing or two_ he thought, growing up with Loki had its perks after all. Loki would undoubtedly could have crafted a more placating of a scenario compared to Thor’s ‘no I’m really fine, I just called at four am for whatever’, but Thor was doing the best he could with what he was dealt with. 

“We’re- I’m, I’m looking forward to seeing you in Easter.” Thor held his breath to see if Frigga would press on about his slip up, but Frigga solidified his presumptions that she was absolutely perfect once again by not questioning Thor. 

“Okay Thor, I’m looking forward to seeing you too. Are you sure that there’s nothing else you want to tell me ?” Thor’s vocal cords felt as if they were tangled up, like he’s trying to swallow around a knot that’s suddenly formed in his throat constricting his voice, making it come out all raspy and ragged before he answered “Me too, mother.” And hung up promptly. 

He wanted to punch himself for calling Frigga in the first place, because all he had succeeded doing so far was to panic their mother who was still miles away, not even managing to mention to actual problem let alone acquire a solution for it, and now thanks to his insecurity and poor decision making, she was possibly agitated and worried. The whole scenario felt so wrong and Thor almost couldn’t believe that this had become his life where a month ago his biggest worry had been having a business meeting about tying down the percentages on sponsorship. 

Dreading what he would find or dare he thought what he wouldn’t, he slowly creaked the door open leading his way to the living room where he’d left Loki. He felt relief flood him the second he saw Loki was still present, down into himself on his couch, but he was still _there._ Except, he had a bag packed sitting next to him as he was huddled in a corner. 

“What the fuck is that ?” Thor asked pointing to the backpack that Loki had brought in when he had first set foot into Thor’s flat. Thor had been hoping to never see it again. Loki appeared confused for a second before he caught up “Oh, well, I packed up while you had a chit-chat, and I actually have some stuff in your bedroom I wanted to get, but-“ 

“Stop, what ? Why would you be packing ?” the part where Thor wished to say ‘I was talking to our mother’ fell silent against his lips when he wanted to say it out loud, and Thor didn’t allow Loki to answer his inquiries, not before he made himself sat next to Loki on his worn out couch and planted a presumably elongated, sloppy kiss on his cheek for as long as he had to pull back for a breath of air. 

“Don’t leave, please,” He managed in between kisses that were dangerously sliding closer to Loki’s tightly drawn lips, “You don’t want me to leave ?” Loki asked, placing a resisting hand on Thor’s chest, who was trying to shift the duffel bag in sat between them. “No, Loki, I-“ Thor stopped talking for a second to breathe cause he was close to panting and Loki’s hand on his chest against his fluttering heart beat seemed to spike it up against the warm touch through the soft fabric. 

“Please stay,” Thor said while he gave up with Loki’s packed duffel bag and tried with is best efforts to push it off the couch to shift closer to Loki and suddenly it turned out to be meaningless cause Loki was kissing him with both hands grasping Thor’s face pulling him closer as Thor started responding, kissing Loki as deep as he could, sucking his tongue into his mouth and running his hands up and down Loki’s sides, pulling him closer until their bodies were flush against one another’s, Loki sliding his hands from across his face to entangle his fingers in his hair where he just tightened his grip as if he was never going to let go, so Thor shifted on the couch until he was lying down with Loki on top of him still sucking Loki’s bottom lip into his mouth while Loki’s hands left his hair to run across his face and then down to his sides then back up to cradle his face, as he let go of all inhibition and let his touch roam across Loki’s back, working through all the lithe muscle left, kneading Loki’s shoulders as he let out a soft moan into Thor’s mouth as he allowed his hands to knead the knots between Loki’s shoulder blades, moving down to the dip of his spine, and halting himself as Loki progressed to kissing his neck and sucking on the juncture right on his clavicle. He kept rubbing soothing circles on Loki’s lower back before he spoke, 

“Loki… Loki !” he squeezed Loki’s flanks hard enough to gather his attention back to himself. Loki had stopped kissing him and he had pulled back and was effectively straddling Thor, his attentive gaze focused all on Thor, and Thor forgot what he meant to say for a moment. 

“You want to stay, right ?” Thor asked perilously, running his thumb across Loki’s cheekbone, hoping that Loki really, truly did want to remain with him and that his erection poking Loki’s thigh wouldn’t be of concern, or the fact that Loki didn’t seem to be even slightly aroused. However, Loki seemed to be glowing despite their debauched state, and Thor had to remind himself that he wasn’t actually the one was in need of a therapist. 

“No, Thor, I wouldn’t dream of leaving unless you asked me to,” Loki said, and promptly went back to his task of leaving a hickey on Thor’s neck. Thor however was worried a number of things, but his erection he’d been avoiding, had won the battle, especially when Loki sneaked his crafty hand down his boxers to wrap around the base. Thor had fantasized about this happening ever since him and Loki had ended up tangled in the sheets when they were anything but children, and now that Loki actually had his nimble fingers wrapped around his dick, he didn’t know how to react and he couldn’t help but the tiny gasp that escaped him when those knowing fingers stopped squeezing the shaft and started a rhthym. Loki stroked him languidly, not quite in the manner he treated himself -fast and rough- but it was enough that it was actually Loki’s hand that was pulling back the foreskin to reveal the head, sliding his thumb across the slit with a twist that Thor actually applied to himself, and Loki brought his other hand to fondle his balls, rolling them in his palm and tugging and Thor was coming, copious amounts of semen streaking his own stomach and Loki’s hand. Then he felt Loki shift against him, moving down his chest, and he was licking the streak of come Thor had left before Thor brought his hand up to Loki’s jaw, pulling him away from his stomach. “Loki, you don’t, I- what are you doing ?” Loki looked at him with his huge fallible eyes and said, 

“Cleaning up your mess as always, _brother_ ,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't even have any excuses except that real life's a bitch. And I'm thankful for anyone still sticking with this story, I love you all.


	15. Chapter 15

Thor stopped dead in his tracks, forcing all of the remnants of his mental strength to focus on the single word uttered between Loki’s lips before promptly sitting back on his heels, putting a safe distance between his person and Loki, eyeing him with a speculative look. 

“What ?” Thor asked, so softly that it would have passed unheard if the only sounds filling up their space weren’t Loki’s shallow breathing and the subtle wind that wheezed around the apartment. He realized that deep down he wanted Loki to be both sincere and deceitful in equal parts. Having Loki actually remember and accept him as his brother would be undoubtedly astounding yet inevitably bring up countless questions he wasn’t sure he was ready to answer; but the idea of Loki simply mimicking his genuine term of endearment for Loki against him in order to entertain Thor would prove to be just as miserable, if not more so. Even though Thor had long since had gained the ability to discipline his features towards more of a neutral mask - Odin’s schooling during his teenage years indisputably having affected him: _’You will be in charge of multi-million clients some day, you can’t afford emotions boy,’_.- Indubitably Thor was still currently discovering why and how Odin and Loki -even in their young age- clashed so often when it came to the future of Odin’s empire. It hadn’t made much sense back then, he never did question Odin’s preferred ways of parenting and motives, not in the way Loki had and apparently the way it counted. It was depressing for Thor to catch up so long after; too little, too late. He didn’t ever want his relationship with Odin to reflect upon his relationship with Loki, those were meant to be distinctly kept separate, especially now that he had the time and clarity to think about it in depth. His brother always held more foresight than he ever could; it was much more easier to accept simple truths such as that, having left the petty grudges of childhood behind. Thor only wished he could have had half the emotional insight Loki had possessed back then, though he considered himself lucky that he understood a fragment of it now. 

Loki’s soft cough broke the silence as it did well to reacquire Thor’s frame of mind back to the present. Despite the physical distance Thor had managed to forge in between them, Loki’s gaze permeated through his when Loki raised his chin to lock eyes with Thor as he spoke for the first time after calling Thor ‘brother’. 

“Isn’t this your field of play ?” Loki asked, sounding slightly exhasparated running his hand through his slightly mussed up locks. “The whole _brother_ schtick ?” his voice was full of apathy, extinguishing every flare of passion Thor had felt a moment ago. He hung his head low in defeat, blonde hair framing his face like a cascade of golden waterfall, already convinced that it had been one of Loki’s ploys to mess with his head; just like he’d loved to do in their past. Turned out his inherent nature had persevered through all - the irony of it made him want to laugh, but he didn’t felt like he had the strength in him-. He was ready to get up and leave; not wanting to deal with another arcane speech by this new Loki, give Bruce another call perhaps, just get away before Loki spoke again as he was openly coming down from another high. “You are that desperate,” Loki’s suddenly bitter tone sliced through his fragile resolve like shards upon exposed flesh and Thor cursed himself for not feeling the pain but the faint sparkle of hope in the pit of his stomach, so eagerly doused in oil to be rekindled, feeble hope that still latched onto him, clawing its way into his gut. So it was still a mystery, a gamble whether or not Loki was actually laying odds; the only truth Thor had was that Loki wasn’t willing to lay his cards on the table, forcing Thor and willing to wheedle him into laying out his. He didn’t dare move, not even an inch; head still hung low, fingers grasping the wrung out edges of his couch. Loki, observant as always, took notice of Thor’s diminutive motions, keenly picking up on Thor’s agitated state and his failed attempt to veil it. 

“I do remember,” Loki continued when he remained silent, Thor’s head perking up at the confession, honest as any he would coax out of Loki. His own mind filled up with numerous questions: _how much, how far long, how-_ … As If he’d picked up on Thor’s trail of thought, Loki scoffed. “Oh don’t flatter yourself, I have not yet regained the oh-so fond memories of our childhood you presume I should acquire,” 

Yet Thor couldn’t help but replace the nonbelligerent look off of his features with hopeful longing, even the remnants of their entwined past would do, he wasn’t picky at the moment, willing to take whatever Loki was willing to share, even if it turned out below his standards he held for their foreseeable future. 

“How much ?” Thor picked the most important one off the list, surprised to find out that his own voice came out shaking with trepidation, bracing himself for Loki to blemish any hope he withheld. He realized that he didn’t exactly qualify for a confidant, not in their current state, but he couldn’t dare let go of the flimsy thread of something he couldn’t grasp the depth of, something much grander. 

“Not much,” Loki appeased, “It’s like deja vu at most times, I can’t… I can’t tell if I’m honestly remembering it or if it’s just a _feeling_ ,” Loki supplied, hugging his knees back to himself as his breathing slowly returned back to regular. “It’s as if-“ He made a dismissive gesture with his right hand, “I don’t recall you ever being my brother,” he said in a contemplative tone, and Thor’s heart almost shattered once again, but he was as persistent as they came, determined to draw as much information as he could, so he kept holding his breath as Loki kept sharing, “However I do remember… _fragments_ I guess you could call them, things _you_ do, did, before you-“ _found me while I was whoring myself in the streets_ went unsaid. “It’s really nonsensical things as well,” Loki continued, “You, cooking,” Thor wanted to cut in, wanted to remind Loki how he was always the one who fixed them snacks once they arrived home after school but Loki went on, “And your ludicrous snoring,” Thor almost raised his voice to argue but Loki chuckled to himself and it somehow rendered him silent. “I’ve been with so many people, but I still -please, stop with that look, you _are_ paying for my time- but yes, you snore in the most peculiar way; it’s not loud enough to keep me awake but deep enough to make your presence known.” They had perhaps spent less than a handful of times in the same bed since their little arrangement, Loki mostly preferring to sleep on his couch when Thor took the bed, and vice versa, so Thor was surprised that Loki had his snoring patterns noted. Then all of a sudden Loki stretched his arms high above his head and arched his back like a feline before settling against the opposite edge of the couch, hugging his knees and burying his chin between them, falling silent once more. 

The information revealed was a lot for Thor to take in, Loki being genuine was not something Thor had been used to, as it had always been the way when Loki had been concerned. Something in Loki’s words that went unmentioned held his attention, the fact that Loki had said nothing of their un-brotherly relationship still ate away at him; he still needed to know if Loki was simply playing along just for Thor’s sake. _Does it matter ?_ a small voice in his own head whispers to him, and Thor had to relent, because it should not have mattered, not in the slightest, because Loki was and always would be his brother, so what they’ve been up to behind closed doors of his apartment would still be unacceptable no matter what Loki thought of it. It wouldn’t matter if Loki was okay with it, it was him that should have been not okay with it. Thor sighed for all that he had been told, and carded his fingers through his mane before leaning forward towards Loki for only to have himself repeat the motion on Loki. He didn’t care for the way Loki flinched upon contact when he brought his hand upon Loki’s head, or how his hair felt so much softer compared to when he had been first privy to the opportunity while giving him a bath. It had been no secret during their childhood even though Loki didn’t remember; Thor had always possessed the glowing blonde mane that had people asking him for hair care tips, where he himself had been obsessed with his brother’s lustrous black locks. He let his hand soothe Loki’s unruly curls that only showed themselves when his hair was left unattended before settling against the nape of Loki’s neck and tilting it upwards, forcing him to meet his eyes. He felt Loki receding back into his shell, reconstructing the walls around himself, and he simply couldn’t have that, not after having Loki share what he truly was going through. Feeling compelled to act before Loki could withdraw himself completely, he acted. 

“What of this then ?” he asked, his voice tight with emotion, descending down on Loki before he had a chance to ask of what, for Thor had no true desire to hear whatever excuse Loki would come up with, planting a soft kiss on the edge of Loki’s lips before he could stop himself. It felt as a second nature to him, to sheath and to protect the ones he loved; and there was no other he loved more fiercely than Loki especially after finding him to make up years of lost time. Yet he also felt the guilt weigh heavily down on himself, he was to regard Loki as his brother first and foremost for Loki’s sanity; it was embarrassing enough that he seemed to need constant reminder of that whenever they were left alone, which had been almost all the time Loki wasn’t surrounded by doctors and psychiatrists.. There needed to be solid metaphorical barriers between them, and Thor would admit that he had done somewhat of a lousy job of providing that for Loki. He was just thinking of that when Loki suddenly placed his hands on his chest and pushed him backwards before advancing on him towards all fours, burying his face in the crook of his neck, prompting Thor to wrap an arm around his waist instinctively to pull him even closer. 

“Let me sleep with you tonight,” Loki whispered against his ear, tilting his head upwards. 

“What ?” It wasn’t the reaction Thor expected after all Loki had spilled, but then again, he never knew what to really expect with Loki, it just took him a minute to fully progress what Loki had said. 

“You want me to stay, so let me.” Loki shifted back to cradle Thor’s face to get him to look Loki straight in the eye. “Let me sleep next to you,” Thor found himself searching Loki’s face for any signs of mockery, but Loki was laid bare across him, his expression raw and vulnerable, something akin to fear of rejection behind his gaze. It was a sight unfamiliar to Thor, for who could ever refuse Loki such a request ? So he leaned forward and placed another fragile peck on the edge of Loki’s mouth, and stood up, lending a hand for Loki which was gratefully taken as Loki pulled himself up to his height, fingers entwining with Thor’s. 

“Make yourself comfortable.” Thor said with a tight smile, words almost not making themselves past the knot formed in his throat. Loki seemed to take in the hospitality in full fledge, sauntering towards Thor’s bedroom, swaying his hips and making a spectacle of it. 

Thor wanted to take a shower, mostly to clear his mind as much as he could, whether or not it held a greater freudian meaning, he would leave to Natasha; but he made sure to assure Loki that he would return before Loki would fall asleep as Loki lounged himself on his widespread bedsheets, regarding him with half hooded eyes before curling in on himself on his side and wringing an arm around Thor’s pillow, pulling it close to his torso. 

He was glad he didn’t have to undress in the vicinity of his brother, because he wasn’t sure he would be able control his urges if he kept feeling those attenuating eyes burning on the back of his neck, or in other places he did not dare his mind to wander to. So he let himself revel in the spring of water the shower offered after scrubbing himself thrice all over, even he despised himself for it, he knew it to be necessary especially since Loki had asked to share his bed for the first time. He brought his hand down to his half hard cock, bracing the other one against the tiles. He brought himself to full hardness in languid strokes, pulling down the foreskin and gasping hot puffs of air as he continued his strokes, imagining Loki with him in the shower, and suddenly he was coming, copious amounts of semen striking his hand and abdomen as well as the tiles. He spent another ten minutes until he deemed himself fully clean, rid of any evidence that he was lusting after Loki before he stepped out and clad himself in a towel. 

The sight he walked upon filled his heart with endearment; Loki was fast asleep, having passed his threshold onto Thor’s side even in the huge bed, his drool cooling on Thor’s pillow while Loki’s arm clutched it tightly to his chest. It warmed his heart that after all these years Loki still sought comfort in his scent. 

Thor let go of the towel and donned himself in a pair of clean boxers that he had put out on the edge of his bed, before sliding under the sheer covers right next to Loki, folding his arm to pillow his head since Loki had his, reminding himself to be mindful of his snoring, just as Loki made an indignant noise and let his arm drape over Thor’s torso still holding Thor’s pillow in between them. Thor repressed his urge to laugh and gently prodded the pillow that Loki held so dear to his heart until it was out of his grasp and underneath Thor’s head, leaving Loki’s arm to flail slightly in reach of something solid which Thor was more than glad to provide, as he pulled Loki closer to his frame and Loki ceased his restlessness once he finally gripped Thor’s solid form. Thor feigned sleep as Loki buried his face in the crook of his neck once more, abandoning him to his own thoughts as Loki’s breath evened out against his pulse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An update in less than a decade, fascinating. Those of you who are still following this, *I have no words*   
> I'm so floored by your comments and kudos and all that. I might as well spoil you, I've got the ending figured out (it will be happy one cause as I've said in the tags, I'm a sucker for happy endings) aaaand for those of you who've been asking, yes. yes, Steve will play a role in this. (spoiler alert ?) 
> 
> Anyway, bless you all for sticking up with me <3


	16. Chapter 16

A week did not pass by as easily as Thor would have liked, especially when he felt a strong need to keep Loki constantly present by his side, under his watchful eye; in his apartment. It was a thursday when Sif finally called him as to why he had been a no show at work. Up until that particular phone call, Thor thought their relationship had been unperturbed, granted he hand’t dared to take Loki outside to socialize with his close circle of friends and felt terrible for it; it just felt as if he was subbing as another customer of Loki’s, being careful not to let him out of his sight and acting as if he owned Loki. His possessive streak reached its peak when Loki’s pimp had shown up at his doorstep. 

***

_It had been the insistent knocking on his door that had Thor stirring from his sleep. He had no idea what it could be about, unless it was a representative of his parents’, notifying him of an untimely death or Fandral perhaps too drunk to make it to his own place and just needing a couch to crash on._

_So it had been quite a surprise for Thor to see the guy he’d haggled for Loki what felt like ages ago. He’d felt a number of emotions course through him involuntarily; surprise, anger and confusion and surprise again pulling the lead._

_“What do you want ?” Thor’d asked, putting in much more effort into his stance to come off as intimidating - not that he really needed much since he already had his frame working in his favor - yet the person standing against him did not even twitch._

_“You took in one of my clients,” The man had replied casually, simple as that, as if Loki had been nothing more than a client to him, some object he had made money out off as if means to an end, which was sadly a fact. He’d also had the audacity to place his hand on Thor’s shoulder; a fact that had Thor’s blood boiling. Thor hadn’t even flinched upon the accusation; he would stand by Loki and his decision against any obstacle thrown his way, Loki’s pimp had been no exception. Thor had smiled a crazy, toothy smile back then, flexing his shoulders and raising his eyebrows when the guy made no move to remove his hand,_

_“Forget about him and I will forget about you.” He’d forced his tone to come out rougher, as he had no intention of letting Loki go, especially back to this guy._

_The man had changed his stance instantaneously, relaxing his posture and still daring to leave his hand on Thor’s shoulder._

_“Look, I know first hand that he can be enticing; he certainly has a tongue on him and those noises he makes-“ Thor had been so disgusted to even think about the implications this person had been insinuating, and the worst part of it had been where he couldn’t pinpoint the source of his anger; it was a close call between not wanting someone to talk about his brother that way and not simply wanting anyone to touch Loki that way._

_“Shut up.” Was all he had said. Thor’d removed the guy’s hand from his shoulder and taken a step back, not in surrender, but in warning. He’d dared to grab the man by his collar and pull him close to his face, had his feet dangling just a couple inches from the ground - it had been thoroughly satisfying - “You forget about Loki and you forget about him now. I’m not above letting my anger get the best of me, I’m really not,” he’d made his point clear by jostling him, “You let go of him, and I let go of you…Who’s gonna come looking for you if I break your neck right here ?” he’d added for good measure, even though they’d been empty threats._

_The guy had left his apartment in a hurry, repeatedly assuring Thor that he had nothing to worry about, and whereas Thor had known that deep inside, he’d been wobbly at the knees after the encounter with Loki’s pimp; for Thor’d been prepared to punch a guy in the jaw, but hadn’t been prepared for what was to follow._

_Loki had peeked his head through Thor’s bedroom to ask about the disturbance once the guy had left and Thor had lied to Loki, telling it had been a door to door salesman that Thor simply hand’t been interested in. If Loki hadn’t questioned what a door to door salesman had been up to at three am, Thor hadn’t been to one to poke it._

__

Loki took to sleeping with him after that one time Thor allowed it to happen, not that he’d been actively trying to prevent it but since then it was like an unspoken agreement that passed between them; Loki would sneak his way into Thor’s bedroom and sprawl his limbs all over Thor’s bed before subtly fitting himself against Thor’s frame and Thor would spend no time adjusting himself to the apparently new setting; Loki curling against him as he dozed off to sleep, comforting warmth of Loki against him. It felt as if Loki was testing Thor’s resolve, which wasn’t that strong to begin with. He wouldn’t make the first move -more than he’d had already- especially given Loki’s history; the last thing Thor wanted to appear as was a regular customer to Loki, since he had no intentions of letting him out of sight soon. 

He woke up to an empty space beside beside him, flinging his arm uselessly across the empty space next to him where Loki should have been. He was slightly disappointed, but more so, alarmed that Loki wasn’t there, drooling on his bedding. He perked up at the sound of plates clattering, running his hand through his face before fetching his phone from the nightstand. A quick scroll informed him that it was sunday, which meant he was at the end of his free time with Loki and he was expected to show up at work the following day. He put down his phone, not wanting reality breaching into the world he had built up during the past week with Loki. He forced himself to get out of his bed, groaning at his morning erection tenting his boxers. 

He took care of himself in the shower with short and effective motions, and if images of Loki came up during it; he tried his best to make not making anything out of it. He dressed himself in sweat pants and a t-shirt before stepping out of his bedroom to finally see what all the noise was all about. 

Thor would have had his eyes welling up if he’d let himself slip for a moment; Loki was sitting down at his table, not meeting his gaze while a faint blush tainted his cheeks - Thor thought it was the most adorable thing he saw - next to carefully laid out cutlery and plates which Thor didn’t know how Loki had found them, as well as a stack of wonderful smelling pancakes. Thor whiffed in the smell before making a mental note for himself to ask Loki how he’d managed to get the particular scent on the pancakes. Thor suddenly decided that shy was a good look for Loki who was standing up when Thor showed up and biting down on his lip, 

“I took the liberty of cooking up breakfast,” He said. “I hope it’s okay.” 

“If they taste half as good as they smell, you’ve just cornered yourself into a world of cooking.” Thor teased, and seeing Loki relax, even if momentarily, meant much more than he was willing to admit. He padded towards where Loki had been standing and motioned for him to sit down, which Loki did promptly once Thor pulled a chair for himself. He dug into the pancakes with a gusto that he couldn’t have faked even if he wanted to; they were truly delicious. Loki watched him with slightly raised eyebrows accompanied by a look of amusement glinting in his eyes as Thor devoured what Loki prepared. 

“I have an appointment today,” Loki said as Thor kept stuffing his face with Loki’s astoundingly well prepared pancakes, sounding nonchalant. 

“I know, with Natasha,” Thor swallowed down his mouthful and brought his gaze back to Loki’s, to reassure that he was indeed on track with Loki’s schedule. 

“I thought I could take you, after breakfast,” Thor made a point of his statement by shoving in another forkful to his mouth. Perhaps It wasn’t the best way to assure Loki, but it was all he had before he was complied to fall back into his working schedule that wouldn’t allow him as much time with Loki, so he took what he can while he could. 

“Oh.” Loki’s tone pitched somewhere between disappointed and contemplating. 

Thor’s face fell instantaneously , did Loki not want him present ? He couldn’t figure out the exact dynamic he had with Loki, part of him screamed for to take on the role of the protective brother and to protect Loki from all else, and the other half of him was unreasonably jealous just by the thought of Loki sharing something with another person that was not him. 

“Thor, no,” Loki was saying when Thor pulled himself back and looked Loki straight in the eye, daring him to refuse him his company. 

“No what ?” He asked dumbly, 

“No, as in I can _hear_ the gears turning up in there,” Loki tapped the side of his head, right next to his temple and Thor felt himself drawing back at the wry smile Loki supported. 

“I just don’t want you to get overwhelmed.” He’d meant it as well, he didn’t want Loki compromising instead of himself where he was able and willing. 

They both knew It was a lie as soon as the words left Thor’s lips.,

“Overwhelmed with _what_ ? Thor, please, I’m fine, just-“ 

“I’ll take you to your appointment.” Thor said finally. Loki looked like he might argue further, but after opening and closing his mouth, he’d finally settled back in his chair, before he got up. 

“Fine. Fine- I’ll, I’ll get dressed.” 

***

Natasha’s office was as terrifying as Loki remembered it to be, as well as Natasha herself. She poised herself behind her desk, gesturing for Loki to take a seat on the couch beside her desk as she readied her notepad. Notable amount of silence passed before either of them spoke up before Loki felt compelled to break the silence. 

“You know what I do for a living,” He said, once again feeling obligated to bare his feelings raw to Natasha. 

“I do,” she said, turning her pen expertly between her fingers. “Doesn’t really change anything, but go on,” 

“It’s possible I’ve made a miscalculation,” Loki continued, not really knowing how to breach the subject, wringing his hands in his lap. 

“Care to elaborate ?” 

“I- Feelings, I have- I think I have, feelings,” 

“Don’t strain yourself,” Natasha smiled, not unkindly, but it still had Loki hesitating. 

“You have feelings for one of your clients,” and suddenly she was right next to him, carefully seated besides him. “Loki it’s nothing to be embarrassed about,” 

Loki felt an uninvited blush creeping up his face anyway. 

“Come on, open up,” Natasha prodded. 

“I- he-“ Loki inhaled deeply, “I don’t want this,” Loki clarified. 

“Why ?” 

“Because,” _he thinks of me as his brother,_ “it’s not appropriate,” Loki gritted out. 

“Because he’s your client or because you don’t feel as if you deserve to feel the way that you do ?” Loki hated Natasha for asking the right questions as well as respecting her for it. 

“It’s not that he’s a client, it’s,” Loki made a desperate sound in the back of his throat. 

“What does Thor think ?” Natasha asked softly as Loki sucked in a deep breath. 

“Loki, I- I’ve known,” She tried to placate him in a lost attempt, because Loki had already gotten to his feet, panting harshly. 

“What is this ?” he asked. “Is this some sort of- sort of _game_ that you’re both in on, because I-“ 

“Loki, _Loki !_ please. I’m not judging you, I’ve known for a long time. Please sit down.” Loki sat down. With his head between his hands. 

“I don’t want to feel this way” he said with the smallest voice possible, whispering it into his palms. He felt Natasha’s hand upon his shoulder, grounding him. 

“Loki, we aren’t responsible of what we feel,” She continued, kneading his shoulder comfortingly. 

“I kissed him,” Loki choked out miserably. “I kissed Thor.” He didn’t see how hiding it would benefit his case and admitting it felt somewhat liberating. 

“And how did it feel ?” 

“Good,” Loki was being honest; walls brought down, “He kept telling me it was good and I- I felt good-“ 

“You crave praise,” Natasha said as if she had discovered the formula that would win her the nobel prize. Loki made a nonchalant sound neither conforming her or not. 

“It makes sense,” She continued “You feel the need to acquire praise for what you do,” Natasha petted his shoulder before standing up. 

“We have made much progress Loki, and I’m grateful for that.” 

“But ?” Loki probed. 

“But,” Natasha smiled gratefully, “I need to talk to your brother for a few moments,” Upon seeing the worried look on Loki’s face, she elaborated, “ _Nothing_ about what we just talked about. I promise you.” 

Loki gave curt nod and made his way towards the waiting room while Natasha greeted Thor with the same enthusiasm. 

Thor looked ashen, stepping out of Natasha’s office.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Had my wisdom tooth extracted today, so I apologize in advance for the chapter might be a bit loopy, since I feel loopy as well.


	17. Chapter 17

Loki refrained from prodding Thor for information on what Natasha spoke to Thor about, but he didn’t miss the way Thor shied away from his touch when they made their way back to Thor’s flat. Once they were both back in the flat, Thor made a beeline for his bedroom and Loki heard the sound of running water, which, okay - sounded reasonable enough for Thor to want to shower, but then he was busy with a call for half an hour, which left Loki to lounge on Thor’s couch, flipping through channels and settling on E!, snorting at horrid red carpet choices. 

It wasn’t until Thor came back out, slumping down on the couch right next to him, so close that their knees were touching, dragging his hands through his face with a groan. 

“What is it ?” Loki couldn’t help but ask. He reached forward towards the carton of cigarettes, sitting lonely on the coffee table. He lit one up under Thor’s concerned-but-bordering-on-judgemental gaze, inhaled and exhaled a steady stream of smoke, fogging up the air between them. Thor seemed to be enamored and disturbed in equal parts by his behavior which really amused Loki. Thor just huffed out a brief laugh before answering, sounding reprimanding. 

“Should you really be smoking now ?” 

“Well it’s not crack,” Loki gave a dazzling toothy grin that covered half of his face, trying for levity. 

“I suppose it’s not.” Thor took one for himself and soon enough his smoke was mingling with Loki’s, that he was perhaps too eager to inhale, making Thor gasp slightly -a fact he was trying to ignore, still unsure of their stance post Thor’s session with Natasha. Loki thought it was time to let go of the safety net he’d been holding onto, clearly whatever Natasha told Thor was enough to send him back reeling, maybe finally making Thor realize that Loki really _was_ a prostitute, and their sliver of shared time together had been nothing but a fantasy of Thor’s that he had played along. 

“When do you want me to leave ?” Loki asked before he could stop himself, cutting straight to the point through the bullshit Thor might have spewed his way, but Thor looked confused once he seemed to register what Loki was asking. 

“Leave ? I- I can pay more I-“ Thor sputtered, stance shifting, sharp waves of pure tenseness emanating from him. Loki took a moment to consider that piece of information. 

“You don’t want me to leave.” Loki said slowly, drawing the conclusion before Thor could babble on further, putting him out of his misery. It wasn’t a question as much as it was a statement.

“No,” Thor said with haste and such genuineness _and_ confusion that Loki almost wanted to smack him. He looked all sorts of miserable, incredible bulk slouched over his shoulders, his gaze looking just miserable enough that Loki wanted to kiss it away, just anything to make Thor feel slightly better than he appeared. It was growing to be increasingly hard to keep his desires at bay, because despite the fact that his clientele varied from fifty year old guys who were in denial to twenty year old somethings who just wanted to experiment, Thor ranked on an entire different level. 

Loki wasn’t blind, Thor was, downright hot. He was muscled in a flattering way, not too much that he looked like one of those guys from WWE, but muscled enough to have him salivating, and then there was the intense eye contact. Whenever Loki felt brave enough to look Thor straight in the eye, Thor held it and took it a step further, which he wasn’t used to. _Then_ there was the fact that Thor regarded him as a part of his family, an aspect that he still wasn’t comfortable with. Thor _felt_ familiar in certain ways; Thor cooking in his kitchen felt familiar, Thor’s steel hard yet warm grip on his forearm felt vaguely familiar, the crinkles at the corner of his eyes when Thor genuinely smiled sending sharp pangs of pain down his gut felt familiar, but none were in a way that Loki could place him as his kin, because Thor awoke feelings that were alien to himself in the first place, he never expected to have feelings for a client - because that was what Thor was; a client who paid him - let alone think about family ties. A client Loki really wanted to make out with. Maybe go even further. He was startled out of his stream of thought process by Thor blowing smoke straight into his face, close to making a duck face. 

“What !” Loki barked out a laugh once he saw Thor’s face was inches away from his with pupils blown wide. 

“ I want you to never leave,” Thor whispered, but it was far too loud in the silence, engulfed by the smoke exhaled by both of them, and Loki wanted to laugh further, it felt like he was in a scene written by Bukowski; it would fit perfectly as well, he could be the junkie and Thor could be the alcoholic chasing after love. 

The moment broke down when Thor drew back and slumped down back to his place, reaching for the remote and switching the channel to a bubblegum lifetime movie about Liz and Dick, and soon enough they were both cringing over Lindsay Lohan’s acting, and by the end of the movie Loki had snuggled close to Thor, resting his head on Thor’s chest feeling Tho’s breath right above his ear, his pulse beating strong and fast against him. He felt his eyelids drooping low, against the soft fabric of Thor’s shirt. 

*** 

Thor was terrified. Terrified on multiple accounts, Loki seemed to be toeing the line of professional conduct between them - not that there had been much of it remaining- , and Thor found himself not caring. There was also the talk he’d had with Natasha, the one where she reprimanded him for not exactly taking advantage -which he was glad for, - but showing concern where even if Loki was his long lost brother, Thor appeared as if he was solely acting on his carnal desires. 

Natasha hadn’t downright called him out on it, even though she had come close, making Thor blush up to his ears, but that’s why he’d agreed to see Natasha in the first place. She had a knack for -for the lack of a better phrase- fucked up situations. That, and the fact that Thor felt comfortable enough to share his thoughts with her, because he wasn’t going to be able to tackle this one by himself. It hadn’t been so much as accusing as he’d imagined it would be, it had leaned more to the concerned side. Reminding him that Loki really wasn’t in a place where he could grant consent, reminding him that if he really thought Loki was his brother, he needed boundaries that were set more solidly. Told him that it was not unnatural to have certain desires, with a grimace on her face - Thor was man enough to own up to it, his urges made himself sick - especially given that Loki possibly instinctually tried to further his advances on him. Thor had kept quiet then, about how he would be mostly okay with that. 

Thor wished he’d had the courage to stand up for his drive, because he didn’t see Loki as a prostitute to be had, he didn’t want to be marked down as the pervert who lusted after his brother; even if that was the case, it reached down much deeper than lusting after his own brother, it was more about finding a lost piece of a puzzle he had longed during most of his life to complete. However he wasn’t an idiot, he had introduced Loki as his brother to Natasha, and the talk that they’d had -Thor rather didn’t go though it again - left an impact. An impact that urged Thor to take a stance regarding his relationship with Loki. Take a stance he would, especially if it meant that it would help Loki get better. 

***

A couple weeks passed by quite unceremoniously, where he made sure to keep an eye on Loki, which basically translated into keeping Loki locked up in his flat without granting him with an extra set of keys. He could tell it drove Loki mad, pent up energy showed itself in the weirdest of ways, especially that one day where he walked in on Loki painting his bedroom a dark navy color. Thor had raised his eyebrows before saying anything and Loki had almost fallen down from the ladder - which Thor had no idea where he’d gotten it from - 

“I can explain,” Loki had said, hands flailing about himself. 

“Uh-huh,” Thor knew he sounded unbelieving and doubtful, because it wasn’t like he walked into someone in mid-painting his room a different color. 

“Why the navy ?” He’d asked, simply out of curiosity. Loki had just shrugged half heartedly. 

“I figured it was your color.” 

“Really.” Thor had deadpanned. 

“Yes really.” Loki had a tone that had been almost accusatory, 

“ _You can’t just keep me here and expect me to do-_ ” Loki had stopped talking once Thor had closed the distance between them, paint brush clattering on the floor. Thor had then realized that Loki’s hands were shaking, possible withdrawal syndrome, Thor had noted, and it had flooded him with sympathy towards Loki. However, it hadn’t stopped him from manhandling Loki to his bed, tucking him in with all the power he could muster.

***

He did his research. Perhaps it was a low blow to use Tony’s personal database, but Tony had granted him full access after two weeks he had started working for Tony, telling him to knock himself out if he ever needed anything. And this particular case certainly called for it. He did a cross search through out the employees thrice, and all results lead him to one single name; Steve Rogers. He was perfect. He was gay, that much Thor was almost certain of, and he had a degree in psychology, doubled with sociology made it all the better. If he could just get Steve to simply talk to Loki, it could be all fine, ground breaking even, for Loki. He realized it sounded terribly like a date, cheesy set-up, yet that was the least of his worries; if Loki felt an attraction towards Steve, it would lessen his worries. Steve was a decent man, they had hung out a handful of times, and Steve had proven himself to be a pretty formidable asset to the company, as well as a decent human being in Thor’s eyes. _Worthy_ he thought. That was it, he was worthy of Loki. Thor would be absolutely fine -not really- if Loki were to end up with him. Better Steve than him anyway. 

He tried to appear as casual as he could while he slid next to Steve during the cafeteria lunch, surprised to see Tony joining them, because Tony never had his lunch in the cafeteria, he was usually a no-show or was downing margaritas in some upscale nearby bar. Thor smiled a genuine smile upon spotting Tony, despite his grander scheme, it was nice to see Tony there. His entire demeanor dropped when Tony raised his brow, his glance flying a mile a second between Steve and himself. _Well._ Thor adored Tony, he really did , but he wasn’t about to back out because Tony apparently had lain a weird claim on Steve. Steve who was doubtless of the dynamics that had been going on between Tony and Thor. Thor, who was unaware that Tony even had an interest in Steve up until this point; perhaps he needed to spend more time engaging ing company gatherings, because Tony was giving him the glare, and even through Thor was pretty sure he could send Tony into a coma with a simple punch, it was still intimidating when Tony Stark gave you _the_ glare. He chose to push his limits. 

“Steve, how’s the girlfriend ?” Thor asked without any preemptive, and it had Tony choking on a piece of lettuce. 

“I’m afraid there’s no girlfriend in the picture.” Steve answered easily with a smile that lit up the entire room. 

Both Thor and Tony beamed at the response, Tony still a bit choked. 

“I have this friend,” Thor advanced, as Tony seemed to choke further on his piece of lettuce, and Thor chuckled, because really, Tony usually didn’t _even_ have salad. 

“I think you two would get along,” Thor continued, and Steve looked flustered all of a sudden, hands gripping his utensils a bit more tightly than necessary. 

“Oh ?” 

“Really Thor ? Is this the best place to set up a date ?” Tony said, and winced once he realized he’d forced himself into a corner. Thor grinned, all teeth and charm. 

“No, I suppose it’s not,” He turned to Steve, who looked just as flustered as he did a couple moments ago, “I would be glad if you were to meet him friday, at eight, at Hannah’s.” He said. Hannah’s was a place a little far off their workplace, they’d had lunch meetings there for countless times, and it was pointless to argue that Hannah’s had the best dishes. 

Tony choked on his third piece of lettuce, which had Thor smirking once again, but his attention was focused on Steve. 

“Y-yeah. Sure. Sounds perfect.” Steve said, and Thor beamed once again as he watched Steve leave the cafeteria. 

They both waited till the cafeteria was almost cleared out until there was the two of them left, 

“What the fuck Thor ?!” Tony playfully punched him on the arm, sliding next to him, 

“Rogers is off limits, even to you, which by the way, good taste, but still,” 

“Tony,” Thor cut in, “It’s not like that,”

“Not like that ?! _So it’s not a date ?_ Not like _that_ ?! Well excuse me buddy but it sounded _exactly_ like that, in fact if _I_ were to ask him on a date, I would have-” 

“Tony,” Thor growled, which finally made Tony silent. He made a flippant gesture with his hands to prompt Thor to continue. 

“He had a degree in psychology, _and_ sociology,” Thor offered, 

“Damn, if I had known double majors were your kink Odinson,” Tony snapped. 

“It’s for my brother,” Thor gritted out through clenched teeth. He had great tolerance for Tony, he just wished Tony was more accommodating. 

“Oh.” Tony said, deflating immediately, shoulders slouching inwards, and he suddenly looked sad, grimacing at his cup of cafeteria pudding. It was such an odd sight; Tony Stark, grimacing at his table d'hôte, and then turned his gaze towards Thor,

“So you just want him to talk to your - your brother.” 

“Pretty much.” Thor gritted out, not willing to delve further into the subject. 

“No further implications.” Tony repeated dully.

“Nope. No further implications.” Thor paused. “He’s all yours.” Thor winked at Tony as he got up from his chair and left for his office, leaving a rapidly blinking Tony behind. He had bigger things on his mind though, things such as the date he had inadvertently set up, and the implications that would inevitably lead up to. It would be fine. Thor had to believe so, Steve would get an accurate profiling of Loki, and Thor would be finally able to read Loki as Loki read himself like an open book. Then Steve would be up for grabs, and Tony would be able to do whatever he wanted to do with him… It was perhaps a low blow to take advantage of Steve in the way that he did, but he couldn’t afford to let an opportunity such as this pass by. He would just hope for the best given that he had just set up a date between his brother and Steve. He just truly hoped it would go well. It had to, because Steve was well versed in psychology and sociology right ? It would be casual, he would be able to convince Loki to go on an dinner with a complete stranger, who would be willing to talk to him about his issues that he had trouble speaking about. 

The more Thor thought about it, the more he convinced himself that it was the most terrible idea of a decade. Loki was paranoid even with him, there was no way he would agree to meet with Steve, let alone talk about what was troubling him. He had to make sure that this would go through. Make sure that Loki would follow through, agree to meet Steve. 

He stepped into his own flat with trepidation, because _would_ Loki agree to his plan ?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the get well wishes, I love all of you guys. As predicted as it is by now, I am sorry for the late update, but I'm amazed by the comments and the support like, holy hell, you people are amazing. Your comments are what Thor's heat is to Loki's fluttering heart. Also, we're finally getting close to smut you guys. Lmao, I know it's long overdue, but it will be worth it.


	19. Chapter 19

Thor realized he was way in over his head once he entertained the idea of confronting Loki with the lunch he’d set up with Steve. It had been a rough day for both of them; Thor had been searching for an opening to plug in the idea of a lunch date with a stranger, while Loki had been nervous about his check-up with Bruce. Thor couldn’t exactly understand why the check-ups made Loki so nervous, even if he had an inkling - as far as Thor knew, Loki hadn’t been back to using - if their week of Loki sweating and waking up with night terrors, shivering had been anything to go by. Yet, Thor had kept his vigilance, trying to make sure Loki wasn’t back to his regular free time hobby. 

The trip to Bruce’s clinic was going as smoothly as it could; given Loki was jittery and Thor gripped the steering wheel a bit too tight. Thor parked the car and gave Loki a detailed once-over which Loki responded with a raised eyebrow as if to ask Thor what the problem was. 

“Nothing,” Thor said before he could actually control his brain to mouth filter. 

“Okay.” Loki looked as if he’s been defeated before he’d gotten a chance to fight which broke his heart, but then again he was running on nothing. 

“I mean it’s fine. For you to be nervous.” Thor shrugged. “It’s normal.” He smiled and if he felt Loki relax a fraction, he didn’t mention it. 

Once they finally walked into Bruce’s office, Bruce started talking to them while they were both present in the room, for once not asking Thor to leave them alone which Thor took as a slight victory. Loki blushed and somewhat shied when Thor couldn’t help but mention the night horrid terrors Loki had been experiencing, because they’d been concerning to him, and Loki’s embarrassment was a price he was willing to pay on his behalf if it meant that Bruce had more information on Loki’s progress. He felt Loki physically relax against his side once again when Bruce told them it was anything but natural; expected even, in this stage of cleansing. Then he went off to retrieve a bottle of pills; _’Naltrexone’_ he said. ‘It’s proven to be successful in the past. It’ll block off his receptors,’ then he reverted back to simple english when Thor looked absolutely dumbfounded, _’It’ll stop him feeling pleasure from drugs’_ he said, along with listing the side effects, which, apparently was nothing new to what Loki wasn’t experiencing already, so it hadn’t been a hard decision, especially when Loki looked eager to try it as well. 

So that’s how they ended up on Thor’s dusty old couch once again, with Thor being no closer to knowing what to say once Loki appeared seemingly relaxed, casually watching whatever movie was on. Thor didn’t know how to break into the fact that he needed Loki to go on a lunch with a friend of his from work, never mind that the particular friend was a pro at profiling people. He was thinking about personal space and boundaries and how perhaps if he should follow a more stern approach when he realized that Loki was nuzzling his face into Thor’s armpit and that he practically had his arm wrapped around Loki’s fragile frame. Thor sighed and just carded his fingers through Loki’s hair, holding himself back from pulling Loki up further to plant a kiss on his face. He didn’t really believe in God, but he sure did silently prayed to one for Loki’s well being. Loki looked at least ten years younger with half of his face buried between Thor’s chest and arm while he was dozing off. It was almost as if he had an epiphany just right there; he would put himself in between Loki and harm’s way, whether it be some random person who wanted to hurt Loki, some karmic force, or just Loki’s own demons willing to rile up a battle; he would rather get himself flayed before a single strand of hair on Loki’s head be hurt. 

***

Thor came to with a heavy weight on his chest. Registering that the weight was actually literal, he blinked a couple times before his eyes finally focused and he had an eyeful of Loki, sprawled all over his person; an arm over his shoulder, chests pressing against one another, and Loki’s face pressed against his neck. There was no possible way of detaching Loki without waking him up, so Thor willed himself to drift back to sleep as Loki made a disgruntled noise against his neck before trying to bury his face even further against Thor’s skin. 

The next time Thor woke up, Loki was gone and he couldn’t help the surge of panic rise, before he heard the familiar clatter of plates coming from the direction of the kitchen. He needed a shower, and possibly a back rub he thought faintly as he winced and rolled his shoulders, all the sore muscle not used to falling asleep on the couch screaming at him. He padded towards the kitchen to walk into one of the most endearing views; Loki had the table set up with mismatching cutlery and plates which Thor couldn’t blame him for, especially not with a streak of what he suspected to be pancake batter across his cheek while Loki looked all agitated and was glaring at the burner like it had offended him personally. 

“You need to hold it for a while,” Loki startled and then promptly looked like a deer caught in headlights and Thor offered a sheepish smirk. He suddenly realized it was now or never, because he’d practically agreed to meet with Steve -booked reservations including Loki- for the following night. Playing it off as nonchalantly as possible seemed like the best course of action to Thor, so he tried to go along with that. 

“I have dinner plans for tomorrow,” Thor winced as the words left him, because that was one of the worst ways of easing Loki into the situation. 

“Okay.” Loki looked nonplussed, flipping a pancake with finesse, managing to land it flatly against the pan. 

“I’d be really happy if you came as well,” Thor tried, and prayed inwardly that Loki would magically agree with no questions asked. It did not happen. 

“Oh ?” Loki’s tone sounded innocent enough but Thor knew better, having known Loki for the first fifteen years of his life, and the following months upon their reunion. He could practically _see_ the wheels turning in Loki’s mind. 

“It’s no big deal,” he quickly added because that would appease Loki, “Just grabbing lunch outside the plaza, and since you’re free,” _unless you have an appointment with someone else_ went pretty much unsaid, and even though it hurt Thor to feign trust in Loki, it worked like charm and Loki was asking about the time and place before he knew it. 

_’I love you,’_ Thor wanted to say, as Loki sat down with two plated full of pancakes, one for Thor and one for himself. _’I love you, and I missed you, and you’re not allowed to leave ever again.’_. Instead he reached for the maple syrup, reveling in the small twist of Loki’s lips. 

***

Thor realized how much of a terrible idea it all had been once it was too late to do anything about it. Loki was beyond uncomfortable - he could tell - if the constant twitching of his hands was anything to go by, and Steve was just staring at his own hands, clasped tightly in his lap, not making eye contact with either of them. It suddenly made sense to Thor how this could take a turn in the wrong direction so easily, and why Tony perceived it as a possible set-up, because it painfully felt like one. Thor almost scoffed out loud at the idea of setting up Loki with someone one else because he would rather skin himself alive, but then again the word _brother_ rung in his ears, loud and clear. 

Since their situation was growing more awkward by the second, he cleared his throat, which had Loki snapping his gaze straight to Thor with an expression that translated as ‘what the fuck’ and Steve looking at him imploringly. 

“Yeah,” Thor said, with zero ideas of how to follow. Thankfully Steve seemed to take the lead from there on. He visibly shook and turned his charming gaze to Loki for the first time. 

“Thor’s been talking about accounts and work all day,” He said with an easy smile. Loki just shifted in his seat uncomfortably. 

“And you.” Steve finished somewhat lamely. Loki seemed to pick up on that, however, 

“Oh ?” He inquired, before their waitress came with their drinks; beer for Thor, coke for Steve and water for Loki. 

Bless Steve, Thor thought, who steered clear of work topics for the rest of their conversation as well as family history, keeping the conversation light and easy while trying to pry as much as he could from Loki without freaking him out. Steve made it seem so easy, once he’d gotten the hang of it, and Thor knew it was supposed to be one of his strengths; making people talk, but it still made him jealous that a complete stranger to Loki was able to get so much with trying so little and he had no right to feel the way he did, because he’d set this entire thing, with the exact intentions of what Steve was doing; gathering up information on Loki without actually spooking him. 

“It’s really important to have someone you trust, absolutely,” Steve was agreeing to something Loki said when he tuned back into the conversation between the two of them. 

“Can I get you deserts ?” Their waitress piped in coming out of nowhere, “We’d like the check, thank you.” Thor said before he could stop himself. Both Loki and Steve gave him a look for a brief second, but they also looked grateful for it, so he counted it as win. He argued with Steve briefly over the check before sliding in the company card, assuring him that it was no trouble, Tony was always whining about how he didn’t use the ‘perks’ of his position enough anyways.

“I’ll tell them to pull up the car,” Thor told them once they were outside the restaurant, leaving Steve and Loki standing next to the valet parking. 

***

It was almost what he wanted; Loki usually didn’t get to pick his conquests, if they could be called that, and they weren’t nearly as attractive as his particular client was. Loki couldn’t help but see Steve as a client, just as it had been with Thor, but somehow different, because Thor had been the one to set this up. The crisp night wind blew around them and he involuntarily shivered against Steve, who started to shrug out of jacket immediately and promptly started putting it around Loki’s shoulders, and keeping his hands on Loki’s body partly. 

“You don’t have to-“ Loki started, but Steve was having none of it. 

“I’m good.” He croaked, voice slightly breaking. Which was all the inclination Loki needed to act upon his instincts. 

They were close, too close for comfort, Steve’s hands were still gripping lapels of the coat. He could be reading the entire situation the wrong way, perhaps Steve had no interest in him yet Loki’s hands slowly trailed up Steve’s shirt before he really registered what he was doing, he could feel the heat of flesh under the soft cotton fabric of his shirt. Steve was all chiseled muscle under his hands and most importantly he was not pulling back, and by the time his hands reached up to rock hard pecks, Steve was pulling him in and just like that they were making out. Apparently still good at reading people, Loki thought absently. 

Along with that trail of thought, several things ran by Loki’s mind; Thor would possibly be back any second, Steve was Thor’s friend, this could somehow end up hurting Thor - the one person who had been kind enough to take him in- and this could possibly end up causing Thor to put him back on the street. However then again, there was the soft pull of Steve, not really demanding but asking, and his resolve against built up blondes with pretty blue eyes wasn’t that strong to start with. When he finally let go and leaned against the solid wall of muscle that was Steve, Steve’s hands slid down from his shoulders down to his ass, gripping tightly as he rocked forward. Steve’s tongue pried apart his lips and suddenly Loki had his hands gripping handful of blonde hair and keeping it buried in his face, allowing him to do whatever he wanted. Steve, it turned out, was pretty vanilla given his previous expectations. He sucked on Loki’s bottom lip before licking his way into his mouth, and it was the heat that did Loki in, the heat of Steve’s mouth, the softness of his lips, his curious tongue that Loki was perhaps too eager to suck into his own mouth. It was easy to fall back into the routine, grow pliant, let the client do whatever he wants, let the client pretend whoever. Especially when the said client had biceps that could bench press twice his weight and baby blue eyes and the _exact_ same shade of hay bale blonde as- then they moaned at the same time.

 

“ _-hor_ ” Loki was _horrified_ because. 

“Nngh, -ny,” 

The fervent making out continued for exactly a second after that exchange, and Steve was pulling back with what could be described as an absolutely terrified look on his face; his eyes were all blown, the irises barely showing around the pupils, and Loki wasn’t sure that he looked any more in control of his own body. Their lips were swollen; he could see it on Steve and feel it on his own,

“I’m sorry,” Loki automatically said cause he’d fucked up, royally at that, he’d almost moaned Thor’s name in a fucking parking lot, while waiting for Thor, _during making out with one of his friends_. Steve stepped away from him as if he’d been electrocuted. 

“No you don’t- I- I’m- I-“ 

“It’s fine.” Loki muttered, because there really wasn’t much else to say at that point. He didn’t know if Steve was going though a gay crisis -because he had been through them with several clients- or if he was simply terrified that he’d just made out with Loki out on the parking lot, which was understandable. What troubled him more than the fact that he’d made out with Thor’s colleague was the fact that he’d actually let go and almost slipped, 

“We’re up to go !” Thor’s voice boomed through the empty parking lot. He was wearing an odd expression, and Loki was sure that he hadn’t been a part of the exchange between him and Steve, it still had his blood boiling, 

“You know what, I think I’ll take a cab.” Steve suddenly said. Loki resisted his eyebrows from raising, because apparently subtlety wasn’t one of Steve’s strong suits. 

“It won’t be any trouble dropping you off,” Thor continued, thankfully oblivious to the awkward vibe going though out. 

“Honestly, it’s fine.” Steve gave them both a tight smile. “Pleasure meeting you, Loki.” He gave Loki a handshake. 

“Wait,” Loki shimmied out of the jacked and handed it to Steve, hands briefly touching -Steve almost recoiled- , and then he was gone, skulking towards the bus stop flicking out his phone to call a cab. 

Loki went back to shivering in no time. Thor stepped up to the task this time around. 

“Huh.” He said, draping his leather coat around Loki’s shoulders, 

“I’m not-“ 

“Keep it.” Thor said, and that was the end of that. 

There was a honk, and then Thor was dragging him towards their awaiting ride.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's alive ! (I have no excuses, just that it kills me when something goes unfinished) (I also love you all)


End file.
